Do You Desire Power?

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Anger and I go way back. 

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As a kid, I used anger to establish authority, mostly at home. And where did I learn that from? The authority figure of the house.

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My father. He got angry very easily. I saw him get angry very often. 

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If someone was not following his logic quick enough - anger. 

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If he had to repeat himself - anger. 

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If someone was slipping from the slope of morality - anger. 

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He has changed a lot over the years. There wasn’t any anger when he agreed to marry me to the boy I chose from a culture different from ours. Well, I guess he has learned from his anger. He saw the consequences and he learned. 

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Anyhow, as a kid, I saw that everyone listened to this guy, wanted his approval and everyone was afraid of him as well. What might be the reason behind that? My kid logic thought anger was the reason. 

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I started creating loops in my head to get angry. Loops like - Nobody understands me. Nobody loves me. Blah blah. very illogical reasons which seemed totally rational at that time. 

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But now, looking back, I understand that my main purpose of anger was to establish myself as an authority. 

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Now, why do us humans have a desire to pose as an authority figure? Why do we want to be the powerful person in the room? There is always a powerful person in the room. 

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Where does the desire of power come from? 

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Anshuman’s answer was - you want power, so you don’t feel helpless. That is a great answer. I sat with that for a while.

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That’s one way to think about it. But I am gonna look at my younger self as a research sample. Why? Because I know her the best. 

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She wanted power so she could do anything she wanted. To fulfill her desires without any guilt. To not be controlled. coz sometimes her desires were met with moral shamming. She wanted power, so she would not have to listen to anyone. She instead wanted everyone to listen to her because she thought she knew everything. 

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Does that make power an ego boost? Humans want power to boost their ego?

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That could be the reason why people with fragile egos want power. 

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Now, the question arises in my mind is - who is the most powerful of all?

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Is it a human with the most money?

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Is it a human with the most intellect? OR

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Is it a human with the most compassion & love?

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Until next time

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XOXO 

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Arsh Kaur

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