Reflections on Friendship

In the current times, research reveals that individuals with strong social bonds tend to live longer, healthier, and more resilient lives. Yet when we look at reports from social scientists, it seems we are interacting less and feeling lonelier. I recently stumbled upon a statistic that gave me pause: the average person has 150 relationships but considers only 5 people as close friends. It made me wonder—in a world more connected than ever, why do meaningful friendships feel so rare?

Sit down - Pause - Close your eyes and recollect any event or recall a moment that mattered in the past week.

Chances are most of our memories involve our friends and families. The shared moments with friends over a text, emoji, getting something off your mind, enjoying a walk together, sipping coffee or tea, sharing something over laughter or tears would have come up in our mind.

We are born into families but we create our friends. The stories of making friends, fights, patching up those silly differences in schools, planning to spend time with them—all these take up volumes of our time and enduring relationships stay lifetimes.

But what defines a friend, a role that plays such a prominent role in each of our lives?

We crave to have a good friend but do we put the same thought and energy into being a good friend?

Is that an active role or a passive role?

Does it change based on the age, beliefs, social circles, the spaces, the time?

Do I need to do different things and be different with different friends?

Each one of us wrestle with these ideas; and from time to time find ourselves reshaping and refining it based on our understanding and maturity. But is there something more enduring that we can anchor onto?

In Bhagavad Gita, at the end of Chapter 5, in Verse 29, Lord Krishna says that the seeker experiences Peace when one knows and understands that the Lord of the Universe resides in each and everyone's heart as a well-wisher (Suhrt).

"Bhoktāraṁ yajña-tapasāṁ sarva-loka-maheśvaram
Suhṛdaṁ sarva-bhūtānāṁ jñātvā māṁ śāntim ṛcchati"

Knowing Me as the enjoyer of all sacrifices and austerities, the Supreme Lord of all worlds, and the friend of all beings, one attains peace.

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This by itself is sweet—to trust that this transcendental universal energy, the lord of the universe, is our friend rooting for our wellbeing and not a judgmental one.

To highlight that when Lord Krishna says that He is Suhrt, it doesn't mean passive or just thought-based. Swami Aparajitananda ji (Chinmaya Mission, Yamunotri, Chicago) quoted this beautiful subhashitam that opened up the depth of the word:

"Pāpāni vārayati yojayate hitāya
Guhyāni gūhati guṇān prakṭayaty karoti
Āpadgatam cha na jahāti dadāty kaale
Sanmitra lakṣaṇam idaṁ pravadanti santaḥ" - Bhartṛhari, (570 - 651AD, Ujjain India)

A true friend stops you from wrongdoing and guides you toward what is beneficial,

keeps your secrets hidden while openly declaring your virtues,

never abandons you in times of crisis and provides help when needed

- these are the qualities of a good friend, say the wise.

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The Subhashitam structure reminded me of:

• Yama & Niyama of Patanjali - There is a Don't and Do

• Pose & Counterpose of Asana

• Being stoic, resilient in the face of pairs of opposites - Heat & Cold; Pleasure & Pain; Honor & Dishonor

It is a call to action of being engaged in what is unfolding, being present and responsive to that with full heart.

The most profound aspect or insight to me was: Being a good friend is Being a Good person.

So if I interact in this manner with everyone, then I can shape my character and in turn be & have a best friend forever and for everyone.

And hopefully, slowly experience the Peace of Mind that Lord Krishna referred to.