What do you do with the mad that you feel?

The other day, as I read the news or listened to it in the car, a familiar song popped into my head. It started with… “What do you with the mad that you feel?” A short search for the song, and I’m in the carpool line, crying a cathartic cry. Of course, this song/poem was written and sung by Mr. Rogers. He sang it on his show, and he recited to the Senate when more funding was needed to produce his beloved show and launch what we now know as national public television. In this speech, he introduces his approach as a ‘meaningful expression of neighborhood care’. We all have an image of Mr. Rogers’ kindness and gentleness in our minds, and his advocacy struck me as he said, “If we can only make it clear that feelings are mentionable and manageable, we will have done a great service for mental health.”

Here is Fred Rogers poem that he read to Congress, and sang on his beloved show…

What Do You Do With The Mad That You Feel?

What do you do with the mad that you feel
When you feel so mad you could bite?
When the whole wide world seems oh, so wrong...
And nothing you do seems very right?

What do you do? Do you punch a bag?
Do you pound some clay or some dough?
Do you round up friends for a game of tag?
Or see how fast you go?

It’s great to be able to stop
When you’ve planned a thing that’s wrong,
And be able to do something else instead
And think this song:

I can stop when I want to
Can stop when I wish.
I can stop, stop, stop any time.
And what a good feeling to feel like this
And know that the feeling is really mine.

Making space to release and let the mad go

“What do you do with the mad that you feel?” I think a lot about the lyrics to this poem/song as I visit and consult with various early childhood educators. In one meeting, we were collectively trying to pick a neutral-colored mat for a cozy area in each room. This cozy area is also a cool-down space when big feelings and the child who is having them need a place to go. But the song made me wonder, does everyone need a cozy area when they feel mad? Some of us may like to huddle up in a nest-like space. Some of us feel safe tucked in behind the bookshelf wall our teacher has made.

But what about the child who needs to release that anger and can’t? The child who feels confined by the cozy space because they don’t know what to do with the mad that they feel? Perhaps they’re so mad that they tear down the poster. They knock down the books, as if almost to say, “Can you see me now? Can you see how mad I feel?” Maybe the mad is so big they end up losing the recess, PE, or the free time they need more than anything. And then shame and anger and isolation start to swirl together.

I am not knocking a cozy space. I do think every classroom should have one as an option, and certainly never as a cuter and fuzzier punitive timeout space. But we also know that, whether it is said aloud or not, there is not a lot of room for big feelings in many classrooms, especially anger. Many of us are afraid of anger; the loudness, the destruction, whatever symptoms arise because of it. Many of us are unsure exactly what to do with it. Or maybe we’re taught in teacher training programs to make it go away, and we try to tuck it away instead of making space to release it and let it go.

What do you do with the mad that you feel
When you feel so mad you could bite?
When the whole wide world seems oh, so wrong...
And nothing you do seems very right?

What do I do with the mad that I feel when I am confronted, bombarded by unconscionable injustice, cruelty, and hatred? Well, sometimes it sits for too long. And then I feel… numb. Helpless. Uncertain. But when I try to move the mad through my body with exercise, connecting with friends, making art with my kids, drawing really tight little squares in my sketchbook as hard as I can with a crayon, stepping out into nature… the conviction and the passion and the drive remain, but the anger that tenses my body and clouds my vision flows out. When we choose these ways to do something with the mad that we feel, we have agency and control. “This poem has to do with that good feeling of control, which children need to know is there”.

This got me thinking, what if we could gather for you here some other ways to invite children (or grown-ups!) to express their mad and allow it to flow through, in case sitting with it on the cozy corner carpet is just not working? When sitting quietly and willing our bodies to regulate simply does not work, let’s let Mr. Rogers spark some ideas for us. Right now, today.

Ideas for sensory play and movement to release the mad

What do you do? Do you punch a bag? Do you pound some clay or some dough?

We offer clay in many different formats, and all are therapeutic and nourishing. There is just nothing like squishing it with your fingers or pounding it with a fist. In fact, it can be such a physical experience if we let it, especially if offered in a big chunk. We often use plasticine clay because it never dries out and is relatively easy to clean from tools. It also doesn’t crumble or feel weird on fingers. Tools like garlic presses and pasta rollers are satisfying to squeeze and move. Hammers, chisels, and rolling pins encourage movement, too. Our friend Lisa Zaretsky of Play Again Studio had the genius idea to pair clay with tires! If you’re looking for a more contained version of clay exploration, try a few balls of the plasticine clay on a tray with tools at a stand up table to encourage movement.

Do you round up friends for a game of tag?
Or see how fast you go?

Now, sometimes a change of scenery is the best answer. Maybe it’s impossible in the moment to just whisk a child outside, but what if we ensured they/we had enough of it ahead of time? How might that change things? If you can get outside, let it be a chance for big body play and loud voices. Large loose parts that are heavy to lift like blocks or milk crates; hoola hoop targets for throwing; sidewalk chalk for scribbling; ribbon wands, or even large tubes for singing and yelling are all really accessible play yard additions and offer choice beyond running (also a great choice). Or bring nature inside for deep breathing or even a little deconstruction and snipping with scissors.

It’s great to be able to stop
When you’ve planned a thing that’s wrong,
And be able to do something else instead
And think this song.

What if we created nooks and cozy spaces that children could influence? That feels safe and co-created and not punitive, but as an invitation to experience the room differently? Maybe we could even offer a basket of soft materials like ribbon or construction to thread through or find ways to create both privacy and visibility for safety? Or what about a space made of cardboard and tape that feels child-sized with markers for scribbling inside or dot stickers to slap onto the walls? We like to think about actions when we consider spaces like these or any invitations to create. What might children do? Spaces like these offer children some agency and control to take a break or a pause. I think this is what Mr. Rogers is suggesting in this respectful song. We all need to feel agency and control, and by inviting children to find ways to make these spaces feel safe and comfortable, we can honor that need.

I can stop when I want to
Can stop when I wish.
I can stop, stop, stop any time.
And what a good feeling to feel like this
And know that the feeling is really mine.

And what else can we do with the mad that we feel? We can call our reps and check on our neighbors and advocate for each other, especially those whose voices are unheard. What about you? What do you do with the mad that you feel?

Some resources, if you need more ideas and support!

We recently held our Open House for The Creativity Project. If you’ve been wanting to dig your toes into some of our resources but don’t know where to begin or what might be the right fit for your space or situation, listen to this webinar. We think it will help you find one good next step. It’s free to listen. (We do have a sitewide 25% off code extended through tonight at midnight for all attendees. Use OPENHOUSE at checkout!)

For specific ideas and meaningful ways to offer materials as a way to release and express emotion, we recommend these guides:

• Our Five Senses art & play guide - “From fragrant spices and popping bubble wrap to textural collages and smushy dough, we help you establish a sensory environment for children where they can explore and learn about who they are and how they fit into the world around them.”

• Connection, Compassion, and Community art & play guide - “This guide focuses on fostering emotional well-being and social development in young children through open-ended art and play ideas.”

If you would like to watch and listen to some inspiring and enlightening talks with us, we have a few specific 1-hour workshops around supporting regulation through language, systems, and environment:

• The Art of Guiding - “Learn how your language and presence support children through frustration, big feelings, and I can’t moments with confidence and care.”

• Play Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect - “Build simple routines and systems that make open-ended play possible within real schedules, without adding stress or mess.”

• Designing for Discovery - “Create environments that regulate nervous systems, reduce overstimulation, and communicate safety, belonging, and creative possibility.”