Red Flags for Over 35

Hi Friends,

I recently celebrated my 35th birthday (Happy Birthday to me and all the Capricorns!!). On my birthday evening, I was surrounded by my closest girlfriends for an impromptu fireside chat about the lives we’re living and how appreciative we are of each other as a community. It eventually turned into us all giggling about what we no longer care about as grown women.

Now that any pregnancy I have would be officially termed “geriatric” I’m thinking about all the things I’m leaving behind in my early 30s.

1. Gender roles. I don’t have time for this nonsense at 35. Any man who rants about men “providing and protecting” but then judges me for wanting a man who looks like he can protect (tall, muscular) and provide (high salary) can kick rocks. I don’t need a man just to lift heavy things and fight imaginary harm. If I partner up with someone, it’ll be for emotional support and companionship. You know, someone I actually want to be around.

2. Settling. Women are often told their standards for partnership are too high — that if you don’t lower them, you’ll never find a husband. I have news for you: My need for peace and joy is greater than my need to be married. So I think I’ll be just fine if my standards for being taken out of the comfort of my awesome life remain high.

3. Not celebrating how far I’ve come. As a single woman (sometimes decidedly so) it can be easy to waffle between contentment with my life and yearning for even more. I’ve come a very long way and every day above ground is a day to celebrate. In times of boredom or loneliness, I remember the community I’ve built and fostered, the friends and family who love me, and the wiggles of my beautiful fur babies.

4. Not resting when I need to. My life before 35 could be summed up in one word: Ambition. But I’ve lost steam in the best possible way. I used to keep a spreadsheet of all my dates and stay up late chatting with potential partners. Just last night, a man messaged me at 10pm just as I finished spritzing my lavender pillow spray and got comfortable under my weighted blanket. This time around, I simply turned off my notifications and went to bed. If I get to

5. Caring what others think. I am constantly surrounded by amazing women who do whatever they want. I want to film TikToks like no one’s watching, sing like no one’s listening and exist proudly without a partner like no baby-making clock is ticking. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone and the only person I’m competing against is the me of yesterday.

What are you leaving behind you after your birthday this year?