I have been working professionally for more than a decade now, it’s been wonderful ride for the most part. Starting as curious young programmer and now as senior enough engineering leader.

I have been thru multiple cycle of up/downturn, multiple chance of redefining myself. Yet the most difficult part is accepting that the previous definition that I’ve put onto myself is slowly invalidated. Invalidated by the reality, a sign that another round of redefinition is going on.

I’ve always prized myself as a good people leader who nurture people around me, being friend and helping them having a good direction for their personal and career growth. This time I feel like it’s not the reality, or at least not more than the quarter of what it was.

The focus is shifted to other things, tho. And the people that was there are leaving for good reason and move on to the next cycle of theirs. Circle is becoming smaller, closer but feels more fragile, yet the trust is never been higher.

It’s not the first time, and will not be the last time.

Capturing the feeling of the moment