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16 Aug, 2025

another hyperrealistic dream where i legit thought i had ruined my life, everyone!

i think either i had another dream last night or before about my dad managing to expand every room in the house to an insane level, so every room became so big that it looked like a hotel resort. it was insane

so: to the point, my dad told my brother and me "let's go see my side of the family :-) just us three :-)" and we agreed, because we hadn't seen them in a while. outside our house, there was a black old car (or at least it looked like an old people's car) and inside it were my paternal grandmother and grandfather ...

the car was on a radio station with a weird ass name like "C4RN1T45454D45" ¹, so I thought to myself "oh, we are going to go eat some tacos with yummy meat with my grandparents:-) its going to be so awesomesauce!!" (little did dream-me know...)...

i thought we were only going to maybe buy tacos from someone else's truck and eat outside in the streets, and that would be it. not usually something we did, but okay.

but whoever was driving (maybe my grandfather??²) kept driving and driving, until we stopped right outside somebody's house, one i didn't recognize at all. it was one level, and the outside was painted orange with some black accents. it wasn't night yet, it was like dusky

"wait, why are we here? i thought we were just going to go get some taquitos"

and my dad told me, "you two are going to get inside that person's home, steal their food, and that's what we will all eat. without them noticing you at all. just steal whatever food you can, and we will eat it all together"

so, we did. we got inside that person's home. it was the house of a family of 3, a young dad and a young mom, who had a toddler. and also his grandparents.

so me and my brother were really sneaky, going through all the rooms in the house to see if they had any leftover food, and while i never thought of checking the kitchen for food, i noticed that the rooms they were sleeping in had some paquetaxos bags in the floor, so i was like okay, maybe we can eat those as a family.

everyone in that house was completely asleep; the dad, mom and toddler were asleep in the same bed on a room to the west to the entrance, and the grandparents were asleep in like the living room, the attic (?) or a room to the east. i don't know anymore

as i tried to retrieve the paquetaxos from the floor, but these damn bags were too loud. i woke the mother up by accident first, shit. and then, of course, in her fear she woke up her husband too.

i realized, fuck it, we already got caught... with all 3 or 5 paquetaxos that were in the floor of the bedroom on my arms, i started a mad dash towards the back door. the dad was really angry, and was yelling some really mean things about me and my brother, i think he had a gun? and like, yeah, we were about to rob him blind ONLY HIS FOOD, but it really, really got me angry

in my rage, as i got ever closer to my only exit, i got under their black wooden dinner table (which was all set, and with food on the table. should've stolen that instead... and was really close to a door) and then, BAM! i got up really fast in order to make all the stuff on top of it fall to the ground because i hated that whole family so, so, so much at that moment. i wanted to leave a mess that would bother them. the baby was crying now, and i managed to get to the front door with the paquetaxos in my arms...

i quickly got into the car with my dad's side of the family. i don't remember eating the paquetaxos at all, the whole ride i was silent and just had the stomach churning realization that now that i had left physical evidence (turning over the dinner table), it meant my life was definitely over from that moment on.

i knew it would only be a matter of time before police found me and took me to jail for basically the rest of my life (?) or something about going to jail would fundamentally change me so much that it would be like i died there either way

i had this deep sense of grief and doom looming heavily over me as we somehow got back home (strangely the outside of my house was basically the same as it is irl), and i realized that either i was going to die in prison or i was going to have it on my own terms. but nobody cared while we were driving in the car... not even my brother who was there with me... so i was the only one carrying that weight

i remember that my brother's room was really strange. it was almost like that one area in pikmin 1 (the forest navel) where there's a lot of little springs with water in them, but the room was well illuminated, the floors was silky white and very smooth. my brother's room felt insanely luxurious and just like a hotel, and it felt warm like a sauna. anyway, the idea of prison made me realize there was only one way of this: killing myself on my brother's room by jumping from one of the high pools at the top until the floor

i kept trying to find whichever pool would let me kill myself the fastest, and my blood kept beating in my ears, scared of taking too long... i think somehow i could also kinda hear police sirens outside, maybe as they passed by. i thought, what if they already found us out? what if i've really ran out of time?

and that's when i woke up

#dreamlog