Hello, my fellow MFDs,
I’ve been off cooking up some exciting projects around my book and have abandoned my sweet, sweet little newsletter/support group/Substack. I hope you, my eight subscribers, can forgive me. <3
Since launching this thing, I received my first copies of the book in the mail. They are as gorgeous as I knew they would be. Ugh, love ‘em so much. I also began planning a press event for my pub day (4/28)!
Today, I bring you the first edition of Help Yourself, a series where you’ll find links to useful things and maybe even some insights from my reporting on dysfunctional relationships with our moms.
My playlist for crying: As book day gets closer and the projects pile up, my feelings have moved to the bottom of my priority pile. I know it’s been too long since my last dip into grief when my brain starts to invent fake problems I obsess over. Most of the time, those false alarms are silenced by buying things. Right now, I have three shopping carts full of basics that I “need” because my 2020 shopping hauls aren’t transitioning well into 2026. It’s kind of amazing how seemingly urgent tasks keep me focused on stuff other than my emotions. But god, it feels so fucking good to spend hours doing investigative work on The Real Real.
Still, as I learned in real life and while investigating non-death loss and grief for my book, the grief will not let you stray for long. That’s why I’m trying to be better about making a date with the feels. Sunday nights are our thing. This playlist of sad bops is best enjoyed while soaking in the tub and detoxing your emotions. I’ve also listened while going on a walk with sunglasses on. It’s New York, everyone cries in public here.
This take on the parent-adult child power dynamic: Whitney Goodman, LMHC, is a therapist and the founder of the Calling Home community (and podcast). If you’re looking for a support group, hers are top-notch. Anyway, I came across one of her Instagram posts the other day, where she talks about the power dynamic between parents and children. She says that as kids, we are totally subject to our parents’ choices. We have no control. As we become adults, we gain the ability to make our own decisions, but parents who feel that they should still be in control don’t like that, which can make them act out. I think a lot about how this power dynamic changes over time and if, on some level, it’s impossible to fully be equals in a relationship with our caregivers. Since we spend so much of our early life trying to stay connected to them, it would make sense if we go out of our way to accommodate our parents, even when we’re grown. Just a thought!
This gal is turning her mom’s wild texts into emo songs: I’m obsessed with this series. Emotional manipulation to the tune of generic screamo just makes so much sense.
This quiz I made for Bustle: The good people over at Bustle assigned me this beauty. It lays out why we need boundaries with our moms, what boundaries can do, what they can’t, and five questions to help you decide the best limits to put on your relationship with your mom. Let me know what your results are!
Keeping the comments unpaid in this club. I’m open to content requests! Chime in if that’s your thing or DM if you like.
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