16/memory_leak
i feel like every little process, thing, task i’ve approached today has amounted to nothing, or even pushed me backwards in some cases. i have struggled to get out even a single cohesive sentence onto this page, and am only continuing to push through and write down word after word because i promised someone that i care about deeply that i would. it isn’t much, but they are words on a page. and if that’s all that i have the capacity to produce now, then i’ve achieved that. and i’m going to take a deep breath, and breathe in, and out. i’m going to try and be kind to myself, even in this compromised state. a state where nearly all of my system’s resources are caught up in a gridlock, whirring and gnashing against one another as they all desperately try to start, finish and continue their respective tasks. i’m going to be kind to that human, that beautiful bean that does amount to more than just a system, because everyone deserves at least that. i need to challenge and show my future self that these entries don’t necessarily need polish, they need to be from the heart. even when all that the heart has the strength to do in the moment is utter a little cry, a cheep, for help, and nest within the warm fur of another.
reboot now
~ juni
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