If you know me, you’ll know I’m not exactly “chill.”
I overthink. I’m pretty type A, anxious-leaning. I have a running to-do list that never fully empties and a brain that doesn’t really power down. So when I say I’m trying to have a low-effort summer, I want to be clear: this is not coming naturally to me. It’s actually kind of an act of will.
But here’s the thing: life right now is genuinely, objectively full. It’s our first summer navigating camp schedules for our six-year-old. I recently took on more client work. We have a toddler AND a puppy. We’re taking vacation. And, I’m still trying to grow this newsletter, as well as my Instagram presence. I’m firing on all cylinders.
And summer, for all its promise of ease, has a way of feeling like one more thing to optimize — one more season to make magical, memorable, perfectly curated.
A couple of weeks ago, I had a mini panic attack. It was a Wednesday evening, my night to solo parent while my husband had a free night. It was also the last full week of school, the week that my increased client load began, the night before I publish my weekly newsletter (why do I publish on Thursdays??), and was leading up to a solo weekend out of town followed by another week out of town with my family.
I had missed a PTO email. I’d blanked on getting back to a friend. I had 72 unread emails across four inboxes and 94 unread texts. My daughter only wanted to be held, and my son did NOT want spaghetti for dinner.
It felt like my heart was going to quite literally jump out of my chest, like it might take off in flight if I didn’t remind it to stay grounded. Like I was genuinely losing my mind.
But really, I think I was just overwhelmed by the SHOULDS. I should be on top of my inbox. I should have known about the PTO party. I should be present with my kids and also responsive to my clients and also growing this newsletter and also, somehow, enjoying summer. Should! Should! Should!
I was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of logistics. How to get everyone (including myself) from Point A to Point B, and then anticipate Point C. And don’t forget tomorrow is the last day to return your child’s school library books!
I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and apparently I'm not alone. Haley Nahman wrote a whole piece recently about how the harder you try to live well and balance everything you care about, the more impossible it feels. Which, yes. Exactly that.
Last week we made it up to Northern Michigan (my happy place) for a few days. I had to work some, but I also had space and grandparent help and a little room to breathe and recalibrate. And I had a realization that felt almost embarrassingly simple: I don’t have to fix this, per se. I just have to feel it and move through it.
My therapist used to say: notice and name it. So I’m trying to do that. Notice the feeling (wow, I feel tapped out!), name it (overwhelm), feel it (ugh do I have to!), and trust that it will pass. Because it always does.
Our culture loves to problem solve and growth hack and optimize. And there’s nothing wrong with that — often that’s me too. But that also takes extra effort and brain space I just don’t have right now. So what if I just didn’t, for a season?
What if we just let the pieces (mostly) fall as they may this summer? Some things will fall short and that’s okay. Superhumans we are not.
Here’s what I’m doing instead.
Accepting you might not master Mahjong this summer. [Insert any new hobby.] And that’s okay. There’s something about summer that makes us feel like we can do more, but what if we just did…less?
Saying maybe and meaning it. “Maybe” gets a bad rap, like it’s a cop-out or a soft no. But sometimes it really is just a maybe. I’ll come if I can, and that’s more honest than a yes I don’t mean.
Linen pants and flip flops as a complete and total outfit. Summer is for feeling effortless (low effort!) and lately, I’ve been reaching for these* and these the most. I have the pants in two colors (Poppy and French Blue) and call me crazy, but I think I need a third (Black). As Christina Tumminello pointed out, your daytime pants really can take you to the pool, and these do that for me.
Protein when you remember. I know everyone’s obsessed with protein and I know it’s important, but let’s not stress about it this summer. I’ve been sprinkling some Needed Collagen Protein in my coffee in the am, and then moving on with my life. It’s tasteless, formulated with clean ingredients, and science-backed. Easy peasy! Plus Mia Rigden says it’s her fav, and that alone is enough for me.
Leaving your phone at home. Or at least in your bag. Recently, I forgot to bring my phone with me on an evening outing with my family and it was kind of magical. All my dependents were with me — the rest could wait. No Brick needed!
Spontaneous plans over scheduled ones. Sometimes it’s the having to plan the thing that actually does me in when I’m already overwhelmed or over-scheduled. Yes to more spontaneous plans! An impromptu midday walk with a friend or inviting a neighbor over last-minute for a glass of wine on the porch. Saying yes to the thing that shows up unexpectedly because you didn’t pack every evening too tight to breathe.
Analog camp schedules. Ditch the spreadsheets in favor of the written word! It feels like a small act of rebellion.
Being in your “20 minutes on the Peloton at home” era. A friend recently opted out of a pilates class that our group thread was talking about with exactly this reasoning and I loved it so much I had to include it here. It’s chic to be realistic with what you can and can’t do in the phase of life you’re in! Fitness is no different.
Air-dried hair. On days I wash my hair (~2x/wk) I use Crown Affair’s hair towel and then the air dry mousse and let it do its thing from there. I have naturally wavy hair, so it’ll look good same day, but then is usually looking iffy the next. So on the other days I do a slicked back bun and there’s nothing I’ve found that’s better than the Roz styling cream. It smells great and does the job, but also doesn’t leave your hair overly greasy. And then for days when I do need a little hit of dry shampoo, I like this or this.
L: Air-dried with Crown Affair. // R: Slicked back with Roz. Biking short distances. We forget about this! It doesn’t have to be walk versus drive (or Subway for my metropolitan friends). Sometimes it’s a five minute bike ride and that’s genuinely delightful.
A movie with your kids on a perfectly nice summer day. It’s okay to be inside sometimes. The grass will still be there tomorrow.
Late bedtimes. They won’t kill us. They really won’t. Live a little!
Not counting your kid’s vegetable intake every single day. Some days it’s a pickle at the pool snack shack and that’s fine. Cucumber is a vegetable. I’m counting it.
Being okay if you miss the activities you paid for. My son wanted to do t-ball this summer, which is great! We are also definitely not going to make every practice and game. We paid for it and whatever. He’ll have fun when he goes and that’s enough.
Only four makeup products. I use this under eye concealer, this brow brush, this highlighter stick, and this blush*. The end.
Natural nails. No polish. Not even on my toes, just clean. Or if we are doing polish, Celisse, which is quick to dry and pretty much fool proof (even in the car). Quick to dry and easy colors. Perfect.
Kids with slightly too-long hair. Feral and free. It’ll get cut eventually!
A cold glass of something at 5pm. My go-to is a glass of the Aplós NA Ume Spritz in a small glass over ice. No added sugar (3g total) and infused with functional ingredients, it’s my favorite NA bev. Crisp, a little bitter, feels like a treat. I love a cold glass of natty wine too, especially on a Friday or Saturday.
Archiving instead of overhauling your closet. Don’t have the mental capacity for a full closet clean out right now, but need to free up some space? Put the things you haven’t been reaching for into a bin and stash it somewhere. This is your “archive.” If you go looking for something in the bin within the next six months, keep it. If the bin just sits there, get rid of it.
Toast with good things on it for dinner. Sourdough and whatever vegetables are looking good on the grill with a drizzle of olive oil and some flaky salt. My friend Katherine helped me realize that this is a meal and a fantastic one at that. She also made homemade ricotta, pesto, and strawberry rhubarb crisp because she IS Martha Stewart, but she also swears they’re all low-effort, so maybe we’ll try it.
So if you, like me, have been feeling a bit under water lately, please know you’re not alone. Summers are for living imperfectly, and that’s why we love them. Not everything needs a system. Not every season needs to be optimized.
Low-effort summer here we come.
xx Ariane
Ps. This post includes affiliate links, but I’d never promote anything I didn’t love. *Denotes gifted product.
Like, comment & share this post! Truly so grateful — each ping makes my day. Plus, it helps others discover my work too.
Subscribe! (And if you feel so inclined to upgrade to a paid subscription, trust you will be my new favorite person.)
Connect with me on Instagram! I’m loving the crossover between IG and Substack lately and am having so much fun chatting with you in my DMs.
Book Office Hours! Want to chat with me 1:1 or pick my brain for a longer period of time? Book a 1:1 session and let’s tackle all the things together! (Offered in 30-minute slots too.)
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.