Introspection

There is an old Chinese curse- “may you live in interesting times.”

I have actually written about this before.

The truth is that human history is full of interesting times. The anomaly was when things were quiet. When there was no upheaval, no famine, no political infighting, no wars, no subterfuge, nothing undermining the quiet of your days.

In history, life was generally about waiting for the next shoe to drop.

We need to look inside ourselves and rediscover who were are and why.

Well I always lived that way. I was never blessed with quiet. As a child I lived all over the country because of my father’s job. By the time I had graduated form high school I had attended 11 different schools (Ok you could remove 2 changes since you normally go from elementary to middle school to high school with a 1 semester stint in Israel). It provided me an incite into the USA very different from those who stayed in one place. Was it a better way to be? I don’t know. Since I don’t really know a childhood that wasn’t always on the move. Was a childhood that was all in 1 place better for my boys? It was better in many respects because I am not sure autistic children would have been welcome in most communities. They certainly had their share of problems here in what is considered a highly educated and socially liberal environment.

My lack of calm wasn’t because I was waiting for the next antisemite to come around the bend, but more so because as a parent of special needs children you always need to have a plan (then plan B, Plan C, Plan D and all the way to plan Z, then you worked on plan AA, plan BB, etc). And I found out early on when you weren’t prepared for alternatives, when you thought you had everything in order, that is when the shit hit the fan. And it wasn’t because I was unprepared for what I had to do, it was because in our world we had to rely on others to do their jobs properly where the boys were concerned.

Mostly it was about the teachers and the school districts who thought they either didn’t have to do their jobs, or thought they were so perfect at their jobs that they cured my boys (and yes, some of the parents and children were also shit):

-We first moved school districts because my oldest son’s kindergarten teacher didn’t like that he was in her class awaiting testing, and caused him to have a meltdown by taking away his puzzles, refused to allow him back in class afterwards, we were lied to that the school doesn’t have to provide an aide (we paid for it by the way) and then the teacher put him in the coatroom and wouldn’t let him in class. The school principle refused to do anything about it and when I wrote the mayor and school superintendent we never heard back. So we pulled him out of school, and moved. We did hear from the school district 9 months later wondering where he was. My husband thanked them for finally noticing he hadn’t been in class and told them to “fuck off.” (I honestly think they were gauging whether we were going to sue or not. Honestly who had the patience we had real problems to deal with.)

-I kid you not that our biggest threat of a lawsuit was because a newly minted teacher, who was really an ignoramus child fresh out of school, decided he had resolved my autistic sons issues and he didn’t need to be classified anymore. The VP who had hired him planned to support this ridiculousness (well he was her choice and she couldn’t be wrong in her choice), meanwhile, the schoolroom teacher alerted me to this stupidity. (Interestingly, this entitled teacher-child screamed at the classroom teacher for telling me saying it was not her place and none of my business) I went to the head of the school district and outlined a massive civil rights law suit. Needless to say they didn’t declassify him and he received the support he needed. Apparently this “teacher” not receiving the position he thought he was entitled to in our school system left for another district. I feel sorry for those children.

-In fifth grade the classroom teacher and special ed teacher could nto agree on how to help my son with his issues (they were both stupid). I remember the Vice Principle of the school trying to excuse the issue between the 2 teachers by saying that “you know how middle school teachers are.” I told him point blank, they are adults and they had better start acting like adults because they are hurting my autistic child and this better get fixed. They brought in an outside special ed teacher to provide a program for my son and removed the special ed teacher to another classroom…eventually but not after alot of damage had been done which took years to correct. (I know I should have sued for what therapy cost because of their negligence. But I think it would have cost me more to sue. It is a trick the school districts use. They know it will cost more to sure than to actually pay for alot of the therapies your child needs, and in the meantime your child is not getting the help.)

-Then in high school the head of the teacher’s union thought she was going to use my son as a whip in negotiations with the district. That didn’t go over well for her either. Luckily, my son only needed the one art class from her in order to take the art classes offered at the school. The best part of that episode was a special ed teacher from the high school was trying to tell me that there are different expectations in art in high school than in middle school - my son had always gotten As and had his art work exhibited in the library as an example of talent in middle school- the high school art teacher wanted to put a note on his transcript that he did not meet high school standards (my son has a genius IQ). This because he had a one-to-one aide and she refused to meet with me about the issue saying it is not part of her job description. When I called the local university about the transcript note in art, the admission counselor actually laughed out loud that they would even do such a thing and how ridiculous the teacher was. Needlesstosay, when I mentioned the civil rights issue to the school district again, they reminded the union head/art teacher that civil rights violations are personal to the person and that the district is not obligated to defend her in that circumstance….cunt gave my son a B and we never had to deal with her again.

-When my oldest went to college since high education isn’t required by law to provide an aide we said we would pay for it ourselves. Of course, we tried for him to go without one at first, but his anxiety was so bad that he did not function well. The best part was when we went for the accommodation, the special ed supervisor of the college was the one who gave us a hard time. She said she knew who could and could not function in higher education and my son could not, even with an aide. Well, one threat of a lawsuit later, he got his accommodation. (She wrote a letter to the lawyer saying she has had X amount of years as a special ed teacher and she knew what she was talking about.Ahem no she did not.) My son graduated with honors in his major and went on to receive 2 masters degrees. That second university had no issue with the aide, and had no issue with supporting him. (In the end this special educator from the first school did become a champion of his and other accommodations for those on the spectrum.)

I also know that our experiences with the education system is not unique. I have a cousin who has an autistic son who is a few years older than our boys, and he said that he swears his wife has PTSD from what the school district put them through.

I have no doubt about that. They say that parents, mostly mothers of course since they still tend to be the primary care givers, of autistic children, tend to have the same cortisol levels as soldiers in combat. I honestly don’t think its just from having to deal with your child’s issues. I honestly think it comes more from having to deal with society than anything else.

I understand 30 years later that things are better for some people. Many people tell us that when it comes to schools they do work to make sure that children are supported. Maybe because enough people bought lawsuits that everyone realizes that this is the USA in 2026, and not the Dark Ages. (Yes I know the Dark Ages wasn’t exactly the Dark Ages either, but I am going to go with the insinuation of ignorance that abounded during that time period.)

I understand that unfortunately in some schools its now also a thing to request accommodations and support when it really isn’t necessary because some imbeciles think additional time or extra support gives people like my sons a leg up. When in reality all the accommodations do is create a level playing field for these children and adults who actually need it. How is it that in some ivy league schools upwards of 40% of the students need accommodations, while less than 20% of the population have learning or developmental disabilities of any kind. (Remember there are all kinds and all levels of what is considered a disability today. They are not all the same and do not need the same level of support or accommodation.)

Even with the accommodation support you still have to be able to pass the tests given, write the papers and explain our work. In a job, you still have to be able to do the job the way it was meant to be done. If you cannot complete the assignment even with accommodations then the job was not meant for you.

The issue we face now is that no matter what the boys do they never seem to get interviews. Now we try to find out why the boys have a hard time getting job interviews. People review their resumes all the time and cant understand it. The university where my oldest went worked with him for 2 years and they could not figure it out. We would understand if they blew an interview. Social skills is something they need help with and the vagaries of interviewing can be very hard for the average individual never mind someone on the autism spectrum. Nope, no answers and it is one of those ever enduring mysteries.

(And they both had the degrees the experts told the to get. The ones where there were thousands of job openings in the country. The ones where they said there would be jobs forever. I learned to never listen to the experts.)

But in the meantime, we learn and we help them grow and we are trying to figure it out to help them. We have segued, restructured, and continue to try to find alternative future for them.

What we will not do is give up. You can’t. Once you decide that this is all there is then you take from them the right to choose their future. As the husband said, eventually he is going to have to retire and the boys will need some kind of jobs where they can take care of themselves. Yes, there are government subsidies and help. But then you need to live at the largesse of someone else’s idea of what and who you can be (usually social workers who are over worked, under paid and who for all their desire to help people are ignorant about autism and autistic people). In the end, if that is what has to happen then that is what has to happen in order for them to have a roof over their heads and food on the table once we are gone, but we are not going to do that to them right now, and they don’t want it either. They want to be able to have the future of their choosing. It is just taking longer than normal. But then again nothing for them has been what people consider a normal trajectory of life.

Life is not easy for them. Even living at home with the support we give them. I wish we could change the world. But for now we are going to have to simply work on changing our little corner of the world.

Listen I am not writing this so people feel bad for any of us. This is my way of explaining why when the world fell apart whether it was COVID and then October 7, much of our world did not change.

We used to laugh that when COVID hit and everyone had to stay home, work from home and never leave that was our general way of life. Sure there was the movie theater trip, but we had stopped taking vacations and going out to eat years before. Not because they boys are autistic, but because its all too expensive.

We did turn to each other and acknowledge though that considering not much of our life changed during COVID except the hubby would go food shopping early by himself because of senior hours, that we needed to make a change in our world. That it was not a good thing that our world did not change. A few things did get upended. But in truth, we can’t come up with a trip we want to take, or a restaurant we want to dine at. Occasionally there is a movie to go to, but most of them stream so quickly on line there is no point to spend what it costs to go to the cinema. And on line shopping makes everything so much easier, the idea of waling around a mall is generally annoying.

Now if I do want to look at a change after October 7, though it is in the country itself. Yes we celebrated our 250th, but it doesn’t change the fact that something is very wrong in the US. I would have to wonder what it is that caused this upside down and topsy turvy political world that we do live in. How is it that the people who burn babies alive, gang rape women to death, chant for genocide, laude those who commit atrocities are seen as the victims of a war that they started?

You could say its education or lack thereof, you could say its the propaganda. But then you would also have to acknowledge that the majority of people are incredibly stupid. That the average person has no desire to learn, seek out facts, or have critical thinking skills to the point that they prefer to be sheeple. They are so stupid in fact, that the old adage that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others rings true.

How is it that within our society, those who want to destroy our form of government are even allowed to participate in that government? Why are we, as a society, allowing those who want to deprive us of our freedoms in the name of some vague, ambiguous, undefined pot of gold at the end of a rainbow philosophy allowed to have a say in our future? These candidates want to abolish the Senate and Congress now. Their platform also says the US is the most evil regime to have ever existed in history. Why are we electing them to even the level of “dog catcher,” never mind to have the ability to make our laws?

Oh sure we all want equality of outcome. Really? Do we? Why should someone who has worked 80 hours a week end up with the same material outcome as someone who may never have worked or worked half as much? Why should the person who has invented a new medicine that saves lives, have the same outcome as someone who murders (of course if you strangle your wife to death, and end up in Rikers, you get to watch a World Cup match with the mayor of NYC)? Why should someone who has no more desire than to work a normal basic work week have the same retirement as the person who came up with an entirely new form of economics? We do not want equality of outcomes, we want equality of chance. So why are those who upend the concept of equality getting so much play?

There are individuals who choose to scapegoat and call for mass murder, and everyone thinks this is ok? An entire political party, the democratic party has decided to bend the knee to those who want to genocide the State of Israel because of not only ignorance about Jewish history but a purposeful obfuscation of Jewish history and indigeneity. These same people support the homophobia, misogyny, totalitarian nature of a regime that calls for the destruction of the country in which they live, and people in this country are voting for their own destruction? They are also voting to destroy an ally? Who does that? And would they do that to any other ally? If some political party called for the obliteration of China (not a US ally but another existing nation), after all they are committing genocide (Uyghurs), are totalitarian, and are planning to invade an independent peaceful neighbor (Taiwan), that political group would be extricated from society. But when the DSA calls for, and celebrates mass murder of Jews, this is not only allowed into the tent, it is embraced.

When the Vice President of the United States goes on a podcast and intimates at Jewish conspiracy and control of the US government, basically a wink and a nod to the groypers, who he thinks are going to make him president, what does that say about the GOP? Apart from the fact that there was condemnation from all corners of the republican party except the White House, what does that say about Trump? Vance doesn’t go on national syndicated show and say these things without the approval of the president does he? The adage that there is a psycho behind the resolute desk holds. (Meanwhile, major donors to the GOP have already said they will not support a Vance presidential bid.) I honestly think that Vance believes he has support from so many other avenues he doesn’t need mainstream republicans. I wonder what Turning Point USA thinks. Do they really believe that Charlie Kirk would endorse a nazi-adjacent candidate? Someone should ask Erika Kirk, or maybe Charlie’s parents.

So why this introspection and why now?

Wednesday night starts the holiday of Tisha B’av. A day when Jews mourn the destruction of the 2 holy Temples, we remember the expulsion from England and Spain, Germany declared war on Russia in WW1 setting the stage for the Holocaust and the mass deportations from Treblinka began. Only Jews would keep a running list of the day shitty things happened to them…in truth that we have such a list at all is what is truly sad.

There are many Jews around the world that will fast and spend the day praying and mourning. But this day does not make me sad. It makes me angry.

The rabbis tell us that all these calamities happened to the Jewish people because we were a house divided against ourselves. As a community we practiced sinat chinam - baseless hatred. This caused such a rift within the community when it came time to defend ourselves, we could not because we were so divided. It is a way of saying there has to be a limit to how we argue. Nothing can come between our ability to defend ourselves, stand up for ourselves, even how we view the world.

Now of course, because we are Jewish we do argue about the level of argument we are allowed before it becomes so divisive that we destroy ourselves from within. People used to say it was gong to be the divide between Ashkenazi and Mizrachi in Israeli society, it was going to be the economic difference between the tech bros and those they leave behind, then it was going to be the judicial reform division (which we also found out was funded by grants from USAID and the Biden administration). Many say that the judicial reform calumny gave the enemies of Israel the idea that they had a chance to follow through on the genocidal intent. So October 7.

But I think the world needs to remember something about the Jews. You do not know us. You have never understood us. Your desire to destroy us only makes us stronger. As has been reported, 130% of Israelis showed up to their reserve units after October7, and Jews around the world turned back to the religion of their ancestors. We are not called the stiff necked People for nothing.

We do need to remember this day of the Ninth Of Av.

It is a remembrance of what our ancestors went through so we would be here today to once again shout from the rooftops:

SHEMA YISRAEL ADONAI ELOHAINU ADONAI ECHAD

HEAR O ISRAEL THE LORD OUR G-D THE LORD IS ONE

We dare you to stand in our way….

*****

May God Bless the US Armed Forces and the IDF.

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