☘️ juni-personal ☘️

wk_03/04; running late, calendar empty

ps: i hope y'all enjoy the new blog styling tweaks as much as i enjoyed wrestling with making them! <33

whew. this week(s)'s entry, much like myself, is running more than a little late.

in fact, the particularly astute amongst you may notice that we've actually landed a week in the future–and the entry name has been updated to reflect such a leap.

however, i don't particularly feel like i've... missed a weekly entry, per se. the large majority of this draft was conceived, and has been written over the course of the last week. with a few final, loving touches added over this one.

but, regardless of this entry's lineage and anatomical structure: it's my blog and only my own self-imposed regulations that might bind me, so for this to be the only important deadline i missed over the past two weeks... i can more than live with that.

it's been... busy, in at least some senses of the word. but in others, strangely quiet. i've been noticing lately that i've taken to spending increasing amounts of time alone, save for "coffee catch-ups" that double as both meals and reasons to get in my daily walk(s) & "outside" time. both of which i've also found have become daily pre-requisites to and anchors for my very sanity.

it scares me a little, yet comforts a lot. perhaps... too much.

anyway.

i was listening to a video recently (let's be real: when am i not), in which the author shared the following sentiment that made my mind pause for a few moments, frozen in silent agreement and realisation:

A full life isn't the same thing as a full calendar. Life isn't always all about packing in as much as possible. It's about the quality of our experiences, too.

Know that it's okay to feel the pressure. It comes from caring. From being aware that time is finite. But sometimes, the most life affirming thing you can do is not give into it. Recognise the tension, and then let it go. Because when you trust that any type of day is enough, that you are enough, even in stillness, you start to build a relationship with time that's based not on scarcity, but on trust.

You realise that you don't always have to chase meaning, but let it land. And often, when you let it, it lands where you least expect it. Somewhere between the second cup of coffee, and the sun warning your skin.

when i've shared my calendar with others in the past, it's rare to not be met with some form of exclamation, a gasp of disbelief at "gosh, how busy you are!" or "how do you manage such a packed schedule?" or "that scares me to look at, put it away!"

my calendar for wk_04, in comparison, would seem like a breath of fresh air, for all of those people. a wind tunnel, even. but for me, the stretches of black abyss, emptiness, and the mythical and ever-intimidating promise of "free time" is a beast both enticing and mortifying in near-equal measure.

sure, i've danced with, through, around and against it before. yet it never fails to send chills down my spine each time i face it. chills of my own making. chills that paralyse, rack my slowly-weakening body with guilt that saps the little strength i can muster from my bones and mind alike.

chills that send me rushing back to the spirals of routine, "self-regulation", my own... special kind of punishment.

i do not wish to be conquered by this beast. yet the answer is not, and cannot be "keeping busy".

i cannot dance endlessly around a dragon born of my own flesh, blood and swirling mind.

the only way that it can be lulled to sleep, is by curling up with it.

~ juni.

"Yes it is nice to be able to access entertainment so easily. But... does one need to smell flowers more efficiently, more quickly? What would I gain if my phone could produce the smell of the rose without me visiting a garden - would it feel the same?"

"The act of making something will force you to learn more deeply than reading ever will."

"We often think that we want an open road and the ability to choose any direction for ourselves. But sometimes, what we need is a tunnel that can reduce our choices and send us in a focused direction."

Staying small also meant eschewing the production practices commonplace at many game-development studios.

“What is Jira?” Gibson said when I asked if they used the task-management application.

“Is it a software?” Pellen said, adding that they’d briefly used Trello before their account was deactivated because they didn’t use it enough.

a bonus (shallow)dive!

HTTP Pipelining vs Smuggling

What is HTTP Connection Reuse?

Under the hood, HTTP/1.1 reuses connections by concatenating requests and responses on the underlying TCP/TLS socket. Here's an example:

POST / HTTP/1.1
Host: hackxor.net
Connection: keep-alive
Content-Length: 5

12345GET /robots.txt
HTTP/1.1
Host: hackxor.net

Pipelining is a sub-type of connection reuse where the client sends all their requests in one go and relies on the responses coming back in the correct order.

HTTP Request Smuggling

Security vulnerability due to inconsistent parsing of requests by front-end and back-end servers (like proxy vs origin), allowing attackers to bypass security control/hijack sessions/poison caches.

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#lucid-thoughts #weekly