What the girls are on about 34

We’re talking sexy, not sweaty.

The girls are horny for hands lately, I don’t know why but it’s come up in multiple conversations organically lately, and I can’t say I’m any better than any of the girls who brought it up. You watch any show with Byeon Woo-seok in it and tell me you didn’t notice the hands. I won’t believe you.

Definitively, by democratic vote, the girls have decided that what makes a hand hot is this:

• The hand is large

• There’s a good ratio from palm to finger length

• The knuckles are well defined - the divots between knuckles should have some depth to them. This is crucial.

And, if you want to watch a romance show with someone with hot hands, you know where to go now. No judgement from me.

Listen, I am in the crowd of people blessed (or cursed?) by the wide hip, slim waist ratio. This means two things: One, my jeans will always fit at the hips and be big at the waist. Two, my shorts have to be oversized, or they will slide up my waist and I will have undercheek exposure. C’est la vie. Thankfully, oversized has been in!

But, there’s a new trend on the block: hotpank bikinis. Now, this is a hotpant I can get on board with!!! Cheeks are allowed, nay, encouraged, at the beach!!! Of course, I’d seen the tankini trend, but those things scarred me as a teen. Hotpants did too, but hotpants that are socially acceptable to have cheek leakage?? Fantastic. I’ve seen them at Motel Rocks and Popflex, if you’re in the market. The one thing I’m not sold on is the tan lines.

Why why why why why does the algorithm love anything that is positioned as “you must do this”. My feed is full of:

• Do 30 of these calf raises and 30 of these stretches and 15 of these exercises and you’ll have no pain!

• Do these 5 stretches 10x daily and you’ll lose your tech neck!

• Do these 20 simple beauty changes that will level up your look!

Do they work? Of course they work! Do I have time to do the endless lists of shit the internet is throwing at me? No! Also, the only way I learn about all the stuff is by scrolling, but then I spend so much time scrolling that I have no time to do the stuff! And, I’ve already added a lot to the daily routine, okay? I do 20 minutes of (necessary) physio exercises (as instructed by a physiotherapist, not the internet). I do morning stretches and lymphatic drainage. I have a solid skincare routine. I floss. If there’s a thing to do, I’ll try to do it, but I even I cannot keep up anymore!

In order of favourite to least favourite…

Watching: Can this love be translated?, Business Proposal, Four Seasons, Sold Out On You (clearly in a kdrama era)

Reading: The Honjin Murders by Seishi Yokomizo, Outline, and then Transit by Rachel Cusk

Eating: Mango!!!!!! God what a bloody lovely snack. I’ve also given in to the chia seed craze guys. Fibremaxxing is are one of those tasks on the internet that has convinced me to do.

1. Olivia Rodrigo’s new album; ok so I have a few skips? But I have a lot of replays too. favs include maggots for brains (relatable) and u + me = <3

2. Asics trainers (similar); I bought these in an emergency after I’d dislocated my knee on the way to London 3 years ago, and I only had heels, and I couldn’t walk. Turns out I love them!!! Fab shoe! Looking to replace them soon as they’re getting worse for wear

3. Ball caps (similar); I have too many of these but I always want more. I came close to buying many in cornwall over the weekend, but I stayed strong (praise me pls). Underrated accessory for summertime and bad hair days!

4. Pacsun bikini; currently fighting the urge to buy another one of these before my summer beach holiday. Specifically I’m talking styles like this and this - somewhere between a traditional triangle, and a bralette. Perfection!!!!

5. Brandy mellville baby ts; stocked up on a new baby blue t and an oversized black knit and I already wear them all the time. Say what you will about Brandy, I’ve never bought anything from there that I haven’t worn to death.

6. NYX Concealer; Couldn’t find my usual Collection Lasting Perfection at Boots so I bought this instead and I’m well pleased! Just as good, if not better.

7. Huawei freeclip 2; I did get the idea from these from watching ‘Can this love be translated?’ and I love them. They clip over your ear and project music into your ear, so you can still hear what’s going on around you. They’re a bit finicky to get on but I’ve gotten the hang of it! Currently on sale as it’s prime week!!

8. Glossier solid perfume; just replaced this for the first time and confessed to my husband that I actually use it layered on my neck under any other perfumes, and that’s the reason why he always thinks I naturally smell amazing (it works!!!)

9. macchiatos; specifically the one I got from Scandi Kitchen in London oml that was like jet fuel and sent me to the moon (in the best way poss)

10. tsubu night pack; I’ve been using this on my milia most nights and I swear it’s helping! They’re not gone, but they look smaller.