What we're NOT gonna do this year...

Happy New Year, Friends!

Years ago, I spent New Year’s Eve single, hopping from party to party with my cousin. Ten minutes to midnight, I got depressed and reached out to a fling just to have someone to kiss at midnight after my cousin had abandoned me in a bar (he was on his own mission). 

I spent the next several days doing “couple things” with this rekindled fling: the zoo, dinner, and movies. And on the third day, just 3 days into the new year, he said he didn’t think we should see each other anymore. 

I was devastated. But just a few weeks ago while out with grad school friends, I saw him. He was wearing a wedding ring and he looked so grumpy and bored with the woman I presumed to be his wife. In fact, while I was laughing and joking with my good friends, he and his wife had dinner in complete silence (and he kept glancing over at me). We never spoke, but the loop was officially closed.

Last week, I spent the last night of 2022 with family for a nice dinner, then I hung out in comfy clothes with a friend and her dog for a movie night. We ate cookies, drank mocktails, and I was home by 12:20am. Perfection.

I’m a different person now and it’s the first year in a long time that I don’t feel desperate for male validation or jealousy of other couples. 

So how did I spend the first few days of 2023? I blocked and deleted every boring guy who was chatting me up in 2022.

1. Nonchalant, boring communication. No more “How’s it going?” or “Cool, I’m tired, too.” Our profiles are a gold mine! Use them to start conversations!

2. Check-ins with no follow-up action. If a guy asks me if I’m feeling better, that’s sweet. If I say “no, I’m actually pretty bad,” and they don’t offer to send soup or at the bare minimum an “Is there anything I can do to help?” We’re done. These are basically strangers, I know, but I’m telling you, these are tests of basic human decency.

3. First dates at people’s homes (or just to hang out). I’m proud to say there were fewer of these for me in 2022 than in 2021. My goal for 2023 is zero first dates at someone’s home. Not only do I not want to get murdered, but it’s just a lazy move. If money is the issue, we can walk in the park, go to a bookstore, or do literally anything that takes the tiniest bit of effort.

4. Dating for the sake of feeling chosen. I hate to sound cliche, but 2023 is the year that I choose myself. I’m great as I am and my life is fulfilling. I’m not chasing some mythological happier life that depends on another person validating me. My existence is validated every day by the beauty I see in the world, by my friends and family, my job, and my pups.

5. Risking long-term friendships for short-term flings or long-term potential (this is especially a note for past Ansa). Listen to me: You need to know what’s solid in your life before you add someone new so they don’t rock the boat. We’ve all done this in our less mature (and more desperate) moments, but it’s a new day. Gone are the days when our friends and family not liking a potential new partner isn’t a major red flag. Listen to the people who know and love you. While ultimately the decision is yours, ask yourself: Is this person worth losing the life and community I’ve built for myself?