Who Is Actually Guiding Young Women… Because This Can’t Be It

Last week, I received an invitation to speak to a group of young women on the topic of the mentorship gap among women in their 20s. My first reaction was almost dismissive. I mean, is there really a mentorship gap among women?

I turned around and answered my own stupid question immediately. Of course there is. In fact, calling it a “gap” softens the reality and makes it sound like something is missing, when in truth, something is deeply off. Women in their 20s are not just lacking mentors. They are often preyed upon by the people guiding them. Yes, there’s no shortage of advice available to women, but it’s often useless, performative, or, at worst, predatory.

Look around you; we are surrounded by aesthetic, not substance. The kind of advice available to young women online collapses in real life because it was built on performance.

Speak to a young boss lady who has built something or appears to have accomplished something about her journey to success, and she’ll more often than not beat around the bush and tell you to believe in God and yourself.

Now, while these statements are not wrong, they are very incomplete. They tell you nothing about strategy. Nothing about the journey. Nothing about what it actually costs to build something meaningful. You cannot do anything valuable with advice like that.

Older women who have the valuable experience you seek are not always accessible. When they are, they often start yapping nonsense about making sure success doesn’t get to your head and keeping your husband and home happy. What’s a 23-year-old woman supposed to do with that kind of advice? You are asking how to build, but they are warning you about what happens after you have already built. It’s like as you’re reaching forward, they are pulling you back.

And men? Men? Men will often give you something many women struggle to access: directness. They will tell you the truth. They will critique your work. They will acknowledge your potential without dancing around it. In many cases, they will say the exact thing you needed to hear. And when they finish, they will lust after you. Men will never not be men, and oftentimes, they will prey on your naivety.

Your respected mentor will finish telling you that you’re amazing and to keep your head up, and then tell you next that you look sexy and you’re distracting him in one conversation. If you’re an ambitious woman that has sought mentorship before, there’s a high chance that your respectable and highly placed mentor (who is a man) has made a sexual remark to you as a joke or made passes at you casually. You survived that awkward situation by playing dumb or acting like it didn’t happen. BUT IT DID!

Many women have had to navigate this contradiction; receiving value and managing discomfort at the same time. Learning, but also protecting themselves. This is why the conversation on mentorship cannot simply be about access. Access, on its own, is not the solution.

Too many women are being given access without substance or guidance that is either incomplete or compromised. So what happens?

They figure it out alone. Or at least, they pretend they are not. This is what creates the pressure to appear like we have it all “figured out.” Very few women feel safe enough to say, “I don’t know what I’m doing,” The ones who are honest and vulnerable do not get the kind of mentorship that responds to that honest curiosity with actual guidance.

Imagine what would change if that were different. Imagine a world where women could openly admit confusion and be met, not with judgment or redirection, but with direction.

I’m rambling now, but let’s go back to my original question. Is there a mentorship gap among women?

Absolutely!

And it’s not just the absence of mentors, but the absence of real, honest-to-God, well-timed guidance. Until that changes, many women will continue to build in isolation, learn through avoidable mistakes, and navigate spaces that demand both ambition and defense at the same time.

This conversation is long overdue.