A line has been drawn in the proverbial sand.
Homemaking is hard work.
Versus…
Homemaking isn’t that hard.
I would dare say…
Homemaking doesn’t have to be hard…
I am wrapping up my series called “Daily Joy”, a guide consisting of practical steps, and encouragement for any family in any season of life to avoid burnout in the work of homemaking from cultivating a beautiful home, to homeschooling with grace, to gardening from a place of gratitude.
This series was sparked by a popular “homesteading” influencer announcing that she was calling it quits in all aspects of her life including homemaking.
I, for one, am frustrated by the melancholy culture that is being created by the homemaking community. The virtual signalling from stay-at-home-moms is growing. It’s a slow spread of discontentment, bitterness, and self-pity.
It's all very dramatic.
The reactions to men calling women out for being lazy in their work have been…well…not positive…
“You don’t know what we go through!”
“If you’re not a woman, shut up and sit the f*** down, dude.”
“Men should not be commenting on homemaking if they’ve never been a stay at home parent.”
“Some days, I barely feel like loading the dishwasher.”
“I just don’t have enough hours in the day to do it all by myself.”
“I’m overwhelmed and exhausted.”
“Do you know what I have to deal with?!”
“You don’t know how hard it is!”
I would dare say homemaking can be hard. Like, really hard.
But it doesn’t have to be hard at all.
I’m going to have to side with the fellas on this one, ladies.
Hear me out.
I used to feel overwhelmed. Exhausted. Bitter. Excuse after excuse why I couldn’t get the work done, day after day. It was too much. It was too hard.
It took some major reflecting and humility.
Everything that went right or wrong in my household was under my control.
Things needed to change.
And it started with my heart.
Now, most days are joyful.
There are the rare days I feel overstimulated.
No longer overwhelmed.
So, sisters…
Here’s my tough love for you.
This is meant to encourage.
To empower…
It’s time to stop complaining.
Put on your big girl pants.
Get a hold of your household.
Here are some reasons many homemakers are struggling in their work.
Ready to take a long look in the mirror (like I had to)?
I’m not on a healthy sleep cycle.
This doesn’t just include getting enough sleep. This is about getting up with the sunrise (sometimes before). Not only is this fantastic for our mental health, our spiritual life, but it’s incredible how much we can accomplish in those few hours before the rest of the house wakes.
Take a rest. I make sure my Bible Study time is super cozy and relaxing. I also take about an hour, typically around 2 o’clock, to rest. Sometimes that looks like a quick nap, sometimes that’s just laying down reading a book, sometimes that’s sitting down at my desk to get some administrative things done.
Go to sleep, sis! At a decent hour. Soon after the sun sets is when we should be winding it down and disconnecting from screens.
Get on the same sleep cycle as your spouse. It seems trivial, but it makes a huge difference to the health of your marriage and family.
I don’t have enough hours in the day.
How many hours are you looking at a screen? For the 1,000th time, delete all your social media accounts. Not only will you gain 2-4 extra hours, but you will no longer be influenced by all these phony influencers, thus making you immune from the pity-party virus.
I takes me a long time to complete tasks. If I even complete them at all.
Men work faster than us on tasks because they are able to focus better than women. Why is this? Well, men don’t need nearly as much sleep to perform at their max. It’s common knowledge President Trump only sleeps 4 hours each night.
We’ll never be men, but we can perform tasks much more efficiently as women if we get our brain health in order. And it's so much easier than you think.
Get better sleep. Avoid screens. Ditch caffeine. Eat clean. Exercise. Read Bible. Yep, that’s it. Those are the secret ingredients to healing your brain and becoming a more focused human being.
I feel overwhelmed; like I’m spinning my wheels.
Ya’ doing too much, Martha. Every child does not need to be in an extra curricular activity. Nor multiple activities for one child. You also don’t have to volunteer to help with every church need. You don’t have to have people over for the holidays every year. You don’t have to go on vacation. You don’t have to give your child a birthday party. You don’t have to say yes to every invitation and event. You don’t have to be a part of 3 homeschool groups. You don’t have to do a massive food garden this year. You don’t have to make soap and keep sourdough and knit a scarf all in the same week.
If it isn’t literally inside the home, start eliminating commitments and scale back on what you can’t eliminate. Everything does not have to be massive, over the top, perfect. The world will not fall a part. But your home on the other hand…
I’m exhausted.
If you are under the age of 50, a day's work of homemaking should not exhaust you physically. If it does, you may need to look into underlying health issues.
If you are mentally exhausted, you don’t need more self-care time or a girls’ getaway… you need a schedule, and your perspective shifted. Check out my series’ posts on how to go from exhausted to joyful every single day.
If keeping a home, family, all the things is causing you angst, stealing your peace, causing chaos in your home, you find homemaking hard work, I want you to go back and list all the parts of your day that you thought were hard. And then I want you write next to each of those things solutions.
Get up.
Start solving some problems.
Stop letting your house control you.
No more pity parties.
You are not a victim.
Avoid discontent, melancholy women (online and in-person) whose theme in life (and Substack) is “Woe is me, the great homemaker”.
It’s exhausting. Not the homemaking. The virtue signaling.
Maybe I’m the only woman that feels it right now.
But it will eventually get tiresome for the rest.
My stance…
~Casey
"Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." – Isaiah 40:31
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