The Skull Pile

write-on-world:

The Most Important Words and Phrases To Learn in Any Language | Word Genius

The Most Important Words and Phrases To Learn in Any Language

When you’re traveling abroad to a country that doesn’t speak your mother tongue, you should know some basic phrases. Here are a few to help

Word Genius

reaperlight:

Cletus: Yes! I got the tickets!

Frances: Awesome, baby! You’re the best! We can finally see them in person!

Carnage [grumbling]: Why does everything you love involve blowing out our eardrums?

Cletus: No one’s making you come.

Carnage: Please… You’d get yourselves caught or killed in five minutes without me.

Cletus: You know I killed quite a few people before I ever met you, right? We’re not exactly helpless…

Carnage: I think you’re buying into your own hype. Your instincts are not as sharp as they once were, are they? After years of decaying, rotting in that cell. Do you want to go back there? Cletus, you need me.

Cletus: …Tell you what, buddy. I can already see if we take you along you’re gonna bitch the entire time or massacre the band and the concert goers and generally be unpleasant during our date so how about you stay here tonight? You can spend a peaceful night eating cops by your lonesome and Frances and I will have our date night at the concert. And it will be fine.

Carnage: Without me you are squishy and vulnerable to bullet fire. And what if some little hero crashes your date? What if my father finds you?

Cletus: Well then… Frances can protect me–she’s a badass in case you haven’t noticed. Assuming I don’t get him first. You know…

Carnage: [*sulking, going into her cat as a temporary host*]

Carnage: You need me.

Cletus: …maybe I do. But I promise you we’ll be fine for one fucking night.

Carnage: Fine. Don’t die.

Frances: Jesus, we’re going to a My Chem concert. Not off to war. It’ll be fine.

Carnage [snarling]: Take care of him!

Frances: Of course I will, he’s my husband! What’s gotten into you?

Carnage: What’s gotten out of me more like it. Pardon me for being concerned about my host putting himself in danger…

Cletus: You just really like my body apparently.

Carnage: Yes I do.

Cletus: Ah…

Frances: …See you later, Carnage.

reaperlight:

(Venom 3 spoilers)

(More Eddie finds help from protective murder friends au)

Cletus: The first rule of rescuing a loved one from an evil government lab is to have fun and be yourself.

Eddie: This is not helpful.

Cletus: Sorry. You know… I did what you’re doing right now. I searched for years but like I could only actually do it when I already had Carnage, so…

Eddie: So how is that supposed to help Venom?

Cletus: Do you really wanna make my mistakes, Eddie? You saw how that ended up.

Eddie: I don’t know, you seem to be doing alright now.

Cletus: Eddie…

Eddie: I can’t abandon him.

Frances: We know.

Cletus: Look… I’ve been there. I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes right now. But you don’t wanna be messing with this. At least not alone. Put those guns away and let us help you. You know Anne’s really worried about you.

Eddie: You had to involve her in this.

Cletus: I didn’t know what to do, you weren’t listening to me and I couldn’t just watch you throw your life away…

Eddie: It’s already gone. I can’t. Without him–

Cletus: Eddie… you know I’m already burned. So let me do it. I can get him back to you.

Eddie: Why, why would you help us?

Cletus: I told you, Eddie. I like you. That’s all I ever wanted, to be your friend.

Eddie: You always try to befriend people via sledgehammer?

Cletus: I may have… overreacted. You know I didn’t have my head on straight.

Eddie: And now you do?

Cletus: Yes. Look, I’m not asking for your forgiveness but I’d like to try and make it up to you, if you’ll let me.

Eddie: Assuming I even agree to this… what’s in it for you?

Cletus: Just… Can we be friends, for reals? Please? You don’t have to forgive me. I’m not asking that. Just… we really want to be friends with you. That’s all.

Eddie: Alright fine. Just help me get Venom back.

Frances: You won’t regret this, Brockilicious!

Eddie: Believe me, I already do.

Cletus: So like, maybe… do you want us to just… clear the way for you? We storm in there, you get Venom out, all is good.

Eddie: You know they’ll be prepared for symbiotes, right? That’s like their whole thing. You’ll get captured.

Cletus: Oh Eddie you do care! Yeah uh… Well both my girls kissed and made up, really bonded you know, and now we’re immune to sonic attacks now. And I can stand the heat. I can take it. I don’t really… experience pain like you do anymore. It takes a lot to feel anything. All my life it’s been nothing but suffering. It’s funny how I almost miss it.

Eddie: Are you going to read poetry now?

Cletus: Ha! You know that wasn’t for you but maybe if we survive this I’ll write something for you.

Eddie [daring to hope]: …you really think you can do this?

Cletus: Uh yeah, did it before at Ravencroft.

Eddie: They’ve got like these elite symbiote hunters.

Frances: But they won’t be prepared for me.

Cletus: Have I mentioned lately that Frances is awesome?

Eddie: Only every five minutes.

Cletus: Her powers have grown. She is like wicked strong in the Force.

Frances [eyes glowing, raw power swirling around her]: Alright, let’s do this!

Eddie: No murders.

Cletus: C'mon Eddie, you know we can’t promise that.

Eddie: Just… keep it to a minimum will you?

[Seeing the tank where Venom is held from some distance away while fighting their way through the base]

Eddie: Aw shit, I knew I’m forgetting something. How are we gonna get him out? I can’t rebond with him or the codex thing activates. But I can’t just leave him there. But as long as this Knull guy is out there if we bond again they’ll come after us and doom the planet. He’d send those Xenophages, big monster things. They’d eat you for breakfast

Carnage: They can certainly try.

Eddie: Buddy, I’ve seen them eat like ten of you. You’re not special.

Carnage: *Offended symbiote noises*

Cletus: Yes, you’re very special, sweetheart. But I think it would be wise to listen to Eddie if he says it’s dangerous.

Frances: …I could carry him for you.

Eddie: What?

Frances: Venom. This… codex thing won’t happen if someone else hosts him, right? I host Carnage sometimes. It won’t be a problem. I can host him for you.

Eddie: But wouldn’t that be awkward?

Frances: Why? I told you I host Carnage sometimes.

Eddie: Okay but like, for Cletus? [To Cletus] That’s like… my husband in your wife… Sharing a body.

Cletus: You’re sure you’re okay with that, baby?

Frances: Yes, I can do this. I want to do it.

Cletus: Okay. If you’re sure.

Frances: *nods*

Eddie: Okay. Then after this…

[All dodging bulletfire, Eddie looks away as Carnage slams tentacles through them and Frances clears a path with her new telekinesis and mind control powers.]

Eddie: Shit, what are we gonna do?

Cletus: So like, it seems simple enough to me. After we rescue your husband then we find this Knull dude and kill him.

Eddie: I doubt it’s that simple. I don’t think he’s even on Earth.

Frances: So like we steal a rocket or something? If they’re coming after you anyway might as well go big.

Cletus: Yeah, we just do whatever we need to do and find this guy and then… then you let me do what I’m good at.

Eddie: Are you sure you’re cool with all this? Especially after all that happened before…

Cletus: Eddie… if we weren’t cool do you think I be helping you now? If anything you did us a favor. You gave me and Carnage a chance for a hard reset so we could really bond.

Eddie: Wait a minute… the codex. Oh shit. It exists because I died and Venom brought me back to life….

Frances: You died?!

Eddie: Temporarily, nevermind that. [To Cletus] You died. So then why aren’t they coming after you?

Cletus [Visibly confused]: Maybe they are and and we haven’t noticed yet?

Eddie: Well, that’s a terrifying thought but not quite as bad as you secretly working for Knull.

Cletus: Eddie, Frances is the only person I’d ever let boss me around. And I’d make a pretty shitty spy considering you already don’t trust me, and for good reason.

Eddie: That’s true.

Cletus: Maybe… Well, that wasn’t the first time I died, you know.

Eddie: Huh?

Cletus: Told you. Baby Cletus died on the operating table as a newborn babe. Also my heart stopped when I got the needle too.

Eddie: Jeez, you’re like a zombie.

Cletus: Yeah, suppose it could be something supernatural at play here, like Granny was involved in some weird cult shit. Also nearly bled to death when granny carved up my back with a kitchen knife as a kid. Maybe that counts as dying too.

Eddie: Carved up your back?

[During a pause in the fighting, briefly takes off his shirt and shows the scars. ]

Eddie: Woah!

Cletus: See, I’m not bullshitting you. I never lied to you, Eddie.

Eddie: Huh? Yeah, I believe you, okay Just… Holy shit.

Frances [holding him tenderly]: I know, my poor baby!

Eddie [visibly alarmed]: Yes. Also…

Cletus: What? What is it?

Eddie: I am sorry that happened to you. Like, there’s no good way to say this so I’m just gonna say it. I’m not accusing you of anything–

Cletus: What is it, Eddie?

Eddie: That’s Knull’s symbol.

Cletus: What?!

Frances: Knull’s symbol?

Cletus: …well fuck me.

Carnage: Do not fuck him. He is taken.

Cletus: Eddie, I swear I don’t know this guy. I didn’t even know what that was. Given the way my family treated me I wanted nothing to do with it–

Eddie: I believe you. I do. And I am so, so sorry.

Cletus: This was from when I was kid… Was this asshole fucking with me my entirely life? Before I was even born? My entire family? Well, I wanted to kill this guy before on general principle but now–

Eddie: Now it’s personal?

Cletus: Oh It was already personal. He hurt you.

Eddie: …

Cletus: Eddie, I… I’m sorry. About before. My head wasn’t on straight.

Eddie [sighing]: Honestly, I’m more angry about you kidnapping Anne.

Frances: In fairness that was my idea, don’t blame him for that.

Cletus: We just needed you there, you know?

Eddie: Why?

Cletus: Because you’re our friend and we were getting married and… and it seemed like a good idea at the time? I apologized to her when I called her.

Eddie: What did she say to that?

Cletus: I promised her I’m not that guy anymore. That I was gonna help you not repeat my mistakes. She passed on some legal contacts in case we got into any more trouble which I think more for your sake than mine but it was most appreciated in any case.

Eddie: [*staring at the scarification on his back.*]

Eddie: But… what does it mean?

Cletus: Well, I always assumed it just meant I was raised by abusive fucks.

Eddie: I’m sorry. But what if like… Knull’s controlling you or something? Has been controlling you all along?

Cletus: …I like to think I have some agency. No, those are my mistakes and I own them.

Eddie: That… That’s all well and good but how can you kill him if he can just possess you or something? He’s supposed to be like a symbiote God, right? And you’ve got his symbol.

Cletus: We don’t know if he can do that? …can he?

Carnage: *nodding*

Cletus: Oh.

Frances: *gasping*

Eddie: Shit.

Cletus: Well, if it comes to that… Frances. Can you…?

Frances: Cletus, you can’t ask me to—

Cletus: Baby, you can control my mind, I give you permission. I want you to do it if that sick fuck is making me his meat puppet, alright? Do not hesitate. Use that jedi mind trick of yours to make me slit my own throat.

Frances: Baby!

Eddie: Woah!

Cletus: I’d rather die then be made to hurt you or our friends again. Do whatever you have to do to stay alive. Can you do that for me, baby?

Frances [*Wiping away tears, nods.*]

Cletus [*also wiping away tears*]: That’s my girl.

Eddie: I don’t doubt that she’s strong, but I think Knull is supposed to be really tough. Venom was afraid of him–

Carnage [scoffing]: Venom was afraid of me.

Eddie: Just… we don’t want to be underestimating this. What if he’s too powerful?

Cletus: Well, I guess we burn that bridge when we come to it.

Frances: Come on, Eddie. Let’s go rescue your boytoy.

[Getting to the tank where Venom is held]

Frances: [*Breaks the glass*]

Venom [in Frances]: Eddie!

[Venom making out sloppy style with Eddie while Cletus awkwardly looks away.]

[Eddie considering he is so far unmurdered. Maybe they really have changed…]

Cletus: C'mon we gotta go.

Venom: …what?!

Eddie: He’s with me, they’re helping us. I’ll explain later, come on…

write-on-world:

“Keep Calm and Carry On” posters were never actually released during WWII.

“Keep Calm and Carry On” posters and their variants have become ubiquitous over the last two decades, a symbol of the United Kingdom’s stoic

History Facts

reaperlight:

Baiting The Dragon

[More post Venom 3 Carnage found family au]

[*Eddie wakes up, tied up next to Cletus in a dark warehouse somewhere, trying to mentally retrace how they got here.

That’s right, they were ambushed on the way back from the store.

Aw shit, the groceries….

They were rotting in the street somewhere if they weren’t just incinerated by flamethrower. (Goddammit that was so expensive.)

The flamethrowers!

There was no way he would have survived that without Venom.

Venom?

Where was Venom?

Oh, of course–with Flash. He had work today.

Fuck!

They were supposed to meet them for the trade off at six tonight. (What time was it now?)

One moment they were just walking down the street, enjoying a nice sunny day.

The next the blast of searing heat, burning–

Venom wasn’t here, how had he survived…?

That’s right. Cletus–Cletus pushed him out of the way, He and Carnage took the brunt of it.

Looking over, they still looked to be in a bad way. Were they healing slower than usual?

Eddie’s racing thoughts were interrupted when his eyes focused upon the gloating face of someone he was never expecting to see again…*]

Eddie: Oh come on! You are dead. Dead. Go fuck off and stay dead.

Drake: I’m hurt. Truly. Big journal entry about that tonight.

Cletus: Hey Eddie, who the hell is this dipshit?

Eddie: [*Sees it clearly irked Drake to not be recognized*] Oh just some asshole who screwed up my life. Don’t worry about it.

Cletus: Oh, I see. Well fuck him then.

Drake: Really, Eddie, I should thank you. Once I got my symbiote under control with the suppressor collar… having the world think I’d burned up in the rocket was a convenient way to fake my death and launder my money so I pay even less in taxes. So, thank you for that.

Eddie: …No problem. Uh… That means you’re going to let us go, right?

Drake: Hmm, no… You may have noticed that you’re symbiotes can’t come out to play right now. State of the art symbiote suppressor collars. My own design and I spared no expense. Wasn’t that nice of me? Say thank you.

Eddie [*Can’t let him know he was currently Venom-less because he’d probably just kill him.*] Go to Hell.

Drake: Rude and ungrateful as ever. Long journal entry about it tonight.

Cletus: Gotta say, it’s not really to my taste.

Eddie: I think you look good in it. The collar. If not for the whole suppressor thing. But then you can make anything look good. You can make those eyesore Aloha shirts look good.

Cletus: What’s wrong with my shirts?

Eddie: Nothing. I just said you look good.

Cletus: What I’m getting from this is you want to see me in a collar. Shall we ask our wife on our next trip to Hot Topic?

Drake: You use humor as a coping mechanism to avoid feeling anything. But don’t worry you will feel it by the time we’re done with you.

Cletus: Ah, as they say on them internets, ‘cool beans.’

Eddie: You know you could have just tried Tinder…

Drake: Brock, I did not seek out your company by choice I assure you. I need you.

Eddie: You… need us?

Drake [sighing]: I have a bit of a problem. Whenever I let Riot out he takes a bit more from me.

Eddie: Well, that sounds like a you problem.

Cletus: Yeah, that’s got nothing to do with us.

Drake: Au contraire, but it does. What is it about you? Or evidently your heyseed friend here that allows for a successful symbiosis? I simply must find out. Time is of the essence. What is it about you…? You don’t even understand, do you? The gift you’ve been given.. What an amazing creature you are.

Drake: [*invading Eddie’s personal space*]

Cletus: Hey… you only need one of us right? So let him go.

Eddie [*concerned by Cletus’s yet labored breathing and slow rate of recovery*]: No, Cletus we are not doing this. [*to Drake*] I’m the one you want. Let him go.

Cletus: Eddie, you really don’t wanna see what I’m about to do to this bastard.

[*Eddie realizing that since Carnage is in his blood he could just bite his lip or something and probably get around the suppressor collar thing but no need to let Drake know that.*]

Eddie [*shooting him a knowing look*] What are you gonna do, Cletus? Say mean things to him? Breathe on him hard? You’re in no shape for this.

Cletus [*sharing said look*]: Yeah, well neither are you. Stop being so damn noble and get the hell out of here!

Drake [*Looking over both of them*]: …That’s it, isn’t it?

Cletus: Don’t you dare touch him, you creep!

Drake: [*caressing Eddie’s cheek*]

Cletus [snarling]: …I am going to make you eat your own hands.

Drake: I’m afraid you’re a bit too late for that. Drake [*peeling back “skin” to show he has robot hands*]: Riot left to his own devices would have had all of me by now. Time is of the essence while there’s still anything left of me.

Eddie: Jesus!

Cletus: No Eddie, don’t you dare feel sorry for this asshole.

Eddie: Who says I do? Really, just let me get the world’s smallest violin.

Cletus: …Touch him again and I’ll still make you eat those hands. You’ll get your daily supply of iron.

Drake [*grinning*]: Hmmm… it seems Brock you have a type. You have no shortage of violent, protective men and entities clamoring to be your boyfriends, do you?

Cletus: …huh?

Drake: Thats the answer, isn’t it? Extreme empathy. That’s what makes a successful host. A shame. That’s not really a quality one can afford to cultivate in the business world.

Eddie: …That’s why you brought the symbiotes to Earth isn’t it? Humans disappoint you. You think you’re above them… You’re lonely.

Cletus: …But all you found was more disappointment, didn’t you? The same patterns repeat. Because you never did the work. Never reflected why you do what you do or how you got here. Never tried to change or grow as a person. Because of course you’re already perfect… why would you need to evolve? But now your 'perfect creature’ has rejected you as insignificant and is eating you alive… Well, that’s gotta sting.

Eddie: You thought your symbiote would have no choice but to love you, didn’t you?

Cletus [*grinning*]: No one will ever love you.

Drake [*has clearly struck a nerve*]: …you are right. I only need one of you. And I have no use for your boyfriend when I have my Patient Zero.

Eddie: What? No…

[*Shoots Cletus, the bullet impacts his chest and tips his chair over*]

Eddie: No!

Drake [*looking Eddie over, frowning*]: Where is he?

[*Eddie starts laughing.*]

Drake [*realizing*]: Where’s Venom?!

[*Eddie needs to keep Drake focused on him, keep him distracted… Give Cletus and Carnage the chance to recover…*]

Eddie [*thinking*]: (C'mon buddy, you regrew your whole fucking head. Don’t let a little gunshot bring you down…)

Eddie: You seriously didn’t check first? Some scientist you are! One isn’t a sample size! [*No, no, no don’t look at Cletus, gotta keep his attention on me.*] Even I know that and I’m a journalism major. I learned that in high school science class!

[*Good, Eddie could see Carnage seeping out of the wound but clearly needed to dismantle the nullification collar in order to start healing him. That was gonna get noisy, he had to figure out something to keep Drake distracted.

Drake [*spitting mad*]: Of course I checked! Your blood is full of symbiote matter!

Eddie: Huh…?

[*Venom must have left something behind when he went off to work this morning. Just like when they left something behind when they spawned Carnage…*]

Eddie: Oh shit, we’re pregnant again aren’t we?

[*Shit shouldn’t have said that around the wannabe mad scientist.*]

Drake: Pregnant? Again?

[*Did he just break him?*]

Drake: He abandoned you while you were pregnant?!

Eddie: He didn’t abandon me. He… [*he’s working, but that’s classified and even that sentence would be a bit too revealing*] He just has shit to do.

Drake: Oh sure… I’m sure he’s gone to get a pack of cigarettes, he’ll be back in ten minutes.

[*Eddie knew Flash and Venom were currently helping some Skrull refugees move into their new home in Queens but that was classified and Drake didn’t need to know that*]

Eddie: That sounds like that might be more of your issue, dude. I trust Venom. And he trusts me. I know he’ll come home to me.

Drake: …How touching. A pity you won’t be alive for him to come home to.

Eddie: Really, I thought you needed me?

Drake [clearly at the end of his patience]: Not much longer, I assure you.

Eddie: Well in either case, when he returns, finds out what you did… and he will, he’s gonna find you and he’s gonna eat you.

[*If Carnage doesn’t do it first which seemed increasingly unlikely. C'mon you bloody ooze, you can do it…*]

Drake [*sighs*]: …You understand given my circumstances that’s not exactly a threat to me. If anything that would be a mercy…. but… What did you mean again? This has happened before?! You’ve been pregnant before?!

Eddie: I don’t really see how that’s your goddamn business.

[*On the other hand that was the perfect distraction they needed.]

Drake: You survived, uneaten, not only as a host but incubating it’s offspring, multiple times? Of course it’s my goddamn business! How?

Eddie: …Are you asking me how to have sex or…? Well, you see when a symbiote and their host love each other very much…

[*Drake slaps him, Eddie laughs again too amused to even mind and too relieved seeing more of Carnage break free and that Cletus was still breathing.*]

Eddie: …Well I imagine the normal way one gets pregnant with an alien… You ever see Alien? You should really talk to Riot about it honestly because really that’s between you and him…

Drake [tersly]: We don’t talk anymore.

Eddie: Well then… who says you’re not already a mom too? I’m sure you’ve been with him long enough to be popping them out. Maybe he was laying eggs in you while you were sleeping–

[*They were interrupted by the metallic screech of Carnage’s nullification collar being ripped to shreds*]

Drake: [*making a face journey as he realizes that 1. They tricked him 2. A symbiote had worked out how to get around his nullifier within minutes and 3. Riot was fully capable of learning from that.*]

Carnage: [*Fully restored, letting out a furious roar. Eddie wondered if they’d absorbed a bit of Shriek’s powers when they bonded because the roar shook the warehouse to its foundations*]

Eddie: You may wanna be running, it seems my eldest daughter isn’t too happy with you right now.

[*Drake is slammed from behind by a mass of red tentacles*]

Eddie: Oops, too late. [*To Cletus and Carnage*] Thanks.

Cletus: Eddie, you okay?

Eddie: Yeah? You?

Cletus: Never better. Let us get you out of that thing.

Eddie [teasing]: You don’t think I look good in a collar?

Cletus: Oh you look very fetching but I’m sure your husband would get jealous and I’m not in the mood to get my head bitten off again.

Eddie [*regarding Drake, knocked unconscious on the ground*]: Do you think maybe Teddy or Sadie could–

Cletus: What did I say about feeling sorry for this asshole?

Eddie: I know… I know. It’s just… wouldn’t it be better to know where he is rather than wait for them to regenerate and try this shit again? And even if Riot ate Drake–Riot on his own could be a problem. We should call this in.

Cletus: We need to call Venom and Flash anyway to let them know why we’re running late before they tear New York apart looking for you.

Eddie: They wouldn’t…

Cletus: Eddie… They would. It’s what we would do if the circumstances were reversed, is it not?

Eddie: Shit. Where’s my phone? And we still need to get groceries, what all did we need again?

Cletus: The usual for us–chocolate, milk, eggs… also more soy and coconut milk for Frances. She wants to make cookies.

Eddie: Oh, nice!

Carnage: So, father… what are you going to name my siblings?

Eddie: Huh?

Carnage: You’re carrying twins.

Eddie: Oh right… that happened. I think… I think I need to sit down here for a minute.

Carnage: How about Slayer?

Cletus: [*to Carnage*] You already named your cat Slayer. [*To Eddie*] I’ll call Flash.

Eddie: Thanks. I appreciate it. I really do.

reaperlight:

Baiting The Dragon

[More post Venom 3 Carnage found family au]

[*Eddie wakes up, tied up next to Cletus in a dark warehouse somewhere, trying to mentally retrace how they got here.

That’s right, they were ambushed on the way back from the store.

Aw shit, the groceries….

They were rotting in the street somewhere if they weren’t just incinerated by flamethrower. (Goddammit that was so expensive.)

The flamethrowers!

There was no way he would have survived that without Venom.

Venom?

Where was Venom?

Oh, of course–with Flash. He had work today.

Fuck!

They were supposed to meet them for the trade off at six tonight. (What time was it now?)

One moment they were just walking down the street, enjoying a nice sunny day.

The next the blast of searing heat, burning–

Venom wasn’t here, how had he survived…?

That’s right. Cletus–Cletus pushed him out of the way, He and Carnage took the brunt of it.

Looking over, they still looked to be in a bad way. Were they healing slower than usual?

Eddie’s racing thoughts were interrupted when his eyes focused upon the gloating face of someone he was never expecting to see again…*]

Eddie: Oh come on! You are dead. Dead. Go fuck off and stay dead.

Drake: I’m hurt. Truly. Big journal entry about that tonight.

Cletus: Hey Eddie, who the hell is this dipshit?

Eddie: [*Sees it clearly irked Drake to not be recognized*] Oh just some asshole who screwed up my life. Don’t worry about it.

Cletus: Oh, I see. Well fuck him then.

Drake: Really, Eddie, I should thank you. Once I got my symbiote under control with the suppressor collar… having the world think I’d burned up in the rocket was a convenient way to fake my death and launder my money so I pay even less in taxes. So, thank you for that.

Eddie: …No problem. Uh… That means you’re going to let us go, right?

Drake: Hmm, no… You may have noticed that you’re symbiotes can’t come out to play right now. State of the art symbiote suppressor collars. My own design and I spared no expense. Wasn’t that nice of me? Say thank you.

Eddie [*Can’t let him know he was currently Venom-less because he’d probably just kill him.*] Go to Hell.

Drake: Rude and ungrateful as ever. Long journal entry about it tonight.

Cletus: Gotta say, it’s not really to my taste.

Eddie: I think you look good in it. The collar. If not for the whole suppressor thing. But then you can make anything look good. You can make those eyesore Aloha shirts look good.

Cletus: What’s wrong with my shirts?

Eddie: Nothing. I just said you look good.

Cletus: What I’m getting from this is you want to see me in a collar. Shall we ask our wife on our next trip to Hot Topic?

Drake: You use humor as a coping mechanism to avoid feeling anything. But don’t worry you will feel it by the time we’re done with you.

Cletus: Ah, as they say on them internets, ‘cool beans.’

Eddie: You know you could have just tried Tinder…

Drake: Brock, I did not seek out your company by choice I assure you. I need you.

Eddie: You… need us?

Drake [sighing]: I have a bit of a problem. Whenever I let Riot out he takes a bit more from me.

Eddie: Well, that sounds like a you problem.

Cletus: Yeah, that’s got nothing to do with us.

Drake: Au contraire, but it does. What is it about you? Or evidently your heyseed friend here that allows for a successful symbiosis? I simply must find out. Time is of the essence. What is it about you…? You don’t even understand, do you? The gift you’ve been given.. What an amazing creature you are.

Drake: [*invading Eddie’s personal space*]

Cletus: Hey… you only need one of us right? So let him go.

Eddie [*concerned by Cletus’s yet labored breathing and slow rate of recovery*]: No, Cletus we are not doing this. [*to Drake*] I’m the one you want. Let him go.

Cletus: Eddie, you really don’t wanna see what I’m about to do to this bastard.

[*Eddie realizing that since Carnage is in his blood he could just bite his lip or something and probably get around the suppressor collar thing but no need to let Drake know that.*]

Eddie [*shooting him a knowing look*] What are you gonna do, Cletus? Say mean things to him? Breathe on him hard? You’re in no shape for this.

Cletus [*sharing said look*]: Yeah, well neither are you. Stop being so damn noble and get the hell out of here!

Drake [*Looking over both of them*]: …That’s it, isn’t it?

Cletus: Don’t you dare touch him, you creep!

Drake: [*caressing Eddie’s cheek*]

Cletus [snarling]: …I am going to make you eat your own hands.

Drake: I’m afraid you’re a bit too late for that. Drake [*peeling back “skin” to show he has robot hands*]: Riot left to his own devices would have had all of me by now. Time is of the essence while there’s still anything left of me.

Eddie: Jesus!

Cletus: No Eddie, don’t you dare feel sorry for this asshole.

Eddie: Who says I do? Really, just let me get the world’s smallest violin.

Cletus: …Touch him again and I’ll still make you eat those hands. You’ll get your daily supply of iron.

Drake [*grinning*]: Hmmm… it seems Brock you have a type. You have no shortage violent, protective men and entities clamoring to be your boyfriends, do you?

Cletus: …huh?

Drake: Thats the answer, isn’t it? Extreme empathy. That’s what makes a successful host. A shame. That’s not really a quality one can afford to cultivate in the business world.

Eddie: …That’s why you brought the symbiotes to Earth isn’t it? Humans disappoint you. You think you’re above them… You’re lonely.

Cletus: …But all you found was more disappointment, didn’t you? The same patterns repeat. Because you never did the work. Never reflected why you do what you do or how you got here. Never tried to change or grow as a person. Because of course you’re already perfect… why would you need to evolve? But now your 'perfect creature’ has rejected you as insignificant and is eating you alive… Well, that’s gotta sting.

Eddie: You thought your symbiote would have no choice but to love you, didn’t you?

Cletus [*grinning*]: No one will ever love you.

Drake [*has clearly struck a nerve*]: …you are right. I only need one of you. And I have no use for your boyfriend when I have my Patient Zero.

Eddie: What? No…

[*Shoots Cletus, the bullet impacts his chest and tips his chair over*]

Eddie: No!

Drake [*looking Eddie over, frowning*]: Where is he?

[*Eddie starts laughing.*]

Drake [*realizing*]: Where’s Venom?!

[*Eddie needs to keep Drake focused on him, keep him distracted… Give Cletus and Carnage the chance to recover…*]

Eddie [*thinking*]: (C'mon buddy, you regrew your whole fucking head. Don’t let a little gunshot bring you down…)

Eddie: You seriously didn’t check first? Some scientist you are! One isn’t a sample size! [*No, no, no don’t look at Cletus, gotta keep his attention on me.*] Even I know that and I’m a journalism major. I learned that in high school science class!

[*Good, Eddie could see Carnage seeping out of the wound but clearly needed to dismantle the nullification collar in order to start healing him. That was gonna get noisy, he had to figure out something to keep Drake distracted.

Drake [*spitting mad*]: Of course I checked! Your blood is full of symbiote matter!

Eddie: Huh…?

[*Venom must have left something behind when he went off to work this morning. Just like when they left something behind when they spawned Carnage…*]

Eddie: Oh shit, we’re pregnant again aren’t we?

[*Shit shouldn’t have said that around the wannabe mad scientist.*]

Drake: Pregnant? Again?

[*Did he just break him?*]

Drake: He abandoned you while you were pregnant?!

Eddie: He didn’t abandon me. He… [*he’s working, but that’s classified and even that sentence would be a bit too revealing*] He just has shit to do.

Drake: Oh sure… I’m sure he’s gone to get a pack of cigarettes, he’ll be back in ten minutes.

[*Eddie knew Flash and Venom were currently helping some Skrull refugees move into their new home in Queens but that was classified and Drake didn’t need to know that*]

Eddie: That sounds like that might be more of your issue, dude. I trust Venom. And he trusts me. I know he’ll come home to me.

Drake: …How touching. A pity you won’t be alive for him to come home to.

Eddie: Really, I thought you needed me?

Drake [clearly at the end of his patience]: Not much longer, I assure you.

Eddie: Well in either case, when he returns, finds out what you did… and he will, he’s gonna find you and he’s gonna eat you.

[*If Carnage doesn’t do it first which seemed increasingly unlikely. C'mon you bloody ooze, you can do it…*]

Drake [*sighs*]: …You understand given my circumstances that’s not exactly a threat to me. If anything that would be a mercy…. but… What did you mean again? This has happened before?! You’ve been pregnant before?!

Eddie: I don’t really see how that’s your goddamn business.

[*On the other hand that was the perfect distraction they needed.]

Drake: You survived, uneaten, not only as a host but incubating it’s offspring, multiple times? Of course it’s my goddamn business! How?

Eddie: …Are you asking me how to have sex or…? Well, you see when a symbiote and their host love each other very much…

[*Drake slaps him, Eddie laughs again too amused to even mind and too relieved seeing more of Carnage break free and that Cletus was still breathing.*]

Eddie: …Well I imagine the normal way one gets pregnant with an alien… You ever see Alien? You should really talk to Riot about it honestly because really that’s between you and him…

Drake [tersly]: We don’t talk anymore.

Eddie: Well then… who says you’re not already a mom too? I’m sure you’ve been with him long enough to be popping them out. Maybe he was laying eggs in you while you were sleeping–

[*They were interrupted by the metallic screech of Carnage’s nullification collar being ripped to shreds*]

Drake: [*making a face journey as he realizes that 1. They tricked him 2. A symbiote had worked out how to get around his nullifier within minutes and 3. Riot was fully capable of learning from that.*]

Carnage: [*Fully restored, letting out a furious roar. Eddie wondered if they’d absorbed a bit of Shriek’s powers when they bonded because the roar shook the warehouse to its foundations*]

Eddie: You may wanna be running, it seems my eldest daughter isn’t too happy with you right now.

[*Drake is slammed from behind by a mass of red tentacles*]

Eddie: Oops, too late. [*To Cletus and Carnage*] Thanks.

Cletus: Eddie, you okay?

Eddie: Yeah? You?

Cletus: Never better. Let us get you out of that thing.

Eddie [teasing]: You don’t think I look good in a collar?

Cletus: Oh you look very fetching but I’m sure your husband would get jealous and I’m not in the mood to get my head bitten off again.

Eddie [*regarding Drake, knocked unconscious on the ground*]: Do you think maybe Teddy or Sadie could–

Cletus: What did I say about feeling sorry for this asshole?

Eddie: I know… I know. It’s just… wouldn’t it be better to know where he is rather than wait for them to regenerate and try this shit again? And even if Riot ate Drake–Riot on his own could be a problem. We should call this in.

Cletus: We need to call Venom and Flash anyway to let them know why we’re running late before they tear New York apart looking for you.

Eddie: They wouldn’t…

Cletus: Eddie… They would. It’s what we would do if the circumstances were reversed, is it not?

Eddie: Shit. Where’s my phone? And we still need to get groceries, what all did we need again?

Cletus: The usual for us–chocolate, milk, eggs… also more soy and coconut milk for Frances. She wants to make cookies.

Eddie: Oh, nice!

Carnage: So, father… what are you going to name my siblings?

Eddie: Huh?

Carnage: You’re carrying twins.

Eddie: Oh right… that happened. I think… I think I need to sit down here for a minute.

Carnage: How about Slayer?

Cletus: [*to Carnage*] You already named your cat Slayer. [*To Eddie*] I’ll call Flash.

Eddie: Thanks. I appreciate it. I really do.

reaperlight:

Secrets Laid Bare (Part 1)

[More post Venom 3 with the murder fam Au]

[Tw: suicide mention]

[Eddie rotting depressed in bed.]

Frances: [Meditating and levitating at the foot of the bed.]

Eddie: Woah… like, what are you doing?

Frances: Well, since you asked I’ve been working on getting better control of my powers.

Eddie: You’re being uh… awfully quiet for that… [Glancing at her levitating again] I didn’t know you could fly?

Frances [smirking]: Oh, that’s not the only trick up my sleeve. I’ve found a quirk of my psionic powers is that they respond best to mental anguish. And right now, Brockilicious, you are a feast.

Eddie: Well… I’m glad that you can get off on my suffering, I guess.

Frances: Not “get off,” you’re my battery. By being near you you’re giving me a power boost so I can search further.

Eddie: Search further?

Frances: So I can find what they took from you.

Eddie: Oh! Can you… can you really?

Frances: Yes. Now, please let me concentrate.

Eddie: …Do I need to think sad thoughts or something?

Frances: That would be helpful, yes.

Cletus [clearly jealous]: …you used to do that with me.

Frances: Because you were in constent torment all the time, darling. Since we met again…It isn’t as potent. I think your new powers are dampening it.

Cletus: So what do I need to do?

Frances: You don’t have to do anything. I’ve got all that I need for this right here.

Cletus: But–

Frances: Baby, it’s a good thing that you’re getting better. I am feeding off of Eddie’s anguish because he’s depressed to the point of being suicidal. I do not want you harming yourself.

Cletus: …but, do you still like me?

Frances [exasperated]: …Cletus, I married you.

Cletus: But do you like, like me?

Frances: Baby…

Cletus: My angel, I know… Ever since… ever since my execution. There’s been this dark, dangerous side of me I can’t control and… [lost] I’ve never felt so out of control. I’m afraid I’ll hurt you. I did hurt you.

Frances: And I forgive you. Did you forget who you’re talking to? I know. I understand we can’t control what forms our mutations take–

Eddie: Woah, woah, woah. Wait what? [to Cletus] You didn’t tell her?

Frances [confused]: Tell me what?

Cletus [just as confused]: …tell her what, Eddie?

Eddie: You didn’t tell her about Carnage?

Cletus [annoyed]: Yes, Eddie of course she knows about Carnage. What the hell kind of question is that? You’ve seen me with her with Carnage. That’s one of the first things I did when I found her again. I don’t keep secrets from my wife.

Eddie [pinching the bridge of his nose]: Okay, okay just… back up here. What do you think Carnage is?

Cletus: Huh?

Eddie: Go on, take a wild guess.

Cletus: [*clearly put off-balance by the question*] …I don’t know Eddie. I’m not not scientist. I, we… Frances and I, we just assumed it must have activated some mutation when I drank your blood… Say if you drank my blood would that get you your Venom back?

Eddie [*tempted for a moment at the possibility*]: I… no. It doesnt work that way or rather… it wouldn’t be the same. I do appreciate the offer though. I know you didn’t have to–that was kind of you.

Cletus: [*flashing a genuinely happy black-toothed grin*]

Eddie: So you really don’t know?

Cletus: What am I supposed to know… [annoyed] How am I supposed to know?

Frances: I know that he turns into a sexy red weredragon-octopus monster thing and that he’s my soulmate [*comes down from levitating to sit in his lap, causing that rotten black maw to grin wider*] That’s all I need to know.

Eddie: Carnage, you didn’t tell him?

Carnage: Well, I tried but…

Eddie: But what?

Carnage: His mind wouldn’t accept it at the time. It was easier to go along with it.

Cletus: …what? [To Carnage] You lied to me?

Carnage: I never lied.. you didn’t listen to me and made up your own reality and it became easier to play along. In any case a convenient lie is easier than having to drag you around while you were catatonic and risk you getting arrested again.

Cletus: Eddie, what’s going on? Please, give it to me straight.

Eddie: Okay, before I say anything I need you all to try and stay calm.

Cletus: That’s… not reassuring.

Frances: Is he sick?

Carnage: No I devoured his illness.

Cletus: What?!

Carnage: Have you not noticed less pain in your stomach lately? Since we met?

Cletus: [*the light of understanding, he clearly does know exactly what Carnage is talking about*]

Carnage: Do you not yet understand? I. Protect. You. But that’s a discussion for another time. By all means Eddie, tell them what I am. Maybe he’ll actually listen to you.

Eddie: I uh.. I’m just worried if we need to plug our ears or… or if I’m gonna get skewered for saying it.

Carnage: I will behave if she will.

Frances [glaring]: I will control myself. I’ve gotten better at it.

Eddie: Okay. First of all with Carnage… whatever is going on with Frances, the uh mutant thing? I’m pretty sure that’s not what’s happening here.

Cletus: Oh…

[clearly disappointed not having this in common with his wife]

Eddie: Okay, like… do you know what Venom is?

Frances: Your power. That they stole from you, correct? Because you’re like Cletus?

Eddie: Or rather Cletus is like me, yes. But it’s more than that.

Cletus: That black dragon-octopus thing, right? You looked very cool by the way.

Frances: Yes, very goth.

Eddie: I… Thanks. I’ll… if… if I see him again, I’ll be sure to let him know.

Frances: …Him?

Cletus [clearly dejected]: I assumed it was either a mutation or… or demonic possession. It’s the latter isn’t it?

Eddie: No, but uh, you’re on the right track. It’s a symbiote. An alien that needs a host to live–

Frances: You’re an alien?

Cletus [nervously]: Like E.T. phone home?

Eddie: …Yes.

Cletus: Seriously, little green men?

Frances: But not little… or green.

Cletus [chuckling]: Explains why I never felt like I belonged on this planet.

Frances: You’re just like Superman!

Eddie: No, uh not like Superman.

Frances [Hugging her husband]: Well he’s my Superman.

Cletus: Oh.

[Eddie paused in the telling as they were clearly distracted by their makeout session. Frances was probably getting a big boost from him now as he was missing Venom dearly at the moment*]

[*Carnage cleared their throat*]

Cletus: Sorry, Eddie. You were saying?

Eddie: Well uh you’re a human actually. Well as far as I known. Unless there’s something about your family I don’t know–

Cletus: Well they’re assholes but I’m guessing that’s irrelevant to the current discussion. So like what do you mean then by… alien?

Eddie: I mean you have an alien living inside you.

Cletus [throat dry]: So like… I’ve been body-snatched?

Frances [horrified]: Chest-buster?

Cletus: It laid its eggs in me?

Eddie: Uh… kinda, No. I don’t know if eggs are involved but… uh, yes. It came from Venom somehow? Spawned, split off? I don’t know. But like… it’s not exactly body snatched. At least it wasn’t for Venom and me. When it goes right. It’s living together, with another person in your body. A weirdly shaped person but a person. Bonds are about compromise, it’s a…  relationship. It’s…

Eddie [realizing for the first time]: It’s like marriage.

Eddie [gasping]: Venom is my husband.

Frances: Your husband? So then Carnage…

Cletus [panicked]: It’s not like that. Baby, I swear, it’s not like that!

Carnage [annoyed, grabbing Cletus possessively with big red claws]: Yes, I’m just a third wheel, apparently.

Frances: …If you’ll excuse me.

Cletus: Baby, no.

Frances: Gotta go, shriek coming on. And think I got enough misery for now.

reaperlight:

Secrets Laid Bare (Part 1)

[More post Venom 3 with the murder fam Au]

[Tw: suicide mention]

[Eddie rotting depressed in bed.]

Frances: [Meditating and levitating at the foot of the bed.]

Eddie: Woah… like, what are you doing?

Frances: Well, since you asked I’ve been working on getting better control of my powers.

Eddie: You’re being uh… awfully quiet for that… [Glancing at her levitating again] I didn’t know you could fly?

Frances [smirking]: Oh, that’s not the only trick up my sleeve. I’ve found a quirk of my psionic powers is that they respond best to mental anguish. And right now, Brockilicious, you are a feast.

Eddie: Well… I’m glad that you can get off on my suffering, I guess.

Frances: Not “get off,” you’re my battery. By being near you you’re giving me a power boost so I can search further.

Eddie: Search further?

Frances: So I can find what they took from you.

Eddie: Oh! Can you… can you really?

Frances: Yes. Now, please let me concentrate.

Eddie: …Do I need to think sad thoughts or something?

Frances: That would be helpful, yes.

Cletus [clearly jealous]: …you used to do that with me.

Frances: Because you were in constent torment all the time, darling. Since we met again…It isn’t as potent. I think your new powers are dampening it.

Cletus: So what do I need to do?

Frances: You don’t have to do anything. I’ve got all that I need for this right here.

Cletus: But–

Frances: Baby, it’s a good thing that you’re getting better. I am feeding off of Eddie’s anguish because he’s depressed to the point of being suicidal. I do not want you harming yourself.

Cletus: …but, do you still like me?

Frances [exasperated]: …Cletus, I married you.

Cletus: But do you like, like me?

Frances: Baby…

Cletus: My angel, I know… Ever since… ever since my execution. There’s been this dark, dangerous side of me I can’t control and… [lost] I’ve never felt so out of control. I’m afraid I’ll hurt you. I did hurt you.

Frances: And I forgive you. Did you forget who you’re talking to? I know. I understand we can’t control what forms our mutations take–

Eddie: Woah, woah, woah. Wait what? [to Cletus] You didn’t tell her?

Frances [confused]: Tell me what?

Cletus [just as confused]: …tell her what, Eddie?

Eddie: You didn’t tell her about Carnage?

Cletus [annoyed]: Yes, Eddie of course she knows about Carnage. What the hell kind of question is that? You’ve seen me with her with Carnage. That’s one of the first things I did when I found her again. I don’t keep secrets from my wife.

Eddie [pinching the bridge of his nose]: Okay, okay just… back up here. What do you think Carnage is?

Cletus: Huh?

Eddie: Go on, take a wild guess.

Cletus: [*clearly put off-balance by the question*] …I don’t know Eddie. I’m not not scientist. I, we… Frances and I, we just assumed it must have activated some mutation when I drank your blood… Say if you drank my blood would that get you your Venom back?

Eddie [*tempted for a moment at the possibility*]: I… no. It doesnt work that way or rather… it wouldn’t be the same. I do appreciate the offer though. I know you didn’t have to–that was kind of you.

Cletus: [*flashing a genuinely happy black-toothed grin*]

Eddie: So you really don’t know?

Cletus: What am I supposed to know… [annoyed] How am I supposed to know?

Frances: I know that he turns into a sexy red weredragon-octopus monster thing and that he’s my soulmate [*comes down from levitating to sit in his lap, causing that rotten black maw to grin wider*] That’s all I need to know.

Eddie: Carnage, you didn’t tell him?

Carnage: Well, I tried but…

Eddie: But what?

Carnage: His mind wouldn’t accept it at the time. It was easier to go along with it.

Cletus: …what? [To Carnage] You lied to me?

Carnage: I never lied.. you didn’t listen to me and made up your own reality and it became easier to play along. In any case a convenient lie is easier than having to drag you around while you were catatonic and risk you getting arrested again.

Cletus: Eddie, what’s going on? Please, give it to me straight.

Eddie: Okay, before I say anything I need you all to try and stay calm.

Cletus: That’s… not reassuring.

Frances: Is he sick?

Carnage: No I devoured his illness.

Cletus: What?!

Carnage: Have you not noticed less pain in your stomach lately? Since we met?

Cletus: [*the light of understanding, he clearly does know exactly what Carnage is talking about*]

Carnage: Do you not yet understand? I. Protect. You. But that’s a discussion for another time. By all means Eddie, tell them what I am. Maybe he’ll actually listen to you.

Eddie: I uh.. I’m just worried if we need to plug our ears or… or if I’m gonna get skewered for saying it.

Carnage: I will behave if she will.

Frances [glaring]: I will control myself. I’ve gotten better at it.

Eddie: Okay. First of all with Carnage… whatever is going on with Frances, the uh mutant thing? I’m pretty sure that’s not what’s happening here.

Cletus: Oh…

[clearly disappointed not having this in common with his wife]

Eddie: Okay, like… do you know what Venom is?

Frances: Your power. That they stole from you, correct? Because you’re like Cletus?

Eddie: Or rather Cletus is like me, yes. But it’s more than that.

Cletus: That black dragon-octopus thing, right? You looked very cool by the way.

Frances: Yes, very goth.

Eddie: I… Thanks. I’ll… if… if I see him again, I’ll be sure to let him know.

Frances: …Him?

Cletus [clearly dejected]: I assumed it was either a mutation or… or demonic possession. It’s the latter isn’t it?

Eddie: No, but uh, you’re on the right track. It’s a symbiote. An alien that needs a host to live–

Frances: You’re an alien?

Cletus [nervously]: Like E.T. phone home?

Eddie: …Yes.

Cletus: Seriously, little green men?

Frances: But not little… or green.

Cletus [chuckling]: Explains why I never felt like I belonged on this planet.

Frances: You’re just like Superman!

Eddie: No, uh not like Superman.

Frances [Hugging her husband]: Well he’s my Superman.

Cletus: Oh.

[Eddie paused in the telling as they were clearly distracted by their makeout session. Frances was probably getting a big boost from him now as he was missing Venom dearly at the moment*]

[*Carnage cleared their throat*]

Cletus: Sorry, Eddie. You were saying?

Eddie: Well uh you’re a human actually. Well as far as I known. Unless there’s something about your family I don’t know–

Cletus: Well they’re assholes but I’m guessing that’s irrelevant to the current discussion. So like what do you mean then by… alien?

Eddie: I mean you have an alien living inside you.

Cletus [throat dry]: So like… I’ve been body-snatched?

Frances [horrified]: Chest-buster?

Cletus: It laid its eggs in me?

Eddie: Uh… kinda, No. I don’t know if eggs are involved but… uh, yes. It came from Venom somehow? Spawned, split off? I don’t know. But like… it’s not exactly body snatched. At least it wasn’t for Venom and me. When it goes right. It’s living together, with another person in your body. A weirdly shaped person but a person. Bonds are about compromise, it’s a…  relationship. It’s…

Eddie [realizing for the first time]: It’s like marriage.

Eddie [gasping]: Venom is my husband.

Frances: Your husband? So then Carnage…

Cletus [panicked]: It’s not like that. Baby, I swear, it’s not like that!

Carnage [annoyed, grabbing Cletus possessively with big red claws ] Yes, I’m just a third wheel, apparently.

Frances: …If you’ll excuse me.

Cletus: Baby, no.

Frances: Gotta go, shriek coming on. And think I got enough misery for now.