On Crushes

You always have a crush on the person who doesn’t have a crush on you. That’s how crushes work.

When I was in Kindergarten I developed a total crush on a blonde boy in my class who I thought was super cute, and even better, super funny. And he laughed at my jokes. He was dreamy.

While cleaning out my room at my parent’s house, preparing to sell it after they died, I discovered a “box of my childhood,” including my elementary school yearbook and the “photo day” pics of my Kindergarten classmates. I looked at the class photos, not recognizing too many people, until I landed on HIM. My crush! “OMG! There he is!” I screamed to my brother. “He’s so cute! I loved him!” My brother thought it was weirdly hilarious that his grown ass sister was screaming at a photo of a 5-year-old boy like tween girls screaming at a Justin Bieber concert. Or like 5-year-old girls screaming at a Taylor Swift concert. But you never forget your first crush.

To keep the memory intact, I don’t want to google him. I might be disappointed to see that he is a jerk, or a loser, or even worse, a Trump supporter.

For picture day which landed on February 14th, I wore a red dress with little white hearts on it, and a white collar. And I gave him a Valentine’s Day card and he gave me one back. Plus he gave me a book of 5 flavor candy lifesavers! I was in love! He was my first boyfriend! And he made me laugh. That’s still all I want in a boyfriend these days, (besides smokin’ hot sex with someone who knows what he’s doing down there.)