How to Calm a Hyper Child at Bedtime: The Routine I Recommend to My Clients

I Created This Bedtime Routine Because I Was Desperate

Vulnerable share time…

Before I was an emotion regulation coach specializing in kids’ mental health, I was just a mom standing in a dark hallway at 9 PM, completely depleted, wondering why bedtime felt like the hardest part of an already hard day.

Now I know the research and why I was getting it wrong most nights.

What I eventually figured out (through years of working with kids and through my own humbling trial and error at home) is that bedtime chaos isn’t a behavior problem. It’s a nervous system problem. Your child’s brain doesn’t automatically shift from “go” to “rest.” It needs a bridge to get there.

So I built one.

I call it the Bedtime Calm-Down Kit, and I’m linking it below for you.

It’s a simple three-step routine that takes about 13 minutes. Here’s what it looks like:

First, I set the scene. Dim lights instead of overheads. Soft background sound. I give a time warning (“Bedtime in 3 minutes.”) And this one matters more than people realize - I slow my own movements and soften my voice. My calm tells my child’s body it’s safe to settle. We are the regulation before they can regulate.

Then, I connect before I ask anything of them. Just five minutes. A page of a book, a quick drawing together, one good thing from the day. In my house, we were big on sharing the highs and lows of the day. This seemed to be the best time for my kids to open up. And I learned that kids who feel seen will follow you almost anywhere - including to sleep.

Finally, we do one calm-down technique. The same one, every night, until it becomes automatic. I recommend a Breathing Buddy - a stuffed animal on the belly that rises and falls with each breath. Within a week or two, the routine itself becomes the signal. Their nervous system learns: this is when we rest.

That’s the whole thing. Not complicated. Just consistent.

If you want the full kit breakdown including a quick-print checklist, troubleshooting tips for the nights it all falls apart (because those nights will come), and bonus resources links like a kids’ loving kindness meditation - it’s yours, completely free.

👉 [Download the Free Bedtime Calm-Down Kit here]

And if you want to go deeper - learning the skills that create calm, connected kids and genuinely happier homes - come join us inside Calm & Happy Skills for Kids on Skool. It’s the community I built for parents who are done surviving bedtime and ready to actually enjoy it.

[Join the Calm & Happy Skills for Kids Community]

I hope these tools support you. Cope well.

Dr. Ashley