First Class
One time I was flying from LA to Auckland when meal service started. The flight attendant approached me, and I said, “I am contemplating the filet, but I remember last time I flew with you I had an exquisite salmon entrée. Is that still available?” She said “Yes, excellent choice.” The man next to me interrupted, “I’m not really a vegetarian, but I’d like to hear that option.” The flight attendant said, “Five Bean Chili.” Dismayed at what just had happened, I interjected, “Even better—I’ll take that instead!”
First Class
Posted in Uncategorized on March 19, 2023 by AndreThe Truth Is Out There
Posted in Uncategorized on March 15, 2023 by AndreI was watching “Ancient Aliens” on the History Channel during a recent beach trip. The next day, an elderly woman came up to the kids who were playing with buckets and shovels on the beach and she said, “Oh, what a beautiful sand castle, did you do this?” And they said, “Yes.” Kids are such big liars sometimes.
On Chicken McNuggets
Posted in Uncategorized with tags chicken mcnuggets, random on December 29, 2013 by AndreThere are basically two shapes of McNuggets, the slight oval and Louisiana.
On The Government Shutdown
Posted in Uncategorized with tags Government Shutdown, humor on October 1, 2013 by AndreThe Air Force vs. Navy football game may be affected by the shutdown, but my junk mail will still get delivered on time.
Hilton Hotel, Washington, D.C., February 2nd, 2012, at approximately 2:22pm
Posted in humor, Uncategorized with tags humor on September 17, 2013 by AndreConcerned Citizen: Mr. President, what are you going to do about the economy?
President: Let me tell you a story. One day, on my way to dinner with some members of the press corps, a young man, probably about your age, came up to me and said, “Mr. President, what are you going to do about the economy?,” and I said, “I’m going to tell you what we are going to do about that. It’s about a fair and balanced approach…let me repeat that…a fair and balanced approach.”
Concerned Citizen: Yes, but [interrupted]
President: So then he said, “Yes, but” and I said to this young man, “Let me tell you a story. One day, on my way to dinner with some members of the press corps, a young man, probably about your age, came up to me and said, ‘Mr. President, what are you going to do about the economy?,’ and I said, ‘I’m going to tell you what we are going to do about that. It’s about a fair and balanced approach…let me repeat that…a fair and balanced approach.’”
Business Class
Posted in Uncategorized with tags business trip on April 5, 2013 by AndreOne time I was flying for business. About the time meal service was starting, the man next to me stood up and announced he was hijacking the airplane and taking it to Lebanon. Seeing the seriousness of the situation, I intervened without delay and accosted him, “Sir—you have made an unwise choice attempting to divert this flight —perhaps you should have enjoyed the Auckland nightlife first. We left Tel Aviv fifteen hours ago and are over open ocean!” Flummoxed, he sat down, apologized for the interruption, and then proceeded to order the chicken and a glass of Chardonnay.
On Motorcyclists
Posted in Uncategorized with tags dangerous driving, driving, motorcycles, motorcyclists, safety comes in cans I can you can we can, safety first on July 12, 2012 by AndreMotorcyclists are dangerous. Every time I try to change lanes without signaling, one is in my way.
Communist Party USA, Part 7
Posted in Uncategorized on August 28, 2011 by AndreSeptember 22nd, 1997
From: Commie97@yahoo.com
To: KristenR_____@yahoo.com
Subject: Bad News
Comrade Kristy,
You remember that promotion I was telling you about? Well, apparently it’s not going to happen. I was told that it was contingent on certain events transpiring that could put the Party into a state of chaos, but those events never transpired. Oh, I also want to tell you that Ernesto recovered with flying colors. It would have been horrible to lose a man of such character, who would have taken his place? There isn’t another person in this organization that has even an iota of competence compared to Comrade Ernesto–don’t tell Sergei that I said that though.
Which brings me to my next point. Between you and me, Comrade Krakov is a bit of a curmudgeon. He’s always saying to me that I don’t know anything about being a good communist, or that I don’t make good coffee. I’m at the point of thinking that I may not move up in this organization unless there is a change of leadership, if you know what I mean–I’m talking about a coup d’état. We’ve got to make it look like a B&E or a suicide. My sister works for the Department of Justice and I’ve been asking her a lot of questions about how criminals pull these types of things off. She said that I can’t talk in generalities, that I have to tell her specifics for her to better assess whether or not something could fly under the radar of the authorities. I told her that I was going to talk to you about it and give her specifics once they were planned. It might be easiest if we all just carbon copy each other on emails so we have our thoughts down on record. I told her that you are one of the best strategic masterminds in our organization. You should be expecting an email from her in the coming days, she’s really interested in knowing what the plans will be.
Your Comrade,
Alexei
September 24th, 1997
From: KristenR_____@yahoo.com
To: Commie97@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Bad News
Holy shit, you must be joking.
On Nihilism
Posted in Uncategorized with tags Andre Toman, humor, nihilism, philosophy on January 9, 2009 by AndreI wanted to be a nihilist, but I couldn’t hack it; I think I was trying too hard.
I Take the 5th! 