The Duality of Holiday Memories
Holiday photos. I have a love/hate relationship with them, especially as someone who prefers being behind the camera rather than in front. My family (plus extended) and I used to have an annual tradition of getting our photos taken1 during one of my parents’ holiday parties. Over the years, these photos have meant so much more to me. They’re no longer just images. They’ve become a reminder of moments spent with loved ones- moments that I naively thought would continue through the years, rather than abruptly end before I was ready.
There are a lot of photo apps that have an “On This Day” feature, or something similar. As someone who loves to document and reminisce, I love this feature. It prompts me to revisit moments from five, seven, or even just a few years ago. It’s like going back in time, reliving events when everything felt just right and everyone I love (for the most part) was still present. It’s become a double-edged sword though. These trips down memory lane have also started reminding me of the gradual absence of loved ones from my life.
A few days ago, I came across a photo from a Christmas party at my parents’ house from over seven years ago. It was a picture of my parents with two of my aunts. Looking at it now, beyond the smiles and laughter initiated by a joke made behind the camera, I can’t help but feel the weight of loss. One of those aunts passed away this year, and the other has been gone for more than five years.
Although these holiday photos do a great job freezing happy moments in time, they have also started becoming poignant reminders of those I’ve lost. It’s become a nudge for me to remember that behind the festive smiles are stories of life lived and loved, but also of life lost. To me, it’s that duality of memory that absolutely breaks my heart. It’s that memory of happiness intertwined with sorrow that, on some days, I just cannot get over.
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Enia T: this is lovely and so poignant. I find that whenever someone passes away, inevitably someone gets out a box of old photos, so we can reminisce about their lives. what I’m saying is… , we need to pose for and print more pictures to be remembered by.
Gobino: what a nice piece.
What I took from a recent funeral is that we need to take more pictures!
Although it may hurt to see them, it provides a memory of those that passed away and the great time you might have had together. Without them you only have memories that unfortunately fade over time.
As a result, I'm taking more photos of daily live and frame myself in them with a selfie or via a tripod. To provide memories to those who care.
Alexandra W: I can so emote with your post and that duality of those past memories forever enshrined in celluloid (or these days, digitally).
That double edged sword, as you say, of moment of happiness tinged with a momentary sadness as people pass from our lives and the land of the living, to memories.
David - Forking Mad: I've wandered through life avoiding photos of people, or me! I love a nice landscape, or a tree. As I've grown wiser I realise that in my dottage I will be missing the photos that will jog my memory.
Dominik: I only got around to reading the post now, but this was beautifully written!
Over the years, I've learned to really treasure the random snapshots of loved ones (and myself). They are my favorites when they pop up in the photos widget on my iPhone or in my diary app.
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Different versions of photos: immediate family, the cousins, the aunts, the uncles, etc.↩