Hope is So Last Season

As I shared on my podcast (full episode here), I took a little break last week, not because I was sipping cosmos and pondering life’s big questions (okay, maybe a little glass of Veuve), but because I had a one-on-one with my mentor. And if I’ve learned anything, it’s that a heavy-duty energy work session followed immediately by travel is a recipe for what I can only describe as spiritual jet lag. I was discombobulated. Which, of course, is the perfect state to be in to question everything you thought you knew.

And what I’ve been questioning is the biggest spiritual lie we’ve all been sold. It’s the one they tell you in the mainstream wellness world, the one that says: stay hopeful, be optimistic, visualize the best-case scenario, and manifest your dreams.

It’s a beautiful thought, isn’t it? But what if I told you that very mindset is the thing keeping you stuck? What if the secret to rapid growth isn’t hoping for the best, but actually…expecting and preparing for the worst?

I know what you’re thinking. “But isn’t that just being a Negative Nancy?” And believe me, I get it. This isn’t about being a downer; it’s about being strategic. It’s about taking your power back from the emotional rollercoaster that hope creates. It’s about trading fragile highs for a grounded, unshakable strength.

I realized I was pretty good at this on the big stuff, but it was the day-to-day things where I was setting myself up for a devastating fall. My own personal, torturous rollercoaster that I didn’t even realize I was operating.

Case in point: My son is brilliant and high-energy. I often get calls from his school about him not wanting to pay attention. For months, every single time I dropped him off, I’d think, “Ooh, today’s gonna be a good day. He was in a great mood. Everything’s going to go well.” Only to receive a call from the school an hour later.

That kind of hope puts you on such a fragile high. You’re floating along, thinking it’s all working out, and then… boom. The call. Or maybe for you it’s the launch that flops or the family dinner where you get triggered, again.

The fall from the height of hope to the pit of disappointment is devastating. And in that freefall, shame creeps in. “Damn it, I reacted the wrong way again. After all the work I’ve done, I’m still that person.”

But here’s the thing: the real pain isn’t the setback itself. It’s the gap. The chasm between the spiritual person you know you can be and the human who just reacted. The more you learn, the bigger that gap feels. You start helicopter-watching your own “failures” from above, thinking, “I should have known better.”

This is the Optimism Trap. And hope is what sets you up for the fall.

So, what’s the solution? It’s not pessimism…it’s preparation.

It’s about looking at the situation and saying, “Okay, this bomb is probably going to go off. Where do I want to be standing when it detonates so I can control the blast?”

I tried it last week. On the drive to school, I didn’t think, “Today’s gonna be a good day!” I thought, “Today’s probably gonna be the same as always and I’m probably going to get a call. So, I’ll just work down the street at this cafe. That way, I’m super close when the teacher calls.” But the key is also to emotionally connect to this expectation and plan.

And guess what? He had the best day he’s had in weeks.

Another example: my son wakes up at midnight almost every single night (a reflection I’m still working on, thank you very much). I used to go to bed thinking, “Maybe I’ll get some sleep tonight. Maybe he won’t wake me up.” Then, at midnight, he’d appear, and I’d be frustrated.

Now? I get into bed thinking, “Okay, I’m going to bed a little early because I know he’s going to wake me up.” And when he sleepwalks into my room, I’m not frustrated. It’s actually kind of cute…the entire situation has shifted.

This pattern of expecting perfection shows up everywhere! I took a pretty bad fall down the stairs a few weeks ago, and my injured left knee was screaming at me. It wasn’t just about flexibility; it was about my false perception that my missteps are catastrophic. That one wrong move means everything is ruined.

I’ve struggled my whole life with this weird perfectionism: it has to happen this way, and if it doesn’t, it’s wrong. It’s the belief that I know best…that no one can outdo my plan.

But the truth is, I know nothing compared to the beings around me with the helicopter views. My higher self, my guides, Source. I trust my higher self 100% when I’m doing a reading, but I didn’t realize I was fighting her on the daily. I’d think, “Well, it didn’t happen my way, so it must be wrong.”

That’s a false perception.

Now, I give my human self a check. I’ll intuitively ask, “If this was done my way, how good would the outcome be on a scale of 1-100?” The answer is usually around a four. “If it’s done my higher self’s way, how good is the outcome?” It’s typically closer to 98.

So how do you start making these adjustments? You start by noticing when you’re walking into a situation with hope and high expectations, and you give yourself a reality check before the Universe does it for you. It’s a lot less painful that way.

If your goal is to make $5 million a year and you’re currently making $200,000, there are 100% going to be missteps and obstacles. Otherwise, you’re not learning anything or growing.

You can intuitively ask yourself, “Is this ‘failure’ a necessary adjustment to get me where I want to be?” Because we don’t get to our next-level reality with a series of easy wins. We get there through a messy, chaotic series of adjustments. Each obstacle is the Universe helping you break an old tool so you’re forced to go shopping for a new one.

So if your life feels chaotic, messy, and confusing right now, that is actually a good thing. It means your higher self is listening, and you’re getting closer to what you’re asking for. The tools you inherited, the beliefs you’ve operated from, are not the ones that will build the dream you have in mind - or, more importantly, the one your higher self has planned for you.

I am 100% willing to break the tools that don’t work. I’m willing to sit in the discomfort of not having the right tool while I figure out what the new one is. Because that is the process.

Your higher self is a mini-God. They designed you, your life, everything. And they really do know best.

So go into situations big and small not with fear, but with a knowing. “Yeah, this might go sideways. And when it does, here’s my plan.” Keep moving forward. Keep making mistakes. Keep making adjustments.

And for God’s sake, stop hoping for the best. It’s so last season. ;-)

XO,
Angela