As you might now, I’m following a handful of content creators, mostly Vtubers. I used to subscribe to many of them; however, due to… Well, let’s say due to the ‘recent factors’ (mainly personal, mind you), I’ve unsubscribed to many of them. Some of them were used to be my favourites, but right now I’ve only followed creators that I really like and resonate with; cozy streamers. Many that I followed aren’t the ones who often play farming sims (even though one of them played a session of farming sim with their friends). However, I really like the way their personality is reflected through their reaction when playing games or by their interaction with their community. Less toxicity, more fun times!
…Even though one of them are prone to Mimic treasure chests, like Freiren. Or getting addicted in a card game in which many people considered is the main plot (which is not, by the way. The card game is just a side activity.).
Beside those cozy streamers, there’s actually a few local Vtubers that I also follow. Some of them are really good at Minecraft, while another is raving about the critically-acclaimed MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV in which—Ahem! Some of them are really great singers, too. Well… As someone who pruned her own subscriptions…that still sounds a lot, huh? To be honest, there is reason as to why I’ve decided to follow their YouTube channels.
The main reason was because… I’m familiar with their ‘past lives’. I won’t reveal who they were before they either come back to ‘their ancient form’ or ‘being reborn anew’. Whenever I remembered them when they were in their ‘past lives’, I can say it’s bittersweet. Sadly, the memory of them often ends with a sour and painful note. In the present, I subscribed to their ‘current lives’ YouTube or Twitch channel, only just to keep track of them. I know they will be creating more greater content than the last.
Also, I keep having this strange feeling whenever I watched their content in their ‘current lives’. I found myself strangely enjoying their Minecraft streams, singing streams, or just doing Free Talks. And after their streams ends, I felt happy…but sadly weird. It’s not a major negative feeling, but I guess the strangeness came with the previous knowledge of about them in their ‘previous lives’. You almost immediately know it’s them when you found them again, but different. At the same time, you still like their newer contents like you did with their original contents in the ‘previous life’. As painful it is to admit, I understand that they won’t talk about their ‘past lives’, whether because of NDA, wounds from the past, or a mix of both.
In the meantime, I will try to cherish the ones that still remain even though I know I will outlive them someday. When their ‘time’ comes, I know I will get triggered by my fears all over again. However, if someday their ‘soul’ decided to undergo ‘rebirth’ or return to their ‘ancient form’… There’s also a chance to find them again…after I’ve dealt with the pain of witnessed them ‘perish’ all over again, that’s for sure. If only they could remain the way they are now, when they decided to travel ‘beyond the limits’… I guess this is just a selfish wish of mine.
Riel's Nest 