Giving without loosing yourself

Namasté,

Very recently, I noticed a tendency in myself to give in order not to feel: to give time, attention, energy, support. To be the one who holds things together, who adapts, who takes care. Not only out of excess love, but because, at times, feeling would be too painful.

So I stayed with this for several weeks: the anger of not being recognized for all that I was giving. I avoided practicing, or when I did practice, it was only for 20 to 30 minutes.

But that anger dissolved when I finally allowed myself to feel everything I had been carrying over the past weeks, after a long conversation with my best friend.
And this happened in the pose of Balasana. I felt compassion for myself, and the anger toward others fell away.

When we grow up without much recognition, without real space for our emotions, we learn very early something essential for survival: to act rather than to feel. So we become competent, reliable, present for others, often highly attentive to the needs around us.

This capacity is an asset. It makes us good teachers and valuable sources of support.

But it also has a downside. By giving in order to avoid feeling, our connection to what is happening inside us can gradually fade. Fatigue arrives late. Sadness stays in the background. The body speaks in a low voice. And often, in moments of crisi, this reflex becomes even stronger: holding, helping, supporting… without ever stopping.

This is not a mistake. It is an old strategy. A form of survival intelligence.

But there comes a moment when this strategy is no longer needed in the same way. A moment when it becomes possible to learn something else: to give without forgetting oneself, to help without dissociating, to be present without disappearing.

This does not require changing everything. Nor becoming less generous. It often begins with something very simple: taking the time to pause, to connect with oneself with kindness,
and allowing enough time to feel safe enough to open.

In my practice of Restorative Yoga, I observe how the choice and sequencing of poses, combined with precise attention to physical support in certain areas of the body, create the necessary conditions for this: not to go looking for an emotion, but to create enough space and safety for it to exist without danger.

Giving is not the problem. What exhausts us is giving without ever receiving from within.

Perhaps this week, you might offer yourself a practice long enough to welcome what is moving through you with compassion.

With deep gratitude,

Audrey Favreau