moms, we might be using the wrong measuring stick

I started my journal entry in a negative way:

I wrote: “another week of not working towards my dreams”

EW! But before I get too hard on being hard on myself, I think this is a very natural human thing for us to do.

We just walk around feeling like we are not doing enough, or that we didn’t achieve what we wanted to, so on and so forth.

But stick with me, I kept writing in my journal and the next sentence was:

wait, what if I am using the wrong measuring stick though? because when I do look back at my week - so much was accomplished that was really actually beautiful (slow, but beautiful).

On Memorial Day Monday, we went to a pool party and had delicious wagyu burgers grilled by our church friends. We had watermelon, splashed in the pool and it was honestly so nice.

On Tuesday, I packed my daughter up for a spontaneous trip to farm country an hour away. I picked up native plants, we got chorizo tacos and she got to see goats and I also thrifted her a pair of $15 adorable cowboy boots. Talk about a win!

Over the week, I met with friends, neighbors, and continued to build out our backyard to make it more entertaining friendly.

None of these things were very “hustle” of me, and the big dreams I had in my twenties honestly do feel a little tucked away at this time.

But what if my measuring stick needs to adapt and evolve with me, instead of staying stuck in that 2018 “girl-boss” energy that is taking away from my present as a mom who just wants to be present.

But to be honest, I do think that “achieve your dreams” mentality has run deep, and has taken away from me being okay with “being a present mom”. And I think it requires some hard work and resistance. Here are some practical things I am doing:

1. Daily gratitude habits

   I already shared about this in my last article but doing things screenshotting your screenshots, or one second a year helps you visually see - what is in front of you (not what “dreams you left behind etc.”

2. 5-4-3-2-1 grounding

   If you find yourself getting swept up in the spiral of feeling like you’re behind, practice the 5-4-3-2-1 to actually SEE the moment you are in. If you’re unfamiliar:

   1. Say out loud 5 things you can see now, and look at them, focusing briefly on each one
   2. Say out loud 4 things you can touch now, and touch them, focusing briefly on each one
   3. Say out loud 3 things you can hear. Your breath can count for this too. You can close eyes if desired
   4. Say out loud 2 things you can smell now. If there aren’t two, you can imagine smelling something good
   5. Say out loud 1 thing you can taste now. Taste what’s in your mouth, and if there isn’t a real taste, imagine tasting something delicious. (source: mychyp)

3. Writing

   Writing on Substack or again in my personal journal has been so therapeutic for me! I think that was how I realized this concept, just by writing it out. I am also trying to pick up my Five Minute Journal (did you know they have one just for moms?) again to recognize the good in the right here and right now.

But yes, this is all to say - maybe it’s time to re-examine the measuring stick you’re using. It’s okay to outgrow dreams.

Dreams, like us, do change.

At one point, I didn’t know if I wanted to have kids - now I dream of having three!

Two months ago, I’ve never planted anything in my life. Today, I have a pollinator garden and an obsession with gardening.

I might not be working towards my ‘female-owned empire” but I am building meaningful and wonderful connections with my neighbors, baking strawberry cakes and looking my daughter in the eyes.

I don’t know about you but I might be trading in my measuring stick or putting it away in the drawer for a while.

With love,

Andi