Some Thoughts…

Hi everyone, how are you doing? I hope you guys are doing fine. And if not…I hope things will get better for you soon, even just a bit.

It has been a while since I wrote for my blog. Last time, it was way before August. Also, I skipped this year’s Blaugust event due to my on-going struggle with physical and mental health. Even today, I’m still struggling, especially on the mental part. At the time of the writing, I’m doing okay now. Well, even though I’m still in the middle of non-negotiable IRL stuff and rarely touch this blog, Youtube Studio or Davinci Resolve.

In the past few weeks (or months), I’ve been contemplating about my time and experiences in the Vtuber space. I mostly dwell on this space as a fan/viewer, but now I can make contents and do livestreams as a creator. Earlier this year, I was really excited and happy about getting my livestream up and running. Of course, there was some scuff, but the main point is to have fun! Along the way, I keep livestreamed and practiced, as well as taking inspirations from my muses. Speaking of muses; I recently heard the news recently that they’re actually doing okay! I’m really, really glad. Although one of them still taking their time to heal and may or may not coming back to content creation sphere, the important thing is that they’re safe and doing better over time. I thank God for that.

Ever since the very beginning, I’ve always imagined what life would look and feels like if I become a content creator. It looks fun, I thought (and I still find it fun to this day). To share your passions to the world, and for the world to see… To share the fun with people while also having fun ourselves… These feelings became stronger when I first discover Vtubers.

Of course, I can’t forget about things that made Vtuber fandom can feel heavy at times. The prominent negative events, hate, resentment, jealousy, and on-going toxicity by bad apples in the community makes everything so distressing. Not only that, but also the nature of major social media celebrates and rewards these kinds of dramas, sadly… I know I have complained about this many times in this blog (and in my Mastodon posts, too). I realize I cannot change other people who are stuck in the drama mindset, since I’m not a professional. However, I can control what I want to see and enjoy on social media, maybe even avoid algorithms altogether. Well…in my case, I may not be able to avoid algorithms entirely, but at least I have some control over them. Whoops, got a bit of a tangent here.

I did take a break from streaming and making videos in the past few months–however, I also contemplated on how do I want to approach myself as a content creator. And the answer is… I still want to go on, without the headaches of the heavy atmosphere from the bad apples of the community, of course. Or at least, I hope I can minimize the bad influences from those bad apples…

At the time of writing, I still have many IRL things that needs to be done and I don’t think I will be able to do livestreams in the near future. However, maybe I can squeeze in some videos. Just, maybe. I pray that these IRL things that I have to do will get easier, gentler and better over time. Ameen.