The Friendly Voice

This one is not a quick read, so feel free to bookmark it for a rainy day or flip through little bits here and there.

I almost scrapped this post entirely because I thought, “who cares about this”, but then I had a conversation today with someone close to me about how it felt impossible for them to think about their life with positivity or optimism.

Life has really humbled me lately.

I’m writing to you from my wrinkled bedsheets, wearing a diaper, voice so hoarse it’s barely a whisper. I’ve felt so needy, weak, and lowly lately. It’s been one thing after another, from surgery to sickness to selling our house to just plain old sadness.

My community has shown up for me beyond what I could have asked for, and yet I feel so unworthy of receiving it—like surely I have used up all my favors by now. And who am I to receive from my busy, busy friends anyway, when I don’t even have the responsibility of children to take care of as they do? How and why have they made time to be here for me, bringing me flowers and food and notes of encouragement?

It’s been a real war in my mind, because in the midst of feeling so raw, I am also on a journey of trying to befriend myself. When that sneaky voice inside my head whispers “You are so undeserving”, another little advocate pipes up and says “No you’re not! You. Are. Worthy!”

A couple of years ago, I began an affirmative style of journaling (inspired by Tessa Romero) in which I write from the first-person perspective of who I want to be and how I want to experience life, whether that’s how I actually feel at the time or not. Little by little, those words have shifted my inner monologue and even my reality.

Sometimes I sit down with my pen, and I want to write “Today was shit, I was shit, it’s all turning out shittily”, but I push myself to turn my vision inside out and see from a different perspective:

How many things went right today? Look at the ways I’m growing! Can you believe the hope that lies ahead?

Earlier this week, I was driving across town from the sauna to the salt room, desperate to clear my sinuses, and that mean little voice was berating me, saying “Wow, even in your sickness, you can’t just rest and chill—you just have to keep going and going over the top to try and fix it”.

But the friendly voice spoke up for me, saying, “You feel really bad, and that’s okay. You’re doing what you know is best to care for yourself.” This auto-response of self-kindness felt pivotal, like all those hours spent journaling to re-wire my brain finally paid off.

The images below are humble snippets from my diary over the past couple of months. You may see this as a totally cringey snooze-fest, or you may think it’s fascinating to get inside someone else’s mind. My hope is that you’ll walk away inspired to speak to yourself with kindness and acceptance, and to be your own cheerleader and encourager.

Because we see what we look for—whether that’s good or bad—and we become who we tell ourselves we are.

Welp, that’s all for now.

If you read this far, you deserve to know that, yes, this is indeed a tiny teaser for my next font, Willow Longhand. I’ve been practicing this new cursive penmanship font inspired by my grandmother, though it’s still in a very preliminary phase :) I can’t wait to start drafting this one!