How to Be a Hype Girl

Today’s my birthday. And with a birthday, comes a little reflection, a little “let’s take stock,” if you will.

A couple of weeks ago, I posted to my Instagram and notes about how to be a hype girl. You know, the kind of person who lifts others up and celebrates their success, fully knowing that one person’s wins doesn’t take away from their own. Basically: a woman who supports other women.

And it resonated with a lot of you.

To be honest, I never really considered being a “hype girl” as something that needs explaining. I feel like it’s pretty intuitive: support others as you would want to be supported.

For example, if I see someone working towards something, I try to acknowledge it. From congratulating a coworker in Slack on a job well done, to praising a friend’s cooking, to commenting on an Instagram reel, if your work (personal or professional) crosses my eyeballs, I generally try to acknowledge it.

This goes for Substack too. If I see your post, I will like it. Even if I don’t know you, even if I don’t have time to read the whole thing. Now, I subscribe to 300+ newsletters and I had to remove them from my email, so chances are, I won’t see your post. But if I do, trust I will give it that little heart because… 1) Go you! You did that! And, 2) It took me a second.

But as it turns out, being a hype girl doesn’t come naturally to all. And having put myself out there more publicly over the past year, I’ve come to realize this more and more.

This is not an attack! I know we’re all busy and overwhelmed and overstimulated. I know sometimes we just can’t.

Rather, it’s a reminder. On how to show up for the people around you, known or unknown. As well as permission to ask for the support you need, when you need it.

I’m here to tell you that WE ALL CAN BE HYPE GIRLS! And it’s not that hard. Hyping someone up can take many forms and it doesn’t have to cost money or much of your time.

1. Hit ‘em with a like. Even if you don’t “know” them. Especially if you do. Putting yourself out there takes guts, whether that’s a post or a text with a big update in it, acknowledge it if and when you see it. And if you see something you genuinely enjoy (like this letter!), like it, or reply to it. It costs you a couple seconds. (And no, I’m not suggesting you must glue yourself to your phone. But when you see it, don’t scroll! Like it!)

2. Leave a note of encouragement. Online this looks like a comment or a DM. In real life, it looks like a text out of nowhere that just says thinking of you, you’ve got this. Notes like these can be a game changer in my day, hbu?

3. Spread the word. Don’t gatekeep someone’s light. Share them with others! Help spread the word on whatever it is they’re trying to build, whatever they’re hoping to achieve, whether that’s a business or a job search or a first 1K.

4. Tell them to keep going. Everyone needs this, not just people building something publicly. The friend mid-fertility journey. The one job hunting for the sixth month in a row. You never know when someone needs the reminder.

5. Cheer on others’ success like you’d cheer on your own. The universe holds enough good fortune for all of us. I really believe that. There’s no leaderboard where someone else’s good news bumps you down a spot. Of course, protect your peace when you need to, but remember that your time will come if it’s not already here.

6. Buy their thing when you can. Even if you don’t “need” it. That’s not really the point. Did I especially need another tote when my friend was making them last year? No. Did I want to support her? Yes. I bought the fifteen dollar tote and I’m so glad I did. (This one comes in a lot of forms, obviously, and you can’t buy everything from everyone. Use your best judgment.)

7. Shop small when you can. Same idea as above, just zoomed out. Before you Google around for the latest dupe or five dollars off, consider buying the thing from the independent bookstore, or the local grocery store, or the small batch clothing company, whatever small business is actually part of your community. We can't all be perfect about this, sometimes Amazon is going to win, that's okay. But when you can, let your dollars go toward the people building the thing you actually admire.

8. Give credit where credit's due. At work, this means naming the person whose idea it actually was, out loud and in front of others. In your circle, it means tagging or mentioning the friend who put you onto the restaurant, the book, the show. When shopping, it means using someone’s link if they’re the one who turned you onto the product. Give credit where credit’s due. That’s how you hype girl!

9. Repost or restack when you’re mentioned. I get it, sometimes it doesn’t feel totally on brand for your feed. But if and when you can, what’s the harm in spreading the love?

10. Share what’s worked for you and what hasn’t. Transparency, people! Share your wins and your losses. We’re all just experimenting out here.

11. Connect them with others. Do you know someone they should meet? Someone who could help them grow, or learn, or who they’d just generally enjoy? Take two minutes to send the intro text or email. For my fellow freelancers, this goes for work too. If someone reaches out about client work you can't take on, don't just say no and leave it there. Think about who in your network might be a good fit and pass their name along. It’s the right thing to do, and you never know when they might return the favor.

Of course, no one can be the ultimate hype girl all the time, so you gotta know when to ask for some hype girl energy too.

It’s hard and vulnerable to ask for help, but I find that the people I look up to the most do. Just as we often need to learn how to best support others, we also need to learn how to ask others for support too.

Specifically for me this last year, that’s looked like:

Emailing people directly when I was first getting ShopMy up and running. Literally asking if they’d shop through my links for their holiday gifting, for example. No shame!

Reminding friends to like my posts. If a LinkedIn or Substack or Instagram post isn’t performing the way I hope, I’ll send it to a couple group chats asking them to “like” it.

Spreading the word about my client work. Every so often, I send a mass email to remind people in my network that I exist and that I’m open for business. And I post to LinkedIn! Substack! Instagram! Sometimes people just need a little reminder that you’re available.

Requesting an intro. We all know that a warm intro is better than cold outreach and I’ve asked for so many warm intros this past year as I’ve been starting up my marketing consulting business. I find people are generally so happy to do it.

Asking for help watching my kids. If you’ve been here a while, you know I solo parent every Saturday, and sometimes, I need a break. I feel so fortunate that I have many friends in town who will take my 6 yo for a play date for a couple hours.

So that’s my birthday wish this year: be a hype girl for all. And when you need one, don’t be afraid to ask.

xx Ariane

P.S. Okay I lied, I have one more wish. Speaking of asking for what you need: today’s the last day of the Just a Splash summer sale and your girl’s got goals! It’s 25% off a paid sub, then it goes back to full price tomorrow. If this post gave you anything today, consider it your chance to hype me back :). TYIA for the greatest gift!

1. Like, comment & share this post! Truly so grateful — each ping makes my day. Plus, it helps others discover my work too.

2. Subscribe! (And if you feel so inclined to upgrade to a paid subscription, trust you will be my new favorite person.)

3. Connect with me on Instagram! I’m loving the crossover between IG and Substack lately and am having so much fun chatting with you in my DMs.

4. Book Office Hours! Want to chat with me 1:1 or pick my brain for a longer period of time? Book a 1:1 session and let’s tackle all the things together! (Offered in 30-minute slots too.)

5. Buy me a coffee :)