_044: the winds of writing
wow, i do really apologise for how quote-heavy my entries have been getting lately. i've just got into the habit of, whenever I'm walking to work and listening to something or another, stopping randomly to commit any particularly striking (to me, at least) utterances that grace my earholes to paper.
i have a number of things that have crossed my mind, today. and not enough time, or energy, at present to go into them. however, i'm letting the winds of my writing carry me tonight, perhaps in the spirit of Odysseus that has possessed me during the latter half of today.
i've enjoyed the process of writing each day over the last few weeks. even though it has been a time sink at times, i end every entry feeling a smidge closer to myself, a touch more in step with my thoughts. and even though it's left me with less time for "other things", i've at least been able to spend time on something consistent, progressive and in line with my values. something that reflects a direction that i want to follow in life.
i strongly suspect that if i wasn't writing, this "time for other things" would eventuate in the form of mindless procrastination until i slept, teetering precariously on the edge of starting something i truly enjoy and the fear of starting something.
so, tonight, i thank you for accompanying me in this journey to put thoughts to paper, and to redirect the words back to my mind.
i hope to grow alongside you all.
have a beautiful night <3
~ juni
links for 25/03/25:
she only made what she saw inside of herself, and for herself. understanding that art is really going to war with oneself, and winning even in the losses.
Art is not for fixing yourself. it is for showing others that you are broken so they might feel less alone. There's no point making beauty in paradise; everyone can do it, and no one has anything to say. You cannot cheat your struggle, you must live through it, then the wisdom will come to you. Inspiration is not your problem. You are your problem, and should be. You are your art. And that's the whole point.
"I lost someone, and I've found it very difficult to be myself ever since." Then she replied. "Love isn't just made of the moments that worked, you know. It's the missing that person when they're gone, as well. It's the hole that only they could occupy, and knowing that they could never occupy it again. But at least that absence is something we can keep. The evenings spent missing them are just as much love as the mornings you spent together. You took out a great lone from the universe. And grief is the debt that love incurs."
"Why, however much we change ourselves, can we not find contentment in the world?" "Because the world cannot be controlled, only endured, and enjoyed. There are years to dance, and there are years to weep."
"Why does losing people hurt so much? How do we survive it?" And the moon replied. "By not pretending that everything is fine. One must welcome the sadness in, make it tea, and it will leave on its own accord, your friend."
"And how do we keep going when we lose the ability to do the one thing we enjoy?" And the moon said. "By realising that you are not a doing, you area being. When you know that you are not your labour, then you will never need to work again."
"Is there any amount of intelligence that will finally give life sense?" "None" the moon said. "Cleverness can build a house, but it cannot make you happy to live in it. That which is good in life, we locate with our madness and love, not with our rationality. The final truth is that there is no final truth."
I need to wake up. You need to wake up. The world will never stop being cruel. It will never be welcoming enough for you. Kick, scratch and fight your way out of the escapist habits your brain has created. Habits that once formed to protect you from the world, but are now protecting you from life*.
Reality, even if sometimes lackluster on the surface, will always be better than those dreams. Getting to hear "I love you" from your lover's lips, laughing with your friends, decorating the spaces you have with trinkets you enjoy - all of those things are superior to the dream world, because they actually exist. because they can affect you. even if you and your partner fight sometimes, your friends don't always have time for you, and your home is a dingy and unglamorous apartment - it's all superior, because it's yours*, and it's there. it may be less exciting, less vibrant and warm than what's promised by Dreamcore. But it will be real.
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