Last week, I shared Layer 2 of the Founder Fuel System, a practical dashboard for building routines that keep you thriving. Many of you reached out asking about Layer 1, the deeper work I mentioned.
Today, I’m sharing what comes first: getting back to neutral when you’ve had too much.
I’ve talked a lot here about self-care and refilling your cup, but I rarely talk about the deeper work. Yet, one cannot go without the other. You may start feeling better after adding a workout or taking breaks, but to see real breakthroughs, you have to go deeper.
Because here’s the truth: you can’t build a sustainable routine when catabolic energy, that reactive, angry, exhausted state, is running your decisions.
You have to heal first.
When I work with clients, it takes a few sessions before we get to the real blocks. The resentment. The anger. The exhaustion they’ve been carrying for months, sometimes years.
But when we do? That’s when everything shifts.
I call it the blank slate moment. When you realize you’ve been on autopilot and the decisions you’ve made for months, maybe years, aren’t a good reflection of who you are or what you really want.
I often use the image of a frog in a pot of water. If you put a frog in boiling water, it jumps out immediately. But if you put it in cold water and slowly bring it to a boil, it won’t notice. This is what happens to exhausted founders. We accept things that used to be unacceptable. We slowly lose ourselves without realizing it.
So today, I’m asking you to take a step back and think: Who do I actually want to be? How do I want to show up?
Not who you think you should be. Not the version that says yes to everything. Not the founder who works 70-hour weeks because that’s what “successful” looks like.
The real you. Starting from zero.
It’s a rebirth of sorts. And it’s one of the most powerful moments in any founder’s journey.
Here’s what most self-care advice misses: when you’re already depleted and operating from catabolic energy, adding routines won’t stick. They help you feel better temporarily, but you need to come back to baseline first.
Baseline isn’t just “not depleted.” It’s neutral. It’s the place where you’re not reactive, not resentful, not running on fumes. Where you can actually make clear decisions again.
From neutral, you can build. From depletion, you’re just surviving.
This is uncomfortable work most founders skip. It’s not as simple as blocking out gym time. It requires looking at what’s actually weighing you down.
One of the first exercises I do with clients: track for one week what charges you versus what drains you. Notice everything. Everyone.
Then start saying no to one draining thing daily. Write it in a journal.
This is hard. You’ll start with little things, but gradually you’ll feel empowered to say no to the big things. And you’ll feel so much better.
This isn’t about being selfish. It’s about protecting the energy you need to show up powerfully for your business and your life.
One of my clients transformed through this. It took months, but she learned to say no. She’s now genuinely proud when she cancels a call she doesn’t need to be part of, or declines when she’s too exhausted. That shift in mindset, from obligation to protection, changed everything about her leadership.
We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Studies show that emotions and behaviors are contagious, spreading through our networks up to three degrees of separation. Your friend’s friend can influence your choices.
Who are those five people for you right now? Do they energize you or drain you? Do they challenge you to grow or keep you stuck in old patterns?
When you’re coming back to baseline, this matters more than ever. You need people around you who support the version of yourself you’re becoming, not the one you’re trying to move past.
Growing up means letting go. Of people who drain you. Of commitments that don’t align with your values. Of the version of yourself that said yes to everything.
This is uncomfortable. But it’s necessary.
Every time something triggers you, every time something pushes you into a headspace you don’t want to be in, that’s information.
This is where the real work happens, and honestly? You shouldn’t do it alone.
For me, this meant working with various coaches and therapists. When I notice I’m reactive or resentful, I book a session quickly. Sometimes it takes multiple conversations, but my goal is always the same: return to neutral.
For you, it might be conversations with friends or like-minded people. But if you’re truly depleted, if you’re carrying months or years of resentment, consider getting professional support. A coach or therapist can help you process what you need to let go of and understand where your values stand.
It doesn’t mean you accept everything that happens. It means you do the work to understand how you want to show up, and then you adjust to move in that direction.
Once you’re back at baseline, you need a practice that helps you stay there.
This weekend, I was talking to a depleted friend. When he asked how I was, he shook his head and said frustrated:
“Oh well, you’re always well. It’s normal that you’re well.”
I paused. Because yes, I am a positive person. I usually see the glass half full. But it’s not “normal” and it’s not automatic.
Through resilience and hardship, I make the choice daily to be positive and to be well. And it takes a lot of hard work.
I feel like an athlete training toward being well. It encompasses everything we’ve talked about here and last week: the therapy and coaching, the hard conversations, working out weekly, saying no to what drains me, and yes, my gratitude journal.
For me, it’s this: I wake up every morning deciding that I want to be a positive person. It’s a choice I make daily. It’s a muscle I’ve built deliberately.
Every morning before I turn my phone on, I write three things I’m grateful for. This helps me start from neutral or positive before the day’s demands hit. Research from the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School found that people who practiced gratitude were 50% more productive.
But there’s more to staying at baseline than routines. It’s a philosophy. It’s about how you choose to show up, what you allow to trigger you, and how quickly you notice when you’re slipping back into reactive mode.
You’re back at baseline when:
Something that used to trigger you doesn’t anymore
You can say no without guilt
You notice when you’re getting reactive and can course-correct quickly
You make decisions from clarity, not desperation
You have energy for the things that matter, not just work
You’re still in catabolic energy when:
You’re resentful about sacrifices you’ve made
You say yes when you mean no
You’re reactive and irritable with your team
Every decision feels heavy and exhausting
You can’t remember the last time you felt genuinely joyful
This week, I’m inviting you to do something simple but powerful:
Pick one:
Track your energy for one week - Notice who and what drains you. Then say no to one thing daily.
Name your five people - Who are you spending the most time with? Is it time to shift that?
Book a session - If you’re carrying resentment, exhaustion, or anger you can’t shake, reach out to a coach or therapist this week.
You don’t have to do all three. Just pick the one that resonates most.
This is the work before the work. It’s not as sexy as morning routines and productivity hacks. But it’s the foundation that makes everything else possible.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
Which one are you starting with? Comment below, sometimes naming it is the first step.
If you’re feeling stuck and need support figuring out where to begin, I’m opening a few spots for introspective discovery calls in January. These aren’t sales calls, they’re genuine conversations about where you are and what you actually need.
P.S. The Founder Fuel System workbook is almost ready. It includes exercises for both Layer 1 (baseline work) and Layer 2 (dashboard building). Reply “FUEL” if you want early access.
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