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My heart is full of gratitude for the outpouring of messages, emails, and comments following last week’s post about the cancer diagnosis. It reminds me, once again, of the instant salve that connection is. Thank you. ❤️

Unrelated, this song has come back into heavy rotation for me; it’s just so damn good…

**Quick housekeeping note: I have decided to no longer paywall older posts. Additionally, I have a new benefit for paid subscribers: book a free 15-minute one-on-one advice call or chat with me! You can ask me for advice, talk about writing, or just shoot the breeze.

For those who may be new here (or may not recall because it’s been some months since I’ve done this): In an effort to get through more questions, I started the three-sentence installments. Why? I currently have an enormous number of unanswered questions sitting in my Ask Erin inbox, AND many of them are variations of questions I frequently get, AND some don’t require lengthy answers. So why not answer them as briefly as possible, I say.

Now, let’s get on to some questions!

I’m curious about what it means when a guy you once had a crush on blocks you, only to unblock you shortly after.

The interesting part is that we don’t really know each other; we don’t talk in person or follow each other on social media.

He found out about my small crush through someone else, and since then, he has been avoiding me, making it clear that he doesn’t want to be around me or even seen with me.

We only exchanged messages once after he viewed my story, but then he blocked me, which left me surprised and confused since we weren’t friends or anything like that.

I can’t help but wonder if the person who mentioned my feelings for him also shared something about my past, as I can’t think of any other reason for his decision to block me.

Since you said he blocked you and then unblocked you shortly after, the simplest answer would be that he didn’t mean to block you (I have definitely accidentally unfollowed people before, which is an easier mistake to make than blocking, but you get the idea). You will likely never know if it was intentional. If it was—because he is “afraid” of someone having a crush on him, or worse, is holding something from your past against you—then I would write him off into the land of assholes; it speaks to his character, not yours.

Ten years ago, my aunt, whom we’ll call Sharon, came from out of state to “help” me fix some stuff around my house. Long story short, I was given a trust fund when I was 18, and my Dad died, but my uncle (his brother) had control over it, so until I was 30, I had to call and beg for my own money. My roof and plumbing needed repair, the toilets were flooding the house, and we made plans for her to come down and help. She made me wait an extra five days while she vacationed, all while my house was being flooded with two inches of toilet water.

When she arrived, she basically took over my home. She spent the entire time shrieking at me about how lazy and careless I was for letting my house get out of control. She wouldn’t let me go to work and held me hostage in my own home, screaming at me about what a lazy person I was (she’s always been a stay-at-home, and I’ve always worked, go figure). She threatened my life multiple times, threatened to beat me into a coma and sell my house out from under me, and at one point said that my parents should have been sterilized. She stole and pawned my roommate’s electronics and tried to force me to hide their things under my bed so she could pawn them later.

I was only able to dislodge this beast from my house when I called the police, which angered her so much that she left.

In classic abuser fashion, she was extra nice to the sheriff, who didn’t do much other than show up. After she left, I went no-contact with her, only to have her email me six months later about what a horrible and ungrateful POS I was and how I’m a bad person for not apologizing for my behavior. I sent her a fake apology, and we “made nice” when my grandfather died a few years later.

Fast forward to now: I’m 39, pregnant with my first baby, and trying to plan my baby shower. Sharon would obviously like to be there. She doesn’t seem to know what she did wrong and has never apologized. I told my mom everything Sharon said about her needing to be sterilized and how I deserved to be homeless and in a coma. My mom will obviously be there, as will my former roommate, who is also a lifelong friend from elementary school. My roommate’s mother, who came to intervene in the situation, will also be there.

I don’t really want Aunt Sharon there, and I’m not sure how to broach the fact that she’s not welcome.

I’m not 100% on what to do here, and I don’t want drama at my baby shower because my Mom will absolutely kick Sharon’s behind. Sharon’s two kids will attest that she’s always been abusive and hateful, but when they left for college, she saw me as a target for her abuse.

Please help.

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Aunt Sharon is toxic AF. Let your mom know she is not welcome, and email Aunt Sharon: “Hi Sharon, as you may have heard, my baby shower is coming up, and given our past dynamics, it’s best for everyone if you do not attend.” Also, feel free to email something more pointed (I don’t want your abusive, shitty energy around me or my unborn child. KK, bye!), and if the woman shows up, call the police.

Hi Erin,

I’ve been with my fiancé for almost two years now. I’ve told him about my exes and their names. He keeps bringing them up when they belong in the past and says that I’m not telling him their real names.

He’s even deflecting, saying my monotone voice is making him upset and trying to start an argument.

I’ve been contemplating leaving him after our one-year lease is up, but I’m not sure what I should do

Please help me with this.

Your fiancé is doing you a great service by proudly displaying his red flags. DO NOT MARRY this man. Yes, leave him after your one-year lease is up (start planning now), or sooner.

Hey Erin,

I have this coworker that I find really annoying. I find them way too perky for my liking, and some of that is my own social problems, but his personality is just overwhelming. I don’t wanna have conversations with him, as he never stops talking. Every time I see him, he constantly asks me questions. I one-word respond to not add anything to give reason to further the conversation, but I think he has zero awareness cause he’ll just keep asking questions.

Today, for example:
After work
Coworker: Got any plans after this?
Me: No.
Coworker: Really? Nothing going on with your family?
Me: Just going home.
Coworker: Is your family doing anything for dinner?

I’m not trying to come off rude, but if I wanted to have a further conversation, I’d say more.

This coworker always pushes it, and every time I work with him, it’s the same kind of questions: “What are you doing after?” “What’s new with you?” “What’s new with your family?”

I just feel like he needs to mind his own business.

Could you please help me? I’ve done this for weeks, and he’s not stopping.

It sounds like your coworker does not pick up on social cues (lots of folks like that out there, many of them neurodivergent). I totally get how annoying that can be; I am naturally chatty, but I feel this way around energy vampires. The next time he starts his line of questioning, be direct but kind, and say something like, “Hey, I know you like to know what’s happening in my life, but at work I don’t like to chat; nothing personal!” (even though it is clearly personal, no need to make him feel bad).

The Block Button, Baby Shower Drama, Accusations, & The Annoying Coworker

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