Dear Husbands...

There is a mystery that seems to swirl between husbands and wives. Possibly from the beginning of creation itself.

The tired wife climbs into bed. The suddenly attentive husband snuggles up close.

“Now he wants to be sweet?” she thinks to herself. “Now he wants my attention? After a day like today, he wants sex?”

The husband…

“Bed. Woman. Naked. Now.”

“Why is she not as excited as I am?”

“She’s always tired. I think its just an excuse not to have sex with me. After all I do for her. She’s so cold and unloving. I wish I had…”

The Enemy enters.

I’m going to make the Devil real mad and bust this mystery wide open for the fellas.

She wants needs to be romanced.

Romance makes a woman feel loved. When a woman feels loved, she feels safe. When a woman feels safe, she feels relaxed. When a woman feels relaxed, well…

Romance isn’t an elaborate gesture.

Romance is a gentle touch, a kind word, or a small, thoughtful act.

The list below is long, but, here’s the secret, fellas…

She only needs you to do just one of these things to feel romanced.

And if she feels romanced, she feels beautiful.

When she feels beautiful, she feels loved.

When she feels loved by her husband, she longs to be intimate with him.

Don’t try to do all or even most of these things at once. Working too hard to “get some tonight” will cause bitterness in a man’s heart. Aim to simply make her feel loved, cherished, safe. Do try to do all of these things on a rotation, however. If you can start a habit of romance, you’ll see a mighty happy wife…

TODAY…

• Speak to her…

  • Have you told her you love her?

  • Have you complimented her?

    • Noticed her new dress, noticed she’s wearing a dress, noticed her hair, or how nice she smells?

    • Did you notice the new curtains or vase of flowers on the table? Or how clean the house is?

  • Have you asked her how she is?

    • How her day was?

  • Have you said something encouraging?

  • Have you shown gratitude?

  • Have you thanked her?

• Touch her…

  • Have you greeted her with a kiss?

  • Have you given her a nice long hug?

  • Have you sat next to her.

  • Have you held her hand.

  • Have you put your hand on her waist.

  • Or her butt when the kids aren’t looking?

  • Have you offered her a massage?

    • Touch shouldn’t start when you both climb into bed. Touch should be happening throughout the day. Those little touches, flirtations build up to the grander intimacy.

    • Stop molesting us, especially in front of the kids. No woman enjoys being groped. It doesn’t make us feel safe.

• See her…

  • Has she caught you staring at her?

  • Or has your gaze been on the game?

  • Or have you been staring at your phone?

  • Or a violent action flick?

  • Or a horror movie?

    • Try watching something she likes; a nature doc, perhaps.

    • Or better yet go outside and watch the sunset together.

• Hear her…

  • Have you listened to what’s on her mind?

  • Have you been a shoulder to lean on?

  • Have you validated her feelings?

    • While women ought not dump ALL their feelings and thoughts on their husbands (that’s what female friends are for) they should be able to come to him about the things that pertain to their marriage or family.

    • If a woman has something weighing on her mind, she will not be interested in sex.

• Taste, smell, sound…

  • Did you cook dinner for her?

  • Or bring home her favorite ice-cream?

  • Or pick some flowers for her?

  • Or put on her favorite song?

• Action…

  • Did you take her on a date?

  • Or did something she enjoys?

  • Surprise her?

  • Did you help with the kids?

    • Did you spend time with them?

    • Entertain them while she cooked dinner?

    • Back her up when they were being difficult or disrespectful?

    • Help get them to bed…early?

      • One of the most attractive things to a woman is when a husband is being an attentive father.

• Lead her…

  • Did you pray at the meal without her hinting?

  • Did you read or share scripture with her?

  • Did you pray over her?

  • Did you share a blessing God gave you recently?

  • Did you minster or encourage someone else?

    • To a Christian woman, there is nothing more attractive than a God-fearing husband.

• Protect her…

  • Did you open her door?

  • Did you put yourself in danger?

  • Did you protect her spiritually?

  • Did you stand up for her?

    • If someone is being disrespectful to your wife; maybe your family member, her family member, a friend, a co-worker, a random stranger, whoever; she needs you to protect her emotionally, spiritually, physically; when she’s right next to you and when she’s not around.

      • My husband is fiercely protective of me and our boys. He has verbally and physically defended me against drunken frat guys, German bullies, out-of-line family members, and once a co-worker’s wife. He doesn’t let anyone speak to me or about me in a disrespectful or threatening manner. Goodness, if that ain’t sexy!

I’ll end with this, gentlemen…

Not doing any of these things will not only cause a disconnect in the bedroom, but will most assuredly cause strife in your marriage. If you are a Godly man, your second priority (God being your number one) should be to make your wife feel safe. ONLY YOU can do that. Only a woman’s husband. No one else can replace you in the role of protector.

Remember, if she feels safe, she will feel loved and if she feels loved, she will love on you…

~Casey

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Ephesians 5:25