i cannot even begin to describe how load bearing this video has been for my mental health lately. thank you macho man randy savage. i'll get over it but not really
like i don't think people understand. it's affirming. it genuinely is. whatever you're dealing with or whatever you went through may not ever really go away. but you can manage it. you can survive it. you can live anyway. you'll get over it but not really. you'll be back. the emotion and the burning desire that you have inside you right now wiyull☝️ continyeough
“Kids shouldn’t have to know about that.”
Okay so actually letting a serious topic be vague and confusing is much more scary for a child than explaining it in calm language they can understand.
When you are in a safe place, explain the serious topic in a way the child can understand.
- The fire alarm went off at school today because of a mistake, but your teachers did the right thing to take you outside to be sure it was safe.
- Some people use wheelchairs because their legs don’t walk very well. It can happen because they are old and tired, or because they got hurt, or because they were born that way.
- Your Uncle Jerod talked to mom and dad, and wants you to call her Aunt Kari now. We will call her Kari too, and we can all practice together if it takes some getting used to.
Anticipate age-appropriate fears the child might have so you can assuage those that are not a threat.
- Yes, Kitty died at the vet, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not safe for Puppy to go to the vet.
- Yes, Peyton and Jo are getting a divorce, but they are both still part of our family and love you very much.
- Yes, Grandma has cancer, but cancer is not contagious, so you are not going to get cancer by visiting her.
Anticipate fears that are realistic, and give the child clear direction about what to do, and what happens next.
- If someone asks you to get in their car without permission, find Mom, Mama, or a teacher and tell them right away. We will make sure you are safe.
- If Sparky’s sickness makes him hurt very badly, we are going to take him to the vet and she will give him some medicine, and he will die, but then he won’t hurt any more. Because Sparky is very sick, we are going to spend some special time with him over the next few days.
- If the fire alarm goes off at school again, follow the teacher’s directions. If the fire alarm goes off and you are somewhere alone, go outside, and ask a grownup to call 911.
Reassure the child that they’re safe and loved, validate their feelings, and see if they have follow-up questions. Give them the option to take space to process, or to stay near you to feel safe.
- I’m sad about Sparky too. Do you think we could make his favorite peanut-butter treats, while we are spending special time with him?
- I understand why Grandma’s cancer makes you feel angry. It doesn’t seem fair that people we love get sick. Would you like a hug?
- You were worried about calling 911 if there’s not a grownup around. I wrote down some important things, like our address, and we can go over these together so you are ready if anything like that ever happens.
These things are principally the job of the child’s parent or guardian, but in some cases directing the child to that caregiver is difficult or impossible (parent refuses/confuses the child, parent is absent, child’s questions are specific and relevant to a situation their parent was not present for, etc.) so I think all adults should be prepared to have these conversations with kids.
Gillian Anderson being an agent of chaos while filming The X-Files | bloopers/behind-the-scenes compilation
EDWARD SCISSORHANDS
1990 | dir. Tim Burton
Anonymous asked:
Something that I haven't seen emphasized yet in the beta discussion is that at least in my experience, betas are generally giving suggestions rather than saying that something must be changed. If I'm saying "I don't think this line makes sense" I'm not saying it has to be changed, just that it's confusing to me, and maybe to others, but that you are in no way required to change it if it's a stylistic choice, or you just like it like that. If I suggest a different word choice, you're always free to ignore me. There's also a chance that I'm wrong! I'm human, you're human, we can make mistakes. Some of my suggestions are also personal opinion on how to say something, but in english there's usually no singular way to represent something!
I spent some time as copy editor for a newspaper before I moved up to senior board, but I still do a lot of copy work for it as we don't have a copy editor currently (copy is what we call the editing process of our articles, so similar to proofreading as a beta). We work in google docs and as we edit articles, we always use the suggestion mode to make sure we aren't making changes unilaterally that wouldn't be noticed, and that could be wrong. After two rounds of editing (one for grammar and one for fact-checking, although the latter is probably more relevant to newspaper than fic), the author of the article could go through the comments and decide if they agreed that they used one word too much or a paragraph should be moved to make a line flow better or to add a sentence, etc. or just ignore the comment. Their name would be on the article, so authors always have the final say.
There's obviously some differences in these two types of writing (especially as for newspaper work I have to follow a style guide and make comments about capitalization or how we write people's titles that had to be changed), and I can only talk more about shorter pieces as articles are only so long, but the "Suggestion Mode" method of thinking about betaing is something that I retain in fandom and I think is a good way to think about it.
If you want to soften the blow as a beta, try phrasing your comment as a suggestion rather than a fact to avoid coming across as negative or accusatory. If you are the author and you're scared of rejection or harsh words, try to think of your beta's comments as light suggestions from a friend on improvements rather than them criticizing you, harsh, etc. They don't think you're a bad writer just because they said you used the word "glowing" too many times in one paragraph, and their opinion of you does not depend on your skill or your work, but who you are. It may not work for every case as everyone's preferences are different, but this "Suggestion Mode" method of working/thinking can help ease friction between betas and authors and I hope it helps!
ao3commentoftheday answered:
Thanks for giving your perspective on things!
As someone who likes to beta, I find it so so helpful when an author can tell me what style of feedback they prefer or don't want! I think sometimes writers who are new to working with a beta don't realize this is allowed, but especially for fanfic where there's no style guide to worry about, we can absolutely tailor the kind of notes we give you.
Sometimes that's suggested changes for SPAG and unclear phrasing, sometimes that's highlighting lines to flag with comments or questions, sometimes it's big-picture developmental notes on the pacing or story progression or character voice, sometimes it's "omg please just fix my accidental tense changes," sometimes it's "please don't suggest wording changes, just let me know anywhere you're confused," sometimes it's even just "hey can you hype me up? I'm nervous about this one."
Beta readers want to help you feel good about sharing your writing!
If you’re reading this…
go write three sentences on your current writing project.
# my favourite part about this post # is that nowhere does it say to reblog this # but we’re all reblogging it # because if we have to suffer # so do other writers
Boop
Scenes And Sequels: The Writer’s Guide To Stronger Story Structure
Scenes and sequels are tools that help writers control the pace and flow of a story. If you master this technique, you will give your readers a story they won’t want to put down.
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Want to know about mine?
ALTMonsters in the shadows.
A city in peril.
Can one shapeshifter save Akert City before the moons go dark?
“Writers get paid for what other people get scolded for: daydreaming. We’re supposed to wander.”
— Richard Walter
South Elevation, West Elevation, East Elevation and West Facade prints by Greg Girard and Ian Lambot.
Prints available: https://cityofdarkness.co.uk/prints/