Mr Trump tells Melania to clear a space on the bathroom shelf
In a stunning surprise victory the United States won the 2026 FIFA World Cup at MetLife Stadium, New Jersey today, edging out pre-match favourites Spain and Argentina.
In a move no one saw coming and yet everyone saw coming, and despite Spain leading Argentina 1-0 at the end of extra time, newly appointed FIFA chief referee Donald J Trump declared that neither team was worthy of the trophy.
“Both Spain and Argentina have been very very disappointing”, Mr Trump declared as he stood in the VIP box at the end of extra time and delivered a thumbs down.
“Neither of them pulls their weight in the world. They don’t support me in Iran, their defence budgets are far too little, far far too little. And they don’t buy enough American imports.”
“They don’t deserve this magnificent trophy, so call it what you will, call it penalties, call it tariffs, I am imposing them on Spain and on Argentina and they are O. U. T. Out!”
Mr Trump then dismissed the Spanish and Argentinian teams from the stadium and called forth the United States Men’s National Soccer Team, which was presented with a replica of the famous gold-plated trophy.
“Gianni said I could keep the original for my executive bathroom at Mar A Lago,” Mr Trump explained, indicating FIFA head Gianni Infantino, who was simultaneously prostrating himself and genuflecting in Mr Trump’s direction.
The event concluded with the United States Men’s National Soccer Team performing Mr Trump’s version of the “YMCA” dance, and Mr Trump declaring that “soccer really is the beautiful beautiful game. Truly beautiful.”
In an added bonus, ICE agents in the 80,000-strong crowd arrested approximately sixteen thousand suspected illegal immigrants
Subscribe for all-Satiriser all the time
.
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.