SpontaneousH is now wrestling with the very unfortunate consequences of his behavior, and very much wishing he had listened to all the people that warned him off of continuing heroin. How long did this turn around take? Two weeks. You might think, two weeks from trying to devastation? Apparently. We only have his own retelling to rely on here, but it appears that his descent into the madness of addiction was extremely quick. Let’s get into it. Also, let’s not forget what he had to say about this after he was repeatedly warned on Reddit:
Update 2: I don’t regret this at all…
That… did not last…
Dude said that he would never shoot up, and then does exactly that within two weeks. That is a fast decline. Just a quick reminder, I will be correcting any mistakes in the original text so my spellcheck isn’t having an aneurysm every five seconds. Apparently people in withdrawal are not the best at typing.
Weds night update: fucking I’m still withdrawing throwing up and sweating out gallons of sweat. I really want to use and relapse right now, I know I shouldn’t. these urges are so strong and overpowering. Please help me if you can before I get the chance to.
I get that this is unpleasant, but it seems to me that unless you want this to be your life for, you know, ever… you might want to tough it out, admit that the folks on Reddit gave you good advice, and get it over with. No one wants to go to the dentist, but when the pain is bad enough, usually they do. If they don’t, they might die. This is a little higher stakes than that, but really, for your own good, just deal with the withdrawal.
1000 comment update: Fuck my life. I wish I was trolling and this was all some elaborate lie. I was doing everything right, have been clean, and somehow a rumor got out that I’ve been using and my girlfriend found out and she basically broke up with me last night but is now putting that decision on hold. I have some serious unrelated business/work I need to attend to in two hours and I don’t know if I’ll be in any state to be able to and be ready. I can’t stop crying. Fuck heroin. Fuck my life. I guess I don’t need to say that since heroin pretty much fucked my life for me in under two weeks, I just want to die.
This sounds like it sucks. I am not trying to be derisive to the guy. This sounds like a miserable existence. I will say that people tried to steer him away from this, and the need to do the opposite of what people suggested, his own desire to keep doing what felt good in the moment, his flawed belief that “it won’t happen to him”, all led him to this place.
Now, here’s the thing. If you read through the original post you will see that plenty of people gave him their personal stories of their slippery slope into hell, and he dismissed them out of hand. He couldn’t be bothered to consider what they had to say for even a minute because it contradicted what he wanted. Now, two weeks later he is looking desperately for those same people to basically tell him everything will be okay.
I do wonder if he had enough people tell him, this too shall pass, would that help him be able to power through the moment. I also think about how much emotion plays into pain for neurotypicals. Psychopaths lack the emotional experience of pain. I am not talking about emotional pain, I am talking about the emotional aspect of physical pain. I can see that it is a significant part of pain tolerance, and that we differ largely from the neurotypical experience in this regard.
When I am in pain, it is this moment. That’s it. I am in pain now. Because of my lack of forward thinking, the fact I can’t experience the worry about the future that neurotypicals often have, this also means that pain is a very immediate thing, and while that sucks, it is just that. Immediate. I am not thinking, “How will I live like this? How can I cope with this pain in an hour?” I am dealing with it now. That’s all there is, now. An hour from now will still be now. It won’t be plagued by the memory of an hour ago, nor an hour in the future. It’s just, right now.
Neurotypicals do not think as we do when it comes to pain. They tend to get caught up in the pain in the past, the present, and the future. SpontaneousH is not able to see how he is going to get through this particular torment, and the torment right now is terrible. Thinking that it will continue to be terrible, and not wanting to deal with any of it, is making him want to snuff it out right away, instead of taking the gondola ride through hell, and sail out the other side with a lot of bad memories, and hopefully a lot of reasons to not put himself back in this position.
NA UPDATE Went to NA, I shared my story and it seemed to hit a lot of people, I cried, I got a lot of support and numbers and feel like I’m in a good place and truly believe I never have to use again. I will be going back.
Oh… dude… that is what’s called denial. You can’t be that naive, right? You went to one meeting. That is not how any of this works. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am well aware of the statistics and criticisms of alcoholics anonymous and narcotics anonymous. If it helped you, great, if it failed for you, that sucks. However, regardless of your stance on the programs, I think we can all agree that being certain that you will never use again after going to one meeting is pretty ridiculous. What strategies has this guy implemented to make him make different choices? None. He shared, he cried, and came out with resolve, but nothing underpinning it. That is not going to work. It is the same thinking that got him into this position.
“I’ve got this”.
No dude, you don’t. That’s the whole point. This unearned self-assuredness is getting you deeper into trouble. That’s a big part of the problem picture here.
Update #whatever: I slept for about 30 hours, sweat out my entire body and now I feel ok. I also took a shit for the first time in like a week which was pretty awesome. I can stop this on my own, I don’t even think I need NA but I’m not ruling it out, I have no craving or desire to do heroin. I’m sure some of you will be quick to say I need real support and maybe you’re right, but right now I think I’ll be ok.
*Head on desk* Nope… not how any of this works.
Setting aside the party for his bowel evacuation, all of the rest of this is cope. Cope. Cope. Cope. Why does he even take to the internet to write all of this when he knows people are going to tell him, you don’t have this, you do need support, go back to the meetings? Is it so he can have the satisfaction of publicly dismissing them and self-preening about how positive he is that he is different from all those other addicts? I can’t think of why else he is going to keep coming back to the place that is going to tell him that he’s wrong, only to get defensive about being wrong, to then be proven wrong. What kind of self-humiliation ritual is this, anyway?
New update: I appreciate all the genuine concern and advice. I finished my stash (bad idea but too late), threw out my needles, and am too faded to respond to comments for now. When I sober up in a couple hours I’ll check out some NA meetings.
All right, is anyone reading this a former or current addict? If so, please do explain to me how he went through that entire miserable withdrawal, claims that he has no interest in doing heroin again… ever… he needs no meetings, because he is just so grounded in his sobriety without them, and then is like, hey, I have some left over. Might as well do it?
What the actual hell dude?
How does this make sense? Two seconds ago you were like, I don’t need it, I don’t want it, I’m good. Then you’re like, yeah, I’ll write after I get sober because I used up all the heroin I had in my possession. How does this make sense to you? How did you convince yourself in that short of a timeframe that you could do heroin again and not go through the withdrawal, again? Oh my good lord…
EDIT: I nodded off after taking another hit at 4AM and couldn’t be bothered to look at this anymore and just woke up sore with a headache. For those of you who think I’m a troll because I can do heroin and type well with good grammar, fuck off.
All right, a couple of things.
I don’t think you are a troll. I think you are stupid.
My spellcheck wants you hanged for crimes against punctuation, so your grammar is not convincing anyone of anything other than you are still delusional.
It’s not that hard if you type slowly and carefully without looking at the screen (the screen is a blur and too bright) and it’s challenging but I would rather post coherently than like an idiot, I know it’s hard to believe someone dumb enough to do heroin is ‘intelligent’ in other regards.
First of all, all screens have brightness adjustments, so you know, use it. Second, you do not post coherently. If you did, you wouldn’t come in at the middle of sentences and expect everyone to be in the same place as your thinking. Third, you are not intelligent. You just suffered through withdrawal, said, “That was awful and I want to die”, only for the second it is over you race back to the starting line and shout at the top of your lungs, “AGAIN!!!!!”
That is not intelligent. You are, however, truly delulu.
Comments disintegrated into mindless bandwagon accusations of being a troll, I wanted to engage in a discussion and know I need help and my mind isn’t exactly right. I’ll sift through the posts and respond to the genuine ones once I feel better.
If you can’t see why people would think that you are a troll, I don’t know what to tell you. The timeline that I laid out above makes it seem like you are one. How dumb do you have to be to think that you are remotely in control of any of this? And yet, you do. So either, you’re a troll, or follow me here, you’re insane. It’s one or the other. You might be insane through self-deception, but all the same, here we are.
The first sentence in the next part is a hyperlink to a photo providing proof that the guy is actually shooting up. I have included this image, and if that is something that bothers you, heads up, it is down below. If you don’t want to see it, but want to know why it proves anything, the guy took a photo of his works sitting on top of a screen showing his Reddit post. I mean, fair enough, I guess. We are just operating on the fact this is real, anyway, so to me it doesn’t matter. I
For people calling fake is this enough proof for you? Do you want to see my track marks too? They’re not pretty and this is under 24 hours after first shooting up..
Wait… how does that timeline work, exactly? Less than twenty-four hours since first shooting up? Does that mean he took a photo of his track marks during that timeframe, or is he indicating that we are in that timeframe. If we are in that timeframe, how did he:
Shoot up for the first time.
Go through withdrawal for some period of time, thirty hours that we know of.
Was clean but had a rumor go out that he was using again (he was definitely using again btw) and had his girlfriend almost leave him, but changed her mind.
Go to NA.
Come to the conclusion that NA held nothing for him, and that he can do this alone.
That night decide to use up the rest of his stash.
While high say that he did indeed need NA
Shoot up more?
How does that work? My guess is that he took the photo at the time, and is threatening to post it to show up the people that are doubting him, but if that isn’t the case… this timeline is a pretty long twenty-four hours, especially with that thirty hour withdrawal.
SpontaneousH is going to continue being stupid for a while longer, and I want to game now, so I will write more about his reckoning with reality in the next post.
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