Wrestling vs Sex
Fighting: it’s like sex, but there’s a winner!
Ari Zerner's Demesne
Recent content on Ari Zerner's Demesne
Latest posts
Commentary on "Wrapping Up My SlutCon Experiment"
People had a lot to say about my last post.
Wrapping Up My SlutCon Experiment
I tried leaning into sexual transgression. Here’s what I learned.
Compare Prices By Difference, Not Factor
This post is an experiment in writing collaboratively with Claude. I described the core idea; Claude asked clarifying questions, then drafted using my previous posts to guide writing style. We refined it together from there. Suppose you’re choosing between two chocolate bars: the premium one costs three times as much but tastes noticeably better. Which should you buy? It depends on the…
I Won't Have Kids... Right?
My thoughts on whether I want to have children.
Boredom
It’s Thanksgiving week, and I’m in Texas with my family. I’m so bored. I don’t often get bored at home. There, I keep pretty busy. I think that boredom is the feeling that I can’t take actions that matter. When I’m home, there’s always something I can do. I can spend time with a friend, or improve my space, or cook, or work out, or walk around my…
Why Is Writing Aversive?
The astute reader may have noticed that I’m substantially behind on my Halfhaven commitment. It’s not because I don’t have time to write. Rather, it’s because often, when I contemplate writing, my attention slides away and I do something else instead. I like having written, but I find the actual process of writing aversive. There’s a technique I learned from…
My Thoughts On Nangs
A trip report of a particular cognitive experience.
Veil of Ignorance
A party game!
Too Busy
Musing on being busy.
CFAR Workshop: Day One
What I learned in my first day at the Center For Applied Rationality.
Free Writing
Jotting down some random thoughts.
Letter To My Past
Some advice I’d give to my 25-year-old self.
Good Grief
I grieved recently. The process was intense and unpleasant, and it helped me a lot. In this essay, I’ll talk about my experience and my theory of why it was good for me. Some background context: my friend broke up with me around a year ago. I had expectations for the future, a vision for our life together. I’m sad about losing those. I didn’t want to be sad. I clung to her for…
More About SlutCon
On the first night of SlutCon , brimming with energy, I wrote up some vignettes from the first day . As is so often the case with events like these, the rest of the weekend was a lovely blur. I’ve taken some time to process and reflect, and I want to share some of what I experienced and learned. More Vignettes Saturday I wrestle with a friend of mine as onlookers play music on a Bluetooth…
SlutCon Vignettes: Day 1
Some stories from my first day of SlutCon . All names have been changed to protect the anonymity of the people involved, except for Nick , who is one of the organizers of the event. I go to a talk on men’s fashion. The presenter points to me as a positive example, someone she would see and be intrigued by. This makes sense; I’ve been getting a lot of compliments on my cloak and…
You Are Good
Take a moment to think of something beautiful to you. Not something morally correct or widely appreciated, but something you delight in. For me, this could be a friend’s smile at a party, or a steaming bowl of delicious stew, but I can’t say what brings you joy. Got it? Good. Make the world have more of that. You are good, your tastes and values are good, and the world should be shaped…
Some Nonsense For My Third Halfhaven Post
Bleh, I really don’t feel like writing, but I didn’t write yesterday, and the commitment for Halfhaven is a post every other day. This one’s gonna be 500 words of low-effort stream of consciousness, just to clear that bar. I’m not obligated to write, of course. I don’t really believe in the concept of obligation. I hope to do a high-effort post on this at some point.…
Introducing Halfhaven
Index of posts for Halfhaven Treading Water , Oct 1 Introducing Halfhaven , Oct 3 Some Nonsense For My Third Halfhaven Post , Oct 5 You Are Good , Oct 8 SlutCon Vignettes: Day 1 , Oct 11 More About Slutcon , Oct 16 Good Grief , Oct 20 Letter To My Past , Oct 23 Free Writing , Oct 24 CFAR Workshop: Day One , Nov 6 Too Busy , Nov 7 Veil of Ignorance , Nov 13 My Thoughts On Nangs , Nov 16 Why Is…
Treading Water
I signed up for a membership at my local YMCA a couple days ago, inspired by this post . The YMCA is full-featured, and remarkably cheap remarkably cheap by Bay Area standards, as far as I can tell. My plan is to start a strength training habit of some sort, but I haven’t done so yet. Instead, today I took advantage of the pool. I was low on energy today, due most likely to some mix of poor…
Lower the Bar
The world has a shortage of people doing things. I think one reason for this is that people are afraid the things they do won’t be “good enough”. Something is better than nothing; don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Lower the bar for ideas As I’ve previously discussed on the blog , it’s possible to write more by writing worse. I’m publishing…
Why I Made A Patreon
I’ve been struggling to figure out how to make money lately. I used to be a software engineer, you see, but that line of work isn’t holding my interest these days the way it used to. In my younger years, people joked about me being a robot. I’d always been somewhat fixated on logical rigor, and while that cognitive habit sometimes held me back in matters of friendship, it made…
Everyone Cooks Mushrooms Wrong
I thought I hated mushrooms, but yours are making me reconsider. – My brother Mushrooms are one of my favorite ingredients to cook with, bringing rich umami flavor and a delightfully meaty texture to dishes. Because they can be so delicious, it makes me sad that so few people seem to get them right. I’ve seen even nice restaurants serve pale, watery mushrooms, which is a travesty, especially…
Dadvice on Communication
I want to share some communication advice my dad gave me recently. I had been telling him about some uncertainties I had around a work situation and a dating situation, and the advice was relevant to both. Really, it’s a general technique to help resolve any interpersonal uncertainty. The communication technique consists of a few components: Ask questions. Share information. Use simple…
The 80/20 Beauty Guide: Maximize Impact, Minimize Effort
This is a guest post by my friend Cynthia. If you’d also like to host your writing here, reach out ! Feeling overwhelmed by endless beauty advice? Confused by 12-step skincare routines and wondering if you really need to contour your way to attractiveness? You don’t. This guide cuts through the noise to give you the essentials - the 20% of effort that delivers 80% of the results.…
Note To Self on Writing Quickly
It’s halfway through Quiethaven at LessOnline , an hour where conversation is forbidden to encourage writing. I’ve been meaning to publish more content here, but often find myself bottlenecked on writing speed. The ideas bounce around my head, but it’s daunting to sit down and write a whole post, so the posts don’t get written and the blog stays more barren than I’d…
Magic Deck: Ritual of Change
I brewed a Historic deck recently that I call Ritual of Change . It’s a lot of fun to play, and it’s taken me to Diamond in Best-of-1 Ranked! In this post, I’ll share the decklist and some notes on building/playing the deck. The Decklist Creatures (32) 4 Birds of Paradise 4 Burning‑Tree Emissary 2 Charming Prince 4 Fear of Change 4 Prosperous Innkeeper 2 Abhorrent Oculus 4…
Why You Should Hire Me
Edit 2025-06-16: When I wrote this post, I was still only considering work in software engineering, where I have professional experience. The discussion of my values still very much holds, but that clarity has led me to broaden my horizons. For instance, after finding it very rewarding to volunteer for community events, I’ve been considering a pivot to generalist ops work. To me, the core…
You Are Immortal
Why you might live forever, and what to do about it.
Adding Sidenotes
Inspired by some other blogs I like, I decided I wanted to add hovering previews to the footnotes on my own site 1 . This turned out to be surprisingly complex! First, I asked ChatGPT for a simple plug-and-play solution. When it didn’t have one and the code it suggested didn’t work, I turned to Manicode . Sadly for me, Manicode also struggled; despite several iterations of prompting…
Manifesting a Trading Career
I’ve been intrigued by the world of quantitative trading for many years, so when ex-Jane Street trader Ricki Heicklen ran a trading bootcamp at Manifest recently, I jumped at the opportunity! The bootcamp was a two-day intensive program designed to teach the fundamentals of quantitative trading and provide a glimpse into the experience of being a professional trader. Using a play currency,…
My Tips For Fried Rice
For to make more tasty!
School Mindset
The lessons I had to unlearn to get things done.
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