Some quick context: My friend Mike and I were, at the time, the only two double majors in both the Journalism program and the Classics department at the University of Missouri. Naturally, as two weirdos are wont to do, we celebrated the Ides of March by watching movies about ancient Rome. Since graduation, Mike created and sent me songs, radio shows, and podcasts each year on March 15 to mark the date. This year, I sent him back a children’s book I wrote, inspired by that fateful day…
…but much more kid-appropriate!
Enjoy!
Some kids like monkey bars. Plenty prefer the swings. Others select a springy horse ride. And there are many who say climbing walls are best.
But Julius…
Julius LOVED slides.
He took on tall slides.
He triumphed over tunnel slides.
He subdued spiral slides.
He tackled twisty slides.
He wrangled wavy slides.
No slide was too tough for Julius.
All summer and fall, Julius conquered every slide he could find.
He slid at playgrounds.
He slid on swingsets.
He slid at parks.
He slid in backyards.
The die was cast on his obsession and he even rode every slide at Rubicon Water Park.
Then winter came and the cold and snow put Julius’ destiny to ride every slide in town on hold.
He spent the season strategizing with his stuffies, putting together the perfect plan to extend his slide empire.
Finally, spring arrived. After weeks of rain, the sun peeked out early one morning and Julius prepared for his first slide of the year.
He left the house, dew still glimmering on the grass, and skipped over a few lingering rain puddles on the way to Senate Park.
Julius did not know about the tragedy that awaited him. This poem recounts the fateful events of that day:
As Julius neared the end of his block, five crows flew over and cawed out a warning.
“Beware the slides of March,” they called out that morning.
But Julius had no fear, he was undeterred.
He didn’t listen to the ravings of birds.
Julius passed a neighbor’s yard where two dogs began to yelp.
“Beware the slides of March!” They were trying to help.
Julius stopped and scratched each behind each of the ears.
Not Romulus, nor Remus awakened his fears.
On a bench in the park, Old Mrs. Sooth said as she waved,
“Beware the slides of March!” But Julius couldn’t be saved.
He smiled as he responded, “Don’t worry at all.
I’m the king of all slides. I’ll never fall!”
He reached his favorite slide, Brutus was its nickname.
A big, beautiful slide, he long ago tamed.
A perfect place to start his newest campaign.
Julius climbed to the top, and things felt the same.
Just like always, his excitement to slide took hold.
He felt giddy. Julius felt bold.
But in his hurry to slide once again
He didn’t see that the slide was still covered in rain.
“Beware the slides of March” warned of this mishap.
Slick with rain, the slide was a trap.
Julius felt betrayed.
He zipped down and water sprayed.
As he flew through the air, Julius exclaimed “Et tu, Brute?!”
Let this be a warning to all children who love to slide.
Beware.
Take care.
And try the swings or the monkey bars until the sun dries those slippery slides.
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