Why We Stopped Hosting Thanksgiving and Went to the Beach Instead

I grew up in a family that only really gathered for the big holidays—and that was completely fine. Until it wasn’t. Once I got married, the subtle pressure started swirling: “Who’s hosting Thanksgiving this year?” Somehow, I got voluntold. Oldest-daughter energy strikes again.

I did Thanksgiving at our house twice, and…it wasn’t a great experience.

Let’s be honest: between client meetings, deadlines, client texts, calls about sides or desserts—weeks out—and the looming logistics of that one big meal, it just didn’t feel worth the mental load. And not just the logistics; the emotional labor of holding everyone’s expectations, comfort, dietary quirks, and happiness is very real. We don’t just cook the meal. We carry the holiday, and it all rides on us.

For reference (and added pressure to my personal situation), both of my babies were born in the fall. For three Thanksgivings in a row, I was pumping/feeding, chasing a toddler, or two tiny kids were whining, and I barely knew which way was up. Plus, I had two dogs, two cats, a very demanding job, and… I don’t actually love Thanksgiving that much.

And as someone raised on free lunch, food stamps, and too many Domino’s pizzas (courtesy of Dad being a delivery driver), the entire “stress over one gluttonous meal” thing always felt…odd. My kids were rejecting everything on the buffet except the rolls anyway. All signs pointed to this being an unsuccessful project for me.

So the big question: Do I muscle through because society says the matriarch-façade demands it? Or do I reinvent this holiday for my family? I chose the latter.

And here’s the part I want every mom to hear: You are not alone in feeling the weight of it all. Holidays can be heavy, even when they’re beautiful. There are ways to drop the ball without guilt.

How I Reframed Thanksgiving. Happy Mom = Happy Home

If you’re juggling a mix of glass balls (the ones you cannot drop) and plastic balls (the ones that bounce if you do drop them), then Thanksgiving hosting? That became a plastic ball for me. It was fine if it dropped. For some people, it might be glass — for others, plastic. I realized it was plastic in my world. The point is: you get to decide. Not tradition, not family or societal pressure, and definitely not guilt.

We stopped hosting. And we went to the beach.

Our New Framework

1. Change the location: We now go to the beach in the off-season. Just the four of us. Staying at home created too much guilt. The beach is cheaper and quieter in the off-season and gets us out of the “coulda, woulda, shoulda” self-talk.

2. Scale the meal down: At first, we ordered a tiny catered meal for two from a local restaurant offering a Thanksgiving option, and then cooked a simple pasta and fruit for the kids. No one complained. Now they are older, and we are having a catered lunch for four. Lunch is faster, cheaper, and easier on us because it lets us spend the whole afternoon together playing.

3. Create a new tradition: After lunch, we’d spend the afternoon in the sand — shovels, buckets, building tools, + a tennis ball. We built a sand “marble run” course: tunnels, bridges, curves, and sent the tennis ball from the top of a sand ramp down to the sea. Late fall afternoon, music, sand, laughter, and just relaxing together. It felt like what Thanksgiving is supposed to be.

   

Still stuck hosting or helping host?

Okay, because I get it: some of you still are hosting (or helping host) and you deserve practical relief. Here are some strong deals worth knowing:

Lower Stress and Lower Cost Options:

• ALDI’s “Feast for 10 – for $40” deal: For just $40 you can build a full Thanksgiving spread for 10 people (14-lb turkey plus many sides) at ALDI, no membership required.

• Kroger’s “Freshgiving Meal Bundle”: A 16-ingredient package to feed 10 people for under $4.75 per person. Includes turkey and sides via store-brand items.

• Walmart’s “Thanksgiving Value Meal”: 15 items to feed 10 people for just under $4 per person.

• Ina Garten already gave you permission to buy a dessert. Mrs. Smith’s and Sara Lee make amazing pies for a fraction of what it costs for you to buy the ingredients and make it yourself.

• Speaking of, consider using a restaurant for the sides that have a lot of ingredients. As an example, a local BBQ spot (Fox Bros) in Atlanta offers a cornbread stuffing for that serves 20-25 people for under $50. For me to buy all of the ingredients to make it, it would easily be over that amount these days. This is not a cop out! This is using our resources wisely. Time and money are valuable resources.

  

Community Resources to keep top of mind:

If you’re still hosting and feeling harried by the weight of it all, remember to think about how to use your resources wisely:

• Local YMCA and JCC family programs (often offer holiday childcare, parent meetups, and community events). I can recall using the built-in 2 hour daycare drop off at the Y to just sit at a table in the Y and write out everything that needed to be done that week + meal planning. It was part of my monthly membership, and I didn’t use it nearly as often as I should have.

• Your local neighborhood mom group. Can you use the week of Thanksgiving to organize a quick co-op (“I’ll take your kids from 3-5 PM Monday, can you take mine 8-10 AM Tuesday?”) to give yourself (and a neighbor) a break during the week?

• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline - because you just never know. I’m putting this here to remember that holidays bring out many shades of emotion, overwhelm, and panic. You’re not alone, you will get through this, and there is someone waiting to help you when you dial just three digits.

Other Lower Stress Ideas and Tips:
If you’re still hosting but want to run an efficient project, here are more options that save time, sanity, and sometimes money:

• Call your local BBQ spot for the meats.
  This is one of my favorite hacks. We ordered Fox Bros’ smoked turkey one year, and it saved me hours, not to mention the cost of buying a roasting pan, thermometer, injectors, brining bags, etc. BBQ places smoke meat for a living; let the professionals handle the protein while you handle not crying into the stuffing.

• Plan a Rage Walk. I do remember calling a neighbor around 9:30 AM, harried by the day already, tears forming in my eyes, and asking, “Can you walk?” You know you need to get out of that house. Plan the time in the menu and the day. You absolutely need the break and deserve it. Remember…happy mom = happy home.

• Get digital.
  People love to follow rules and direction in cases like this. Make a sign-up genius and keep it simple by saying “potato side”, “vegetable side”, “salad”, etc., and let people fill it in with what exactly they plan to bring in the comment field. Then everyone can see each other’s and you’re not fielding a bajillion 1:1 texts. Give people boundaries—they honestly appreciate it.

And if you have a favorite hosting shortcut, money-saving, time-saving, sanity-saving, drop it in the comments. We can help each other lighten the load.

So, if you need a permission slip, consider this yours:

You are allowed to drop that ball.
You are allowed to redefine what “together” and “thanks” mean for your family.

Holidays are not an exam. They’re not a performance. They’re one moment in the long stretch of a life you’re already carrying so much of. Life is the classroom. We learn, we grow, we apply new materials…and sometimes we hand ourselves the permission slip we’ve needed all along.

Cheers to using our resources wisely,

Andrea

Want to make your own Marble Run at the beach?

Here is a quick list of the basic materials!

How did we learn to build sandcastles and then make mazes? We took a class while at the beach many years ago!

Don’t have classes near you? Here is an excellent YouTube video. The buckets I linked are the most essential tool! You’ll want to make a bottomless bucket!

Want to see more of everyday life here? Join me on Instagram, where I share snippets like this in stories every day.