Even Coaches Forget Their Skills (Here's What Happened When I Did)

I teach emotion regulation skills for a living. And last week, I forgot to use them.

I’m not sharing this to be self-deprecating. I’m sharing it because what happened next is exactly what I want for you.

The Setup

We’re in the middle of selling our house, which means I’ve been working through a long, relentless to-do list. One evening, I was waiting for my husband to come home, not so subtly hoping he’d notice everything I’d accomplished that day.

He didn’t say anything. So I told him.

His response? “Good.”

One word. And I felt all of it: unseen, undervalued, underappreciated, frustrated, angry, hurt, sad. A wave of emotions I wasn’t prepared for.

The Spiral

I knew I needed to move (since movement helps dispel stuck emotions) so I went for a walk alone.

And then I ruminated. Hard.

I built a whole story: He doesn’t care. What I do is never good enough. I’m invisible. On and on, the spiral tightened.

Then I recognized my thoughts weren’t helpful. And I saw the pattern. That old, familiar voice (“you’re not enough”) and I knew: this is a story. Not reality.

That recognition was my cue.

Coming Back to the Skills

I stopped the spiral and remembered what I know:

Feel the wave. Validate the emotions. Let them be here.

So I did.

I breathed into the anger (about 30 seconds). The frustration (another 30). The hurt took about 60 seconds to move through. One at a time, I stayed with each feeling instead of running from it or feeding it another story.

Then I offered myself some compassion. This was an old part of me. An old wound. One I’ve worked through before.

What I Want You to Remember

This is the message I really want you to take with you:

During times of stress, you are more emotionally vulnerable. Old patterns will surface. That is biology. That is being human.

The goal was never to be someone who doesn’t get triggered. The goal is the return.

When I’m feeling unloved or unsupported, I call on what I think of as my higher self - the resourced, grounded part of me - to bring compassion to wherever I am. Validation is powerful. It allowed me to step back from being my emotions to witnessing them.

If you can pause (even for a breath) and reframe “I’m upset” to “I’m noticing the feeling of being upset,” you take your power back. You remember who you are and what you’re capable of.

I’m sharing this not because I have it all figured out. Clearly, I don’t.

I’m sharing it because I know you have moments like this too. And I want you to know: the skills work, even when you remember them late. Even when the spiral comes first.

The return is always available to you.

Be gentle with yourself this week. 💛

Cope well. It’s an ongoing process. 🙂