☘️ juni-personal ☘️

wk_12; half-formed thoughts

i've fallen into a paralysing habit of jotting down, sitting on and ultimately hoarding a series of my past thoughts.

thoughts that bubble to the surface and gnaw at my consciousness, mostly when i'm out and about, that i mentally promise myself I'll "get back to exploring fully, properly... later."

yet when i finally muster the strength to open my note-taking app with the intent of doing some writing (moments which in and of themselves have become far and fewer in between)... i'm faced with the weight and enormity of these thoughts.

"i can't possibly do these justice now."

"i'm too out of sorts to tackle this."

"where would i even start?"

yes, these are heavy topics. but i've found the ability to afford myself the grace to fail – that is, to take the outstretched hand of my mind as it explores the winding and inherently, delightfully human process when engaging with such thoughts – has been nearly impossible. for a long while now.

i'm not quite sure how I can move to rectify this. but i think at the very least, i want to make more of an effort to fail in public. to encourage experimentation, expose myself to failure, and realise that it's not as scary or as damning as my mind makes it out to be.

and then perhaps after which, i can finally allow my mind the space to breathe once more.

~ juni.

this week's "curated collection":

(now with 50% more categorisation ! ! !)

| 🌟🎶 Musical Pick(s) of the Week! 🎶🌟 |

taking back curation from algorithms: one human recommendation at a time.

( ) - Album • 2002 [8 songs • 1 hour, 11 minutes]

indieweb/oldweb

video essays

quotes:

The choice is ultimately yours, but know this. Nobody regrets leaving social media. Nobody on their deathbed wishes they spent more time online. There will be people who will cry and gasp for air, lamenting all the time they spent in a simulation of trifles. In place of fond memories, will be an impression of the white rectangle, indiscernable lines and blobs floating up, imposed in every fold of their brain. Like they spent their lives on the highway, looking down at the road when the rolling hills and ancient trees are right out the window.

The problem is that when you are low-energy and constantly in fight-or-flight, you lose the ability to prioritize correctly, as everything feels equally important and urgent. As such, there is lots of decision fatigue, and more often than not, you'll start one task while thinking you should do the other and repeat; or you lie down due to feeling dizzy and tired from the internal pressure, and end up doing nothing significant at all. It prevents you from dedicating your all to one task for even 1-2 hours, as you keep questioning your choice and feel guilty no matter what.

I made the mistake of not having a weekly plan, not even a loose "Friday's the main study day!" or something, just going with the flow always. You'd think that this would permit a very flexible and relaxed attitude to all the things I wanna do that takes my fluctuating energy levels and health into account, but now I know that it just leads to me completely underestimating how much I do in a week while thinking nothing gets done.

Not having scheduled things for specific days meant that at every free moment, I had about 10 things in my mind that I should be doing, while being unable to choose. I couldn't go "No worries, that's safely scheduled for the other day", no reminder in the schedule that I had already spent x hours on a thing already that week.

I just cannot get by long-term with using supposed downtime to do things I consider a bit easier, but that still are productive, a chore, or need my attention. I need to do nothing, because otherwise, my brain never gets proper downtime and it affects the quality of sleep, or the ability to fall asleep.

Change happens when you can't stay the same anymore. When something breaks. When life forces you to adapt. Or when you've been building something for so long, and you look up and realise that you're not who you used to be. Or want to be.

If something once brought you joy, there was a reason. Maybe that reason still exists beneath everything new you’ve taken on. I’ve found a quiet satisfaction in rediscovering the things I left behind, and even if I move on once again, the return itself has value. Sometimes the best part is simply remembering that you’re allowed to pick things back up whenever you want. :]

By refusing to ever let yourself rest, you are choosing to watch other people's lives through a screen, at the expense of your own.

Because if you don't take the responsibility to shape your own mind, there are plenty of organisations, corporations and institutions that will happily do it for you.

Our biggest problem is the lack of discernment, in the face of too much of it.

... And the increasingly learned helplessness, or willingness, to do anything in the face of it.

The epidemic of anxiety, depression and purposeless afflicting young people in the twenty-first century is often linked to the isolation and negative social comparison fostered by smartphones. It is also a direct product of the pointlessness, fragmentation and triviality of the culture of the screen which is wholly unequipped to speak to the deep human needs for curiosity, narrative, deep attention and artistic fulfilment.

Without the array of logic-defeating appeals available to podcasters and YouTubers, authors are much more reliant on reason alone, condemned to painfully piece their arguments together sentence by sentence (I feel that agony now). Books are far from perfect but they are much more closely bound to the imperatives of logical argument than any other means of human communication ever devised.

I tell my students that writing — in the classroom, in your journal, in a memo at work — is a way of bringing order to our thinking or of breaking apart that order as we challenge our ideas. We look at the evidence around us. We consider ideas we disagree with. And we try to bring a shape to it all. If the end point rather than the process were indeed all that mattered, then there might be good reason to turn to GPT-3. But if, as I believe is the case, we write to make sense of the world, then the risks of turning that process over to AI are much greater.

Greatness takes guts. And often, it's the courage to eliminate the things you can do fairly well so you have the capacity to do one thing exceptionally well. Have the courage to take more off your plate.

You're never going to look back on a missed calorie with fondness. But you will look back on missed experiences, memories and relationships with regret.

The blog laid dormant for many years, before I decided to bring it back to life in late 2023. Like so many others, I had become disillusioned by the state of the big social platforms. Withdrawing from those, breathing life into my blog again as a place to express, collect and share whatever interested me seemed an obvious move. Nowadays, I think of my website as not just a blog, but an online home. My personal space to do whatever I want. And a place to experiment and tinker with tech. ... [[A.N] - I want to become less scared of doing this, myself. Less terrified of breaking something, and to have the whole thing come crashing down around me like a house of cards, shattered remains of what I had once achieved and glaring shards of my underlying incompetence. I think this is largely a mindset change that needs to occur, and one which will only flow on naturally from doing more of the thing and exposing myself to such moments of vulnerability, moments of failure. Perhaps... more failing in public? [~ juni] ... ] You know, like we used to do back when tech was exciting and spoke to a world full of possibilities as opposed the dystopian timeline we stumbled upon as we ceded our lives to a handful of algorithms. Turns out that part is mostly optional, even today.

...

Putting my thoughts to the sword by writing them down, examine if they make sense, sometimes feels like pulling the curtains and letting the light in. It helps me discard that which doesn't make sense. Which is to say most of it. I can then spend my energy on that which does make sense. Of course, what I'm thinking about is, to a large extent, determined by input. That would be the "content" I consume. And that's why I had to step back from social media. The hot-takes and constant negativity and never-ending dread made me depressed. Now I try to control my inputs to a great extent. Avoiding the 24 hour news cycle and social media. I don't really watch TV either. Instead, I read books and listen to audiobooks and long-form podcasts, for education and entertainment. Inspiration to write comes from these sources, but also my daily life — particularly my children. They never cease to amaze me and they frequently force me to challenge my own assumptions and perspectives, letting me (hopefully) grow with them. To the extent that I've written anything worth reading, it was probably inspired by my children.

...

Q: Do you have an ideal creative environment? Also do you believe the physical space influences your creativity? Lars: That's easy. The sun is about to come up. I'm sat at the kitchen table and through the window I see world come back to life. I'm sat at the kitchen table. My laptop in front of me, a cup of coffee on the side. The rest of the house is still asleep. No matter how sleepy I might be, I can access something in these moments that is locked off and unavailable at all other times. Creativity never comes more naturally to me.

Unfortunately, life often gets in the way and too often I only find myself with time to spare for writing in the evenings. At night, I'll be tired and groggy and anything that requires effort feels like a tall ask.

Surroundings definitely influence my creativity and ability to get work done. Concentration is hard to come by in an untidy environment. Usually, I start any work session by tidying up the room around me. Some people excel in chaotic surroundings. Me, I'm at my best, creatively and productively, in quiet, comfortable and familiar settings.

Action and argument together form an experiment. And nothing but constant experimentation will get us where we need to be. The system that contains us is not threatened by what we think of it. It is threatened by what we do about it. And the time for doing is always now.

tech-stuff

Only 4 of the 9 pigeons make it to the destination. 55% packet loss. Two of the birds, instead of flying home, veer off to join a neighbour's flock. A routing error that adds an hour of delay. At the receiver loft, handlers forget to close the cage, and several pigeons fly back before reply packets can be reattached. Then, during one flight, a pigeon smacks straight into a glass window. Each mishap mirrors a real type of network failure. Routing loops, congestion, and broken links. 1 hour and 40 minutes for a single ping. IP-over-Avian-Carrier.

React2Shell CVE-2025-55182:

Jellyfin on Samsung TV app

As simple as:

  1. Install docker/docker desktop & start engine
  2. If on an ARM/M1 Mac, verify you have qemu installed with docker run --rm --platform linux/amd64 alpine uname -m (desired output of x86_64)
  3. Find the IP of Samsung TV (after enabling developer mode & setting the host IP to connect to as your laptop's IP), ensure you can ping it from your laptop, and then transfer the file with docker run --rm --platform linux/amd64 ghcr.io/georift/install-jellyfin-tizen <SAMSUNG-TV-IP> (only need --platform linux/amd64 if you're on ARM/M1 Mac)

How to make technical studying addictive

this post was last edited 6 months, 1 week ago.

|

Reply via email here ~ ! (◕‿◕)

...& if you so choose, leave a little piece of your existence here in my guestbook!
← proudly an indieWeb webring ~ ! 🕸💍 →

#lucid-thoughts #weekly