Life Update: March 2025

CW: Talks about mental health struggles. Disclaimer: I’m not a mental health professional. If you need help, contact a therapist near you as soon as possible.

The Struggle

As you might (or might not) have known, my birthday is in March. More specifically, after March 7th’s Day, and before the Miku Day. This year, my birth month is in the Holy Month of Ramadhan, which does gives me some new wisdom. Around this time, I feel like I should have things figured out by now, and doing things that should (and will) be benefit me in the long run. Sadly, even though I have a list consists of many things that I want (and have) to do… I found myself often feel hopeless lately. ‘What if nothing changes, even though I’ve already worked really hard for this and that? What if everything that I worked so hard for, will disappear in a blink of an eye? What if I’ll get betrayed by reality, over and over again?’

If you’re following my blog posts since a long time ago, you might remember about how I’ve often struggle with my own mental health. This time, it’s no different… Because of that, I struggle to work on my freelancing stuff and content creation. Don’t get me wrong; it’s not burnout (or at least, that’s what I feel) because I still want to make content that I really want to make, and I DO have to make some earnings; at least, to save money for buy an upgrade part for my computer. To be honest, there are feelings of hopelessness, a fear of things not going to be better, and a fear of an inevitable heartbreak in the future. And at the time of writing this post, these feelings affected my physical health too. Sadge ☹

I do admit there are some things that we need to pay attention to, but oftentimes they’re really overwhelming (at least for me). Even so, I tend to worry too much, then I found myself scrolling through things that I’m really worried about, even though I know it will definitely hurt me. Curiousity kills the cat, huh?

Maybe…what I really want to find at my almost endless scrolling is that I wanted to be proven wrong. I want proof that all that I’m worried about is just my imagination; that I’m simply worried too much and there’s nothing to be afraid of. I know I’m asking too much, and yeah… In the end, I’m doing doom-scrolling a lot, in which will not be healthy in the long run. However, the worries from inside becomes heavier…and the feelings of hopelessness becomes stronger.

The Appreciation

Until one day… I found some people who are still trying despite everything, supported one another in the trying times, and inspiring one another to chase their dreams. That includes my muses. One of them finally achieved one of their biggest dreams, and glad that they’re never give up in the past. Moreover, the people around them are also happy and proud about their achievements, they even make that as a motivation to never give up on their own dreams.

Although I don’t know the full lore of these people (because I want to respect the privacy of each person there), I’m grateful to found these people. Unlike the old ‘community’ that I used to join, these people are never giving in to despair, whether in the past and in the present (and hopefully in the future as well). They’re definitely not perfect (as we all are) and they’re normal people like us all; however, their persistence and kindness push through—in which I believe, is a true strength. Believe it or not, I cried with joy when I witness they’re come together to celebrate other’s achievement and being grateful for one another.

‘When was the last time I cried with such warmth and joy like this…?’

These people remind me that kindness goes a long way. You never know your act of kindness might inspire people to become a better version of themselves, can make people feel seen and heard, or even save a life. Little by little, my feelings of hopelessness fade away.

However, when the sky is gray and hanging over our head, I think it’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to vent, to feel tired, angry or sad because things were not the way you wanted to be. It’s okay to take a step back and giving yourself time to recover, for as long as you need. Of course, there are things that is way too personal to share, and that’s alright too. I admit these might sound too generic, but if the burden is too heavy to bear, make sure to talk to that trusted someone or (the better option) a therapist. Writing in a diary also helps to ease the burden, even just a little. Don’t ignore your own feelings.

When there are some things that are outside of my control, I always try to be grateful for the things that I have, things that I can still enjoy, and small things that brings me joy in the present moment. I can still enjoy my muses’ streams and VODs. I can still enjoy playing my favourite video games. I can still enjoy good food and still have a roof over my head, a supportive family and a bunch of good mutuals.

Ramadhan also gave me another wisdom: to be patient towards ourselves, and others. In my opinion, to be patient towards ourselves is to make a space and time for ourselves to heal when everything feels overwhelming. Secondly, to be patient towards other people is to understand why people act the way that they do, and not to make some wild assumptions about them. Because you never know if they have some personal troubles and the like. Unless they’re just exist for trolling, then you can simply disengage, mute, block and report them. Again, this is my opinions, and it depends on the context and the situation.

The Summary

With the thoughts and feelings of hopelessness that I had at the beginning of March, I’m glad March was the month that Ramadhan occurred. I’m thankful to God who makes me able to meet good people and wisdom from them. To be honest, I’m still struggling with the feelings I’ve mentioned above; however, I won’t let those feelings taint the good moments that I have in this present moment that I’ve always grateful for. I’m not ignoring my feelings either—I will be patient towards myself, and others. Because, after the rain…The smell of grass is always refreshing.

Please take care of yourselves, stay safe, and don’t forget to breathe. I pray that each one of you will be given strength to weather any storm in the darkest dusk, and eventually to be greeted by a beautiful, shining dawn.