When parenting tools we relied on don't work anymore

Below - a toolkit to help your kiddo through hard transitions!

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I need to have some hard conversations with my kiddo.

To make it easier, I dug out his favorite book from ten years ago and have been leaving it around the house. I’ve been moving ‘Little Tree’ by Loren Long, from the sofa to the kitchen counter to the bathroom along his orbit of most-used paths.

Hoping my 13 year old will pick it up and say “Mother,” (he calls me ‘Mother,’ just to be annoying), “I used to love this book! Let’s read it again together!”

Planting topical stories to get through tricky times worked so well when he was three! Back before he could read and before phones and youtube, when I was the gatekeeper of stories and he wanted my attention for everything.

I know I’m being ridiculous. Now he only throws me monosyllabic grunts in between angst naps and scathing side-eye. We’ll figure this out but - I have to accept picture books aren’t the right tool for this season of our family

This isn’t just about my kiddo. It’s about us, and what we’ve built here together in Books for Littles.

We’re moving across time zones in July, forcing my kiddo to leave behind an amazing group of weird and wonderful friends. He really, REALLY doesn’t want to go. But this move is necessary and it’s happening - even if we both agree this makes me the worst parent ever.

He’s not just losing his friends, he’s losing his autonomy - where we’re going, he’ll most likely have to wear a school uniform, which is a nightmare for an Autistic teenager who needs his social sensory safety-blanket armor (the same furry hat / huge scarf / heavy jacket outfit he’s worn every waking minute for the past two years, even in 100 degree weather.)

We’re forcing him into a new place and emotionally bare and vulnerable against a sensory and social onslaught of change.

So you see why Little Tree - the book that got us through his transitions to preschool, to elementary school, and then even into middle school, would be the PERFECT book to read together. (If he was three. But he’s not. He’s old and moody now! Urugh)!

I’m asking him to let go of safety for a big scary change, with no visible benefit.

I’m asking him to drop his protective leaves for an unknowable amount of time, with only the distant promise that things will be okay after a season of hardship and transition. You see how Little Tree would just be so perfect for this moment, right?!

But this cranky teenager can’t stand the sound of my voice. He has no patience for picture books, never mind sitting in my lap for storytime. There comes an end to everything - and despite being a powerful tool for almost a decade, our time with Little Tree has passed.

An adult cannot ethically review children’s books without screening it with an actual child. That’s how we end up with boring, condescending books that center adults and reinforce childism.

The same way a white reviewer doesn’t have the authority to pronounce a book ‘not racist,’ adults just don’t know what it’s like to grow up through this moment in history.

Those of us who grew up without endless feeds will never understand what hooks a child’s attention and helps them feel seen, understood, and engaged.

I figured my kidlit hyperfixation would come to a natural end point when my kids hit the teen years. I stopped reviewing children’s books in 2024 when my youngest got tired of bedtime stories. We shifted to toolkits - adding pre-approved books from younger times, expanding into discussion guides and hands-on activities.

I’m a completionist, so it’s hard to resist the urge to publish my backlog of book reviews. Wouldn’t you like to know about a few thousand books that cover Arab culture and housing equity and the connection between western capitalism and Chinese hungry ghosts? LET ME INFODUMPS AT YOU!

Two years in, and I’m turning into your weird uncle. Trying to get you to accept these loose hard candies I just dug out of my trousers. Please disregard the pocket lint and cat hair - my children loved these peppermints eight years ago when they were fresh, and you will too!

I fear becoming Little Tree (seriously though, you should read this one) - desperately gripping onto dead leaves long past autumn, stunting the growth we need as the world changes around us.

Despite the timelessness of stories like this, the world is changing. Do new parents even read picture books anymore? Or are we all doing Bluey and Miss Rachel videos? I can’t keep up with the youths anymore, I’m old.

Between a new era of fascism, our family’s move, and this new stage in my parenting journey (Chapter 2: Teens: Don’t Talk To Me But Be Close For When I Crash Out), it felt like the right time to reassess what we’re doing in Raising Luminaries. So I gathered a little advisory board of our most active Luminary Braintrust members to figure things out

Is it time to sunset the Books For Littles arm of Raising Luminaries? Are dusty old rants about books even relevant anymore? Are toolkits useless because families are too overwhelmed to use them? Is this really what parents need in this era of chaos and despair?

I had resigned myself to letting it all go. It’s okay to drop the leaves and let them compost to make room for something new. We made a huge difference over the past 12 years! And honestly I’m kind of itchy to try making zines or something completely new and different.

The advisory group surprised me with a strong and urgent YES

(So don’t panic, we’re not going anywhere).

Even folks who have been members of this community for years are still referencing our book lists for progressive PTO programs and nibling guidance. Kids losing access to inclusive books due to school and library book bans need these guides now more than ever.

As libraries, schools, and education orgs get defunded, more people are turning to the resources and community we’ve built over the past decade. Turns out instead of clinging to dead leaves, we were building a forest canopy of shelter for families waking up to the kyriarchy and learning why it needs smashin’.

So we brainstormed and came up with a plan together. I will build a Books For Littles resource library to keep all this stuff free and accessible for families and educators who need it.

So for the next few months, I’ll be tinkering on the back end of the Books For Littles website. Fixing broken links, improving navigation, and finishing a backlog of unpublished resources.

We already share over 500 articles, toolkits, guides, and activities. There’s already more stuff here than any parent can stuff into the first 12 years of childhood.

If you are a completionist, don’t panic browse!

After our Books For Littles Legacy Library is tidy, I’ll send a monthly roundup email to give you just enough to enjoy - but not so much you feel fire hosed.

I admit that I’ve got a few big announcements and a lot of changes to announce over the next three months. But there’s no urgency here. You don’t need to catch up or cling to anything you’re not ready to let go of. I’ll walk you through it all starting in June so you don’t miss anything, I promise.

with you,

Ashia

Transitions are so freaking hard!

Created for neurodivergent kiddos, our transition toolkit helps you brace yourself for changes big and small, whether it’s moving to a new home or putting on socks to get ready for school.

As a full-ass adult with oppositional defiance and executive functioning disorders raising a kiddo who digs his heels in even harder than I do - these books, discussion guides, and activities have genuinely helped make life smoother ;)

Transitions Toolkit