_017: ticks and leeches
soundtrack:
(come on, I had to include it)
i have given myself exactly the length of the above song to write this entry. as such, it will be transmitted to you on a frequency that is slightly adjacent to which you're used to tuning into.
i do hope you can understand, dear reader(s).
this is a brief entry about vindication. this is about letting go of people who no longer care, who no longer serve you, whose teeth - whilst sunk deep within your skin - suck near incessantly at the life and blood that flows within and constitutes you.
but you know that you only have so much blood to let before you give out. and it would be a damned shame if you let them have even a drop more of it. to let them continue to bleed you dry whilst your other wounds lie open, festering, exposed to the world; leaking your precious life force that is already in short supply.
ticks, leeches - whatever they are. yes, it will hurt. yes, it will bleed before it heals. and yes, that will take time.
but you have to rip them out. pry every rotten tooth from your skin, and return the damned thing to sender. no matter what it takes - we cannot truly live for and love as ourselves, if all of it goes to sustaining the life force of others.
reclaim the only entity in this world that you can truly call your own - your body, mind and soul.
no one is entitled to it other than you. and those who truly care for it will see that, and fight with you tooth and nail to reclaim what is rightfully yours. ours. as fellow human beans.
links for 26/02/25:
- TIL: what flatpak apps are, and the magical flathub!
- the "oh god i want to re-architecture my NAS again" bible of a site/rabbit hole
- love what you think are your weaknesses (meadow)
"For example, I've always envied those who can keep a crowd's attention and awe with just their voice. I'm unable to do this. Sometimes I can be very outgoing, but most of the time I do suffer from social anxiety which keeps me back from exploding as my real self. However, this has also given me the space to observe more deeply how people feel and what they do. I think that because of this I've developed a pretty good ability at judging emotions and motivations. I guess I envy extroverts because it's something I feel is desirable (maybe a cultural influence), but the truth is that I really do love this part of myself. I should embody it more, bring it in more, and even leverage the alternative forces it provides rather than trying to become something that has never really felt natural. Be grateful rather than ashamed."
- tech independence (derek sivers)
- a relationship that ended, not failed (derek sivers)
- setting work boundaries with myself (tala)
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