I’m the Main Character at My Neighborhood Dunkin Donuts

I’ve always aspired to have, as the youth call it, main character energy, but by any objective measure, I’ve fallen well short of my goal.

Until now.

It turns out what was holding me back wasn’t a lack of confidence or charisma, it was opportunity. Specifically, what I needed was a Dunkin to open around the corner from my house and for it to be staffed by high school boys with an in-depth knowledge of turn-of-the-century medical sitcoms.

I was at the Baskin-Robbins portion of the new Dunkin when I stepped into the spotlight for the first time. I’m reasonably comfortable ordering coffee after years of practice, but I rarely order ice cream. Needless to say, standing at the counter with two of my kids in a mostly empty store, a confusing menu filled with sizes, flavors, and toppings glowing above us, I was stressed.

My kids are indecisive. I hate looking indecisive. It’s a recipe for personal disaster.

We were on the verge of piecing together a somewhat respectable order after several agonizing seconds of silence and stammering when the kid at the register said, “Do you know the TV show Scrubs?”

All thoughts of ice cream immediately left my head. My eyebrows raised just a smidge. I knew exactly where this was going, and I was intrigued. I got this question exactly one time before, about seven years ago at a Starbucks drive-thru. I will never forget that day.

Playing it cool, I said I was familiar with the show. Nothing more. I didn’t want to ruin the big reveal.

“You look exactly like one of the characters…”

“Dr. Cox?” I asked. Couldn’t help myself.

“Yes! It’s crazy.”

“I’ve gotten that before,” I added, knowingly. Like it happens all the time and not exactly one time seven years ago at a Starbucks.

We had a good laugh. It softened the blow of the ice cream ordering debacle. I walked out with a little extra pep in my step for some reason. I guess it’s nice to be recognized. Even if you’re recognized as someone else.

I’m actually a bit of an expert when it comes to mistaken identity.

I share a name with an English actor best known for his role as Dickon in The Secret Garden (1993 movie version). I sometimes get mistaken for him on Instagram. I get the occasional direct message from people telling me how much The Secret Garden meant to them growing up. Most recently, a person commented on my horse story, “homie you rode a horse in The Secret Garden there is video proof.”

Every comment and message is a delight. I never tire of it. Perhaps I was born to be mistaken for actors for various reasons and in assorted ways. There are worse destinies.

About three days after the first Dunkin incident, I pulled through the drive-thru at the same store. Easy order this time: medium iced coffee, two cream, less ice.

When I arrived at the window, a young guy with a nose ring and cool hair greeted me. His eyes lit up.

“Hey, weren’t you here a few days ago?”

I hesitated for a moment, a bit confused. I didn’t know where this one was going.

“Probably?”

“You were inside! We talked about you looking like somebody. What was that show we referenced?”

“Scrubs.”

“Scrubs! That’s crazy.”

He handed me my coffee, and I drove off smiling ear to ear.

Weirdly enough, considering my newfound fame, my oldest son, who just started ninth grade and is in the high school marching band, is playing at the new Dunkin’s grand opening celebration this weekend. (Side note: the first week of high school is extremely daunting… it feels highly unsustainable… school starts at 7 AM… marching band is apparently a full-time job? More on that later, perhaps.) Anyway, his band shared Dunkin’s flyer for the grand opening event on Facebook, and you’ll never believe what was on the AI-generated monstrosity.

“Music! Free coffee! (Random emojis!) Balloon artist! Games! AND… possibly a special celebrity appearance by John C. McGinley (Dr. Perry Cox from the hit TV Show Scrubs).

Maybe the AI hallucinated that last part. Maybe I did? Maybe the main character energy is going to my head?

Or maybe I’ve finally arrived. Wouldn’t that be crazy?

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Words by me, Andrew Knott. Best known for duck… and Baby-sitters Club.

My books:

Love’s a Disaster - contemporary fiction about a marriage proposal gone wrong, complicated families, mini-golf, second-chance love, Florida, sword fighting, and punk rock music.

Fatherhood: Dispatches From the Early Years - essays and humor about the very early years of my parenting journey