Welcome to THE OVERSHARE. It’s the sometimes paywalled (if spicy) space for me to say too much.
Over the last few years, it’s been cool? reassuring? refreshing? to see the only channel I watch (Bravo) put dysfunctional mom-child relationships on TV. This is not an exhaustive or chronological list, but here are a few case studies:
Emily Simpson from Real Housewives of Orange County (RHOC) shared how her mom’s mental health issues resulted in Emily having to be the parent in the relationship
My sweet, sweet Michols from Southern Hospitality explained that, after coming out, his mom became distant and how talking about their relationship on the show didn’t improve their dynamic
Sutton Brown, from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, struggled to emotionally connect with her mom, who hadn’t said “I love you” in decades
Braunwyn Windham-Burke, from RHOC, confronted her mom about her you-do-you parenting style
Another Brawnwyn, Brawnwyn Newport of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, shared how getting pregnant in college transformed her relationship with her mom—and not in a good way
Real Housewives of Rhode Island’s Jo-Ellen Tiberi and Rosie DiMare opened up about their unhealthy relationships with their moms and the pain they experienced within them
Kimi Murdoch from Ladies of London explained that her mother likely blamed Kimi and her brother for her divorce from their dad
And, of course, over the last 10-ish years, Lindsay Hubbard from Summer House has shared bits about her relationship with her mom, including going no-contact before it was a ~TikTok trend~
This week on In The City, Lindsay gave us an update on where that relationship stands. It comes up because Kenny Martin, a friend of a friend of Lindsay’s, talks about reconnecting with his dad, who he hasn’t seen in years (maybe decades?). He said something like, “I feel a weight has been lifted that I didn’t know was there.”
Then Lindsay explains that she hasn’t spoken to her mom in 10 years. There’s a clip of her calling her mom in 2016, and she says, “Hi mom, I’m glad you answered.” Followed by, “I mean, yeah, the phone goes both ways.”
She tells her friends that she doesn’t have a relationship with her mom. Someone says, I’m sorry to hear that, and Lindsay replies, “That’s OK,” implying that she’s fine with it.
AND YET! Another friend, Gavin Moseley, asks Lindsay if there is a path toward reconciliation with her mom.
I’m going to pause here to say: This is reality TV. This Gavin guy is a pot stirrer, and I thank him for his service. Also, it’s not necessarily a rude question, but it does imply that this situation shouldn’t continue—despite the way Lindsay clearly indicated with her tone of voice and facial expressions she’s good without her mom in her life.
Anyway, Lindsay says she doesn’t intend to reconcile with her mom. Then our buddy Kenny chimes in with, “Not interested?” followed by, “Yeah, we should chat.” Then Kenny talks about how he feels so much lighter now that he has contact with his dad, and that she is likely carrying something too. The implication is that she could let go of this burden by reconnecting with her mom.
It’s not necessarily a rude question, but it does imply that this situation shouldn’t continue—despite the way Lindsay clearly indicated with her tone of voice and facial expressions she’s good without her mom in her life.
At this point, I’m feeling defensive of my girl and skeptical of Kenny’s intent. As someone who’s been low-contact with their mom for roughly three years now, I know the yuck feeling that comes up when someone tries to persuade me that my choice is an overreaction or temporary or causing me more pain. And even after spending years in therapy and researching Motherf*cked, those moments still make me second-guess myself.
In these situations, it’s so normal for others to project their feelings about estrangement and our role within families onto us. I couldn’t help but want to step in for my parasocial friend, Lindsay.
When they go out to dinner though, things shift for the better. Whether that happened IRL or after some solid editing, I love to see it.
Here’s what went down.
Kenny says he hired a private investigator to find his dad and feels good since meeting up with him.
Lindsay talks about how her mom left her and her brother when she was a toddler, and that, when she was in her 20s, she stopped speaking to her mom. She didn’t want to keep dealing with a mother she describes as selfish. Lindsay says that her mom said that children ruined her life. Fucking yikes.
Then, and this was brutal, Lindsay explains that having a daughter “validated and justified my feelings of, ‘How could my mom do this to me?’” Lindsay says that she looks at her baby and knows she could never walk away from her.
Kenny says sometimes you become your parents and sometimes you break the cycle. And scene.
Among the many examples of messy mom relationships on this channel, Lindsay’s feels different. Based on my memory, which isn’t always reliable, this may be the only case where we see someone with a shitty relationship with their mom openly talk about going no-contact and feeling good about it. She even says that having a baby has made her more sure of herself and her feelings. Fuck yeah!
This may be the only case where we see someone with a shitty relationship with their mom openly talk about going no-contact and feeling good about it.
From what I can tell, most of the Bravo-verse folk who talk about their moms on their shows acknowledge the pain, share their stories, and ultimately wrap up the narrative in a bow. Sometimes they cap it at the reunion, saying that it’s not in a good place but they have hope or that the relationship has improved since filming. But we rarely hear about the boundaries they’re putting in place with their moms and how those have been helpful.
Maybe we’ve entered a new era of dysfunctional mom relationship storylines on reality TV? One where cast members share their stories, talk about how they got to a place of acceptance of who their mom is, and what they’re doing with that realization. Are they avoiding certain topics? Are they accepting their mom’s emotional limitations? Are they realizing that less contact is better for everyone?
Maybe we don’t need these narratives to end happily or hopefully. Maybe it’s OK if it just is what it is.
What do you think?
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