胡堡胡同 Huburg Hutong：012 第十二章：赵莉俐 Lily

第十二章：赵莉俐

林豪杰就是太阳。

我从记事起，就爱上了林豪杰。我很小的时候，我总是看他，把他的全部都背下来了。就是现在，如果我会画画，我会用很自信

的画笔，画他长长的睫毛，画他熟悉的下巴曲线。我甚至可以画出他的手和指甲。

林豪杰在我的办公室的文件上签字的时候，他站起来，往下看着我，牵起我的手。我觉得很感动，好像我在看太阳从胡堡胡同的山脊上升起。

他约我出去喝酒的时候，我知道创立人的规则，也变成了家族的规则：公私分明。

但是，面对那么多渴望，一个人能做什么呢？我说好的。

后来的每一次触碰——他的手放在我的后背上，带我走到酒吧，他第一次碰我的手，然后握住我的手，第一次接吻——都让我觉得充满了光。他第一次进入我的时候，我觉得自己在发光，觉得自己完整了。

这是一个很美的故事，对吧？一个浪漫的、豪门故事，仿佛是为电视剧写的。

问题是，太阳不会来回互动。他只是照耀。我想不出办法让那个故事和我的故事一起生长，像两根藤蔓一样交织在一起，长在同一棵树上。

哦，但是我试过了。我真的试过了。

林豪杰不是我的第一个爱人，但是他是第一个让我这样想的人：男人进入，女人被进入。我在这里，他在那里，然后有一种很真实的感觉：光打破了我温暖黑暗的边缘。

Word List

林豪杰 Lín Háojié Harry Lin
记事的时候 jìshì de shíhou since one can remember, from the time one started forming memories
自信 zìxìn confident
睫毛 jiémáo eyelash
熟悉 shúxī familiar
下巴 xiàbā jaw, chin
曲线 qūxiàn curve, outline
签 qiān to sign, to label
牵 qiān to pull, to lead by hand, to hold hands
脊 jǐ spine, ridge
升 shēng to rise, to ascend
公私分明 gōngsī fēnmíng clearly separate personal and professional matters
触 chù to touch, to contact
碰 pèng to touch, to bump into, to come into contact with
触碰 chùpèng to touch (formal/literary, often emotionally significant)
握 wò to hold, to grasp
吻 wěn to kiss
接吻 jiēwěn to kiss (more formal/clinical term than 吻 alone)
充满 chōngmǎn to be filled with, full of
发光 fāguāng to glow, to shine, to emit light
家族 jiāzú family, clan, extended family
浪漫 làngmàn romantic
豪门 háomén wealthy and powerful family, prestigious/elite family
电视剧 diànshìjù TV drama, TV series
藤蔓 téngwàn vine
根 gēn measure word for long, thin things (e.g. vines, branches, hair, ropes)
棵 kē measure word for trees
交织 jiāozhī to interweave, to entwine
生长 shēngzhǎng to grow
边缘 biānyuán edge, border, verge
温 wēn warm, mild
暖 nuǎn warm
温暖 wēnnuǎn warm
黑暗 hēi’àn dark, darkness

Chapter 12: Lily

Harry Lin is the sun.

I’ve loved him as long as I can remember. As a tiny girl, I watched him so much I memorized him. Even today, if I could paint, I would paint a picture of him with confident brushstrokes - his long eyelashes, the familiar curve of his jaw. I could even paint a picture of his hands and fingernails.

When Harry was at my office to sign papers, stood up, looked down at me, and reached out to take my hand, I felt as moved as if I were watching the sun rise over the mountain ridge in the hutong.

When he asked me out for drinks, I knew the founders’ rule, that had become the family rule: separate personal and professional.

But what’s a person to do with that much longing? I said yes.

Each touch after - his hand on my lower back as he guided me to the bar, the first time he touched my hand, then held it, the first kiss - filled me with light. When he entered me for the first time, I felt as if I were shimmering, complete.

What a beautiful story, right? A romantic, dynastic drama, made for TV.

The trouble is, the sun doesn’t do back and forth. It just shines. I couldn’t figure out how to grow and intertwine that one-way story with mine, like two vines growing up the same tree.

Oh, but I tried. How I tried.

Harry Lin wasn’t my first lover, but he was the first that made me think that while men enter, women are entered. I am here, he is there, and then there’s this visceral sense of having light break the warm dark edge of me.

Notes 注释

1. When I was an English teacher, the students and I read Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare aloud together. I felt such a sense of terrible awe when I read this line in the company of others: “Juliet is the sun.”

“Juliet is the sun” is one of the most famous metaphors in English literature, spoken by Romeo in Act 2, Scene 2.

2. In the English phrase “doesn’t do back and forth,” “do” + [noun/activity] means “to engage in, to participate in, to be the kind of thing/person that does X.”

“Back and forth” means a mutual, two-directional exchange. “The sun doesn’t do back and forth” means “the sun isn’t the kind of thing that engages in back-and-forth (mutual exchange).”

For this concept in English, we chose 互动 hùdòng in Chinese. Often translated as “interact,” it also implies mutual participation, influence, and communication.

3. “和你在一起，我希望我们可以有一条思路，像两根藤蔓一起生长，长在同一棵树上。我希望你有意识地选择跟我分享的内容，目的是你的思想跟我的思想交织在一起。找我，向我伸手，我也会这样做。你说，我说，你说，我说，两根藤蔓一起向上生长在同一棵树上。”

English translation and word list are here: Microstories 微故事 0001：Vines 藤蔓.

Huburg Hutong 胡堡胡同 is a serialized novel written at the intermediate level in both Simplified Chinese characters and in English. Chapters are published weekly. The novel is written by Anne 安妮 Giles, edited by 侯慧颖 Hóu Huìyǐng “Mary,” and illustrated by Lear.

Huburg Hutong: Start Here
Huburg Hutong: Table of Contents
Huburg Hutong: Background
Huburg Hutong: Places and Characters
Huburg Hutong: Just English