What Love Is...

We’ve all heard or read 1 Corinthians 13 many, many times over.

Most, notably at wedding ceremonies.

Although my wedding was quite a blur, as I can’t remember a single word that was said when my husband and I exchanged vows.

I’ve never told anyone this…

But I was freaking out.

What am I doing?

It felt like it was happening so fast.

I had known my husband as a schoolmate in college for a year before we started dating. We were friendly acquaintances at best. Unbeknownst to either of us, we were both in failing relationships.

Then we ran into each other out of the classroom, now single, and well, we kind of hit it off.

After a year of dating, we were engaged.

7 months later we were married.

It felt fast. It felt so final.

I was in love with him.

But I wasn’t sure I loved him.

Like enough to stay married forever.

Although I can’t remember what was said, I remember prior to our wedding the pastor asking what scripture we would like him to read during our ceremony.

Although we both grew up in church, my husband and I were not practicing Christians at the time. So we said, “How about that one about love. That seems like a safe one to go with.”

You see, when I married my husband, our love was Eros love. We were sexually attracted to one another. And I thought that was what love was. I thought that was the most important part of a marriage. If you aren’t attracted to one another sexually, what’s the point of marriage?

So for about 10 years, we were totally successful at Eros love. I found out much later that Eros love was only a third of the love that was missing. It wasn’t enough to keep a marriage together even in the smallest of storms. Let alone the storm that was coming…

As the COVID Era was waging its spiritual battle on all of humanity, we watched marriages around us tested. Some crumbling. Including our own.

By God’s mercy, he showed me that there was more. More love that we needed to let in like a breaking dam.

One night, after 10 years of combat with one another, my husband dropped the “D” word.

Instead of getting upset, I said a little prayer in my head, “God, be here.”

A peace I had never known came over me. I calmly, silently stood up from the L-shaped sofa we were sitting on, and slowly started for the bath tub.

“Where are you going? Did you hear what I said?” my husband asked.

He had braced himself for the usual verbal brawl.

I stopped in front of him. “I heard you. Divorce not granted. Now, I’m going to take a bath. It’s been a long day.”

I went to step away, but I heard God telling me to add one more thing…

I looked into my husband’s angry eyes, “I just wish we could figure out how to stop this. Stop fighting. And just take care of each other. Because I just want to take care of you.”

I remember his expression. It’s as though I had disarmed him. I’d never said anything like that before.

From that night on, something changed. Piece by piece, we dismantled the walls guarding our hearts, and let in the love we didn’t know existed. A love we had never witnessed in the homes we grew up in.

When we invited God into our marriage, we experienced Agape love for the first time. We began to love each other, not for what we did, or how much we got right, or how great we were at being husband and wife, but we began to love the other the way Jesus loves us.

Love is not an emotion or feeling.

Love is an action.

Love is putting another before yourself.

David Guzik said this about what Love IS NOT…

“Sometimes the people who seem to work the hardest at love are the ones the furthest from it. They do things many would perceive as loving, yet they do them in a manner that would parade itself. This isn’t love; this is pride looking for glory by the appearance of love.”

To love your spouse with Agape love is to love in spite of.

It is grace upon grace upon grace…

It is continuing to serve when you feel unappreciated.

It is holding your flesh back, and letting the Holy Spirit flow from your mouth.

It is loving fiercely even when you do not receive love back.

It is patient, still, composed, unmoving.

It is forgiveness.

It is remembering that you are also imperfect.

And still…

God continues to forgive me over and over and over…

And His love is unchanging despite what I do or don’t do.

It is remembering that your spouse is not your enemy.

The enemy is real. And he can’t have your marriage. Satan doesn’t speak for you. And he will not be victorious.

Love kills the Devil.

The Devil hates love.

Because love is life.

It gives life.

It is beauty.

It is the sunrise over the mountain.

The sunset over the sea.

It is the birds and flowers.

It is the rain and the wind.

Love is powerful.

It is everything.

Everywhere.

High and low.

It is suffering.

Because Jesus suffered for me.

Because He loves me so deeply.

In spite of.

Because He loves.

I must love.

1 Corinthians 13 says that love is…

Selfless.

Enduring.

Hopeful.

Love never fails.

Love will be all that is left at the very end.

When my husband and I married almost 16 years ago, these were nice words. But impossible commands for two worldly people.

Now, these most holy words hold us both together in life’s storms.

These are the words written on our hearts.

To the very end.