BLAME / BERRIES / BIRTHDAYS

That’s what I think.

That’s what others think, too.

By “others”, I pretty much only specifically mean the Karen-types who frequent my workplace.

Most of our customers are incredible. I am stunned every day by just how many fantastic, eco-conscious humans come into the shop.

There are the few, though…

There are always the few…

When you’re out of stock of a popular product, or you tell them you don’t have whatever niche thing they came for, their response is,

“Oh… how unfortunate, I came all this way for dry figs on a string…”

They pull the saddest face.

They ask you about something, you answer it clearly and kindly, but all you get in response is,

“Interesting…”.

One of our customers— we will call her “Becky” — is a frequent user of “interesting”.

This week, she came in with her two young daughters. The kids kindly helped her weigh and fill her jars, and in the process, Becky couldn’t help but criticize.

The lid slipped off of our chocolate chip container while her youngest daughter was using it,

and as I came over to assist them,

Becky exclaimed disappointedly,

“And she was doing so well, too!”

Ugh.

Later, while we were completing the transaction, Becky abruptly left the store to retrieve her car, which was parked far away. She left her kids with me (without asking) and had them do all of the work at the register.

Many minutes later, when Becky came back, everyone started bagging their filled jars. In the process, the youngest daughter dropped a glass container of farro.

It shattered. Farro everywhere.

The little girl started crying, and instead of Becky supporting her child, she threw her under the bus.

“This is what happens when I bring them anywhere. They weren’t even fighting today, I thought it would be fine, but now look at this…”

The little girl’s older sister comforted her as she cried.

My coworker swept up the glass and farro.

No offers to help, no offers to pay for the lost stock, no attempt to even support her daughter

or to take any blame.

That moment would have been a perfect opportunity to show her daughter what to do in future situations like that.

To me, that would mean apologizing and at least offering to assist in cleaning. Of course, I don’t expect a little child to clean up glass. I mean that Becky herself should have offered to help.

It’s the offer that matters.

Instead, nothing. She just went and bagged up more farro, kicking around the pieces my coworker was piling up on the floor.

Before they left, Becky said, “Okay, honey, let’s apologize for the mess!”, shoving her faults in her face even more. The little girl was still too teary-eyed to talk.

That’s not even the worst customer we’ve had this week.

My coworkers and I have had people yell at us, threaten us, be really weird with us, and — every day — we have people talk down to us…

and we’re still so lucky. We work at a sustainable, woman-owned business. Most of the people we interact with daily are incredibly kind. It could be much, much, much worse.

On that note…

One of the highlights of my job is my coworkers. They’re the best.

Another one of the perks is being around food all day.

We make a LOT of fun snacks.

We’ve cooked up baguette sandwiches, cold brew with cold foam, oatmeal, fresh-popped popcorn, tofu rice bowls, and more… all with just a fridge, a kettle, and a microwave.

This week, we made chocolate-covered strawberries!

We bought some of our beautiful organic strawberries,

dipped them in microwave-melted chocolate chips and almond flakes,

chilled them for a bit, and

devoured.

That was pure magic. So so good.

I am sometimes underwhelmed by strawberries. They’re often too tart or white on the inside, and are frequently unripe.

These ones were excellent.

On that note…

I love raspberries.

They’re one of my favorite fruits.

I also love mangos.

Olivia, my best friend, loves lychees.

She also loves mangos.

Her birthday party was this week. To celebrate the Gluten Free Queen herself, I made a gluten free lychee cake!

It ended up looking a bit crazy and like a coral reef, but it was still pretty to me.

It started with a gluten free vanilla cake base (was not a fan of the mix I used, so the cake base turned out ehhh… but I can’t blame myself) that was cut in half and drenched with lychee simple syrup.

Then, I added homemade lychee mango curd and lychee pieces to the middle.

Dalton and I decorated it with frosting, mangos, raspberries, and lychees.

I really enjoyed the cake (minus my judgments about the cake mix… and criticisms about how much salt I put in the frosting… and critiques about the curd).

I am so judgmental of myself.

This cake is beautiful and the people at the party liked it, but I can’t stop the wacky voices that blame me for everything I did wrong.

On that note…

This “blame” conversation feels unfinished.

When it’s yourself, blame is so much more than carrying responsibility for something or taking fault.

It is almost this kind of sludgy, shameful, guilt-ridden swamp.

Its full of everything you “could have” or “would have” or “should have” done better and it eats its muddy way into your stomach and throat. This week, it’s literally made me vomit.

I let this lady get away with scratching our car scot-free this week after she yelled at me and made me feel like it was my fault.

It was not my fault, but in that moment, I let her manipulate me and I blamed myself and made foolish decisions.

In the process, I became more mad at myself for letting her get away than I was mad at her for being a bad driver and hitting my car.

She’s the one who did it. I didn’t hit anyone. Yet somehow my brain still blamed me.

My own fault lines will always cut deeper than ones formed from my greatest enemy.

Still, things could be worse. She just scratched some paint.

Oatmeal

Cold brew with white chocolate cold foam

My butterfly necklace

The recent Yellowjackets season

Onitsuka Tiger Mexico 66 in beige/red that I’ve been wearing more recently.