shrinking violets do bloom

i wrote this piece a couple years ago and it has sat in my drafts collecting dust. i wasn’t ready to share or be this vulnerable with you, but i’m feeling ready now. many folks don’t know that I manage social anxiety. my mother taught me how to cover my inner-most feelings with a smile. however, post-pandemic that old smile stopped working. i learned in 2018 that i manage a sensory processing disorder and am a highly sensitive person. the world tends to be too loud and when the world is

loud, I get quiet. after lockdown, like many, going back outside and meeting people was challenging. not only was i confused by the new social norms, my body also wasn’t adjusting to all the stimulation and therefore, my social anxiety only got worse. i hope you enjoy this vulnerable story below where i had a victorious moment with my social anxiety.

Sometime in 2022…

let it be know that i manage social anxiety. today i attended a workshop series hosted by the Arkansas Arts Department called GetSmart and it was titled The Art of Business facilitated by Dazz “King Honey” at Yellow Velvet Studios.

The studio is located downtown Little Rock at 221 W 2nd Street up the block from E-stem Downtown middle school. i parked my car on S Louisiana Street, walked over to West 2nd in the heavy fog, praying that i would run into another person who could tell me where to go.

upon entering the building, i realized, i had no clue where this workshop was being held. i walked to the left and to the right, searching on the directory for Arkansas Arts or Arkansas Heritage, but no luck.

i walked back outside, in the fog, to my car and logged on the workshop via zoom. but a small voice inside of me, encouraged me to try again. to get out my car, walk back up the street, and try again. mind you, getting out the car was hard the first time. the second time, girl! the second time, i basically had to force my legs to walk because i had already made it back to my safe place, my car, a place i know, and a place i could be comfortable and alone.

but, i gently encouraged myself and reminded myself of my reason why, “i want to meet King Honey and i want to see their studio”. sometimes it’s my curiosity alone that can help motivate me thru my social anxiety. and by the grace of the gods, the universe, and an observant stranger…(there was someone downstairs in the lobby to direct me where to go) she said she saw me enter the first time and wondered if i was there for the workshop and came downstairs just in case i came back…this is one of those moments good southern christian folks i know would say “look at Godt”—and yes that (t) on the end of God is NOT a typo.