What is your baseline?

Are you living at your true baseline—or have you slowly accepted less without even noticing?

It’s a question that’s been on my mind after a conversation with a dear friend yesterday. We reflected on how easy it is to wake up one day and realize you’ve settled into a life that no longer feels like yours. You’ve probably heard that story about the frog in cold water—how, if you heat it up slowly, it won’t realize the danger until it’s too late. I finally understood that metaphor deeply. Sometimes, we don’t see how, little by little, we start accepting things that once would’ve been deal-breakers. We lose sight of what lights us up, what makes us feel us—until one day, we barely recognize ourselves.

❓ Have you ever felt that slow drift? Are you where you truly want to be right now?

We grow up dreaming of the fairytale: the perfect relationship, the happily-ever-after where everything magically falls into place. But no one tells us how to keep the magic alive when life gets messy—when we’re navigating careers, kids, losses, or just the grind of daily routines. No one teaches us how to stay connected to ourselves and our partners, how to keep joy, intimacy, and excitement alive over the years.

And even though we know the stats—50% of marriages end in divorce—choosing to end a relationship still feels like failure. So we settle. We tell ourselves: “It’s just a phase. It’s better for the kids. Things will get better soon.” We accept a version of life that’s good enough—but not great. And before we know it, what was once unacceptable becomes our new normal.

The hardest part? We often don’t even notice how much we’ve dimmed our own light. That was me.

When I look back, I see how slowly I let go of the things that brought me joy. I stopped going to the gym. Stopped going out. Stopped doing the things that made me feel alive. And I didn’t realize how much I had changed—until I started reconnecting with the old me.

A friend who met me during a difficult period thought my quieter, sadder self was just who I was. But those who knew me before saw the difference—and worried. Now, after my divorce, I’m rediscovering that spark: embracing time for myself, feeling empowered, and helping other women do the same.

You don’t need a divorce or a dramatic life event to reconnect with yourself. There are so many small steps you can take today. That’s what I focus on in my coaching, in my workshops, and in the support groups I host.

So here’s what I’d love for you to reflect on:

• How do you stay aware of your baseline—of what makes you feel vibrant and whole?

• How can you gently challenge yourself or your partner when you notice either of you settling or losing that spark?

• As a friend, how do you speak up with love when you see someone dimming their light? And how open are you to hearing it when someone reflects that back to you?

If you have tips, tools, or wisdom to share, I’d truly love to hear them. Let’s lift each other up.

For me, my new goal is simple: to surround myself with people—partners, friends, colleagues—who help me grow and thrive, and who aren’t afraid to call me out with love when I need it.

🌟 What about you? How do you want to show up for yourself and in your relationships?

If this resonates with you, share it with a friend who might need a gentle nudge today. Let’s create a ripple effect of support and growth.

P.S. If you’re quietly struggling with questions like “Should I stay? Should I let go of my relationship ?” — I’m co-hosting a free, intimate webinar with coach Caitlin Margaret:

At The Edge: Should I Stay or Go?
Tuesday, June 24 at 7 PM ET
Free, live on Zoom | Limited to 15 participants
https://www.ecstaticlovelab.com/at-the-edge

If you’re feeling lost or unsure in your relationship, I hope you’ll join us. You don’t have to figure it out alone.