On Anal Sex

I’m sexually adventurous, but if I don’t like something, I don’t want to do it again. Like anal sex. It hurts. I know I’m probably going to have people who love it unsubscribe to me after reading this, but I just hate when someone tears me a new asshole: I get enough of that in daily life.

I once had a boyfriend who was so interested in trying it that we went to an “Anal sex workshop” at the Pleasure Chest in Los Angeles, taught by sex educator Tristan Taormino, who did a great job and was very instructional and profesh. She went through all the stuff you would need to know; lube, dildos to get used to it, enemas, positions, everything. The room was packed with couples, both straight and gay who were very excited. And nervous about exploring “the third imput.” The basic consent issues at “the anal seminar” were to take it slow, and not have raw dog anal sex with no lube.

At the end of class, I bought a butt plug with a cute diamond jewel at the end to pull it out. My boyfriend thought it would be hot if I walked around with it for two hours. Like I said, I’ll try anything once for fun. After two hours, I couldn’t wait to get it out. Hated it. I felt like I had constipation for two hours, then had an anal birth.

All I remember is that my boyfriend was an all mopey afterwards for hours because I didn’t like it. I have since learned that I don’t need to apologize for not liking every sexual act known to mankind. Like I’m really not sorry that I don’t like mummification. And he was too cheap to buy me the butt plug in the first place.

So I asked that boyfriend “Well how about if we shove it up your ass and see how you like it?” He said “no fucking way.” I broke up with him because on a daily basis he didn’t like that I didn’t like what he wanted me to like.